Very advanced children

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I just happen to have landed on a bunch of threads by parents with 'gifted' children, and one or two about parents who think their kids are more gifted than they are.

It's reminded me of an 18-month-old I once met, who talked more eloquently than most 7-year-olds can. He had a very enquiring mind, asking intelligent questions (I was at work) and telling me about stuff he'd learned. He could read and was good at arithmetic. He was a little charmer, really, a delight to meet - if somewhat wearing; he never stopped asking questions.

He evidently had the mind of a toddler despite his advanced skills. He was quite physically developed, though still within range for his age. His mother told me her biggest worry was that people couldn't help treating him as if he were older, expecting him to be more responsible or experienced than he was able.

One of my nephews suffered from this as a young child, too - nothing like the prodigy I've just described, but he was verbally advanced due to spending nearly all his time with adults and was also big and strong for his age. Kids shouldn't have to keep telling adults "I'm only three, I can't do that!" but he did have to.

I sometimes wonder how Prodigy Child turned out. His mum said she was prepared for his development to slow down until others caught up, but lifetime prodigies do exist and I don't think they always have an easy time.

Have you known any DC like this? What happened to them? Alternatively, feel free to share about the deluded parents of normal children you have known!

Yes, correct. But it's not bog standard state-backed schools being demonised lately, is it?

It sound like the OP is describing those AI babies that travel the world in a private jet.

This is not a brag. I'm just answering the question. I've actually namechaged for this. First time ever.

I've changed a few little details too.

My youngest DC was almost completely silent until about 3 years old. They then stuttered for about a year.
But quite a character. Stubborn and a clown.

About year 4 they were recognised as 'G&T'. In sport and academic.

They were almost always chosen for the lead in school plays, Prefect, Buddy system. Etc. (and no I wasn't a pushy PTA parent)

They became captain of all the sports they joined.
A teacher told me once that if they liked the subject they would teach it with you. But if not watch out.

They could definitely be annoying and came across as arrogant and a know-all.

But actually well liked, helpful and nice.

They were always asked to help 'coach' the other players, staying behind to tidy up. Etc.

They did very well in secondary school but coasted. Which was frustrating for the teachers.

They were part of an undefeated sports club who taught them humility.

They absolutely hated college so left before Christmas to join one of the services. (Not even telling us until they were excepted, leaving home the week after their 17 th birthday.) They served 4 years and left after seeing the world and having experiences that wouldn't have happened if they weren't confident (arrogant?) enough to push themselves forward.

They were at a loose end by 23 yrs old, very involved with the local sports club. Very well liked, actually started and ran the veteran group.

They have just qualified after 5 yrs at uni doing a construction based course.

With a First.

They were chosen for the Chancellor's Award 2 years running.

So I think my DC who was recognised as G&T has followed their path and remains G&T.
They are still sometimes selfish and annoying tho!

Look up famous child prodigies. Do you believe Mozart was playing keyboards at four years old and composing music at five? He went on his first musical tour at seven (with his 12-year-old sister, also a musical genius).

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTtJWpPEqrL/?igsh=ZjNrNGxsczkxcXkx

My child is very intelligent, high IQ, early reader, crazy memory.

He also didn't speak until he was 4 and still cannot hold a conversation now at 7.

It's all relative.

(Diagnosed autistic at 2 years old)

Kids who appear older than they are AND are verbally advanced do tend to have unrealistic expectations placed on them. It's a natural pitfall - I sometimes expected my nephew to be more sensible than was developmentally appropriate, despite knowing him well. Other adults and older kids mistaking his age caused some problems for him. Now 30, he's still big, strong and talkative but doesn't get pushed around any more!

MN has been full of 'is my dc a prodigy' threads since forever.

I find it equally fascinating and eyebrow raising. I do worry for the kids though. Can't be easy, whether are a genuine prodigy, typically bright, or just temporarily advanced.

This.

Along with everyone's other half having very important city jobs and earning six figure salaries.

Generally speaking there is nothing more boring then listening to a parent talk about how their child is 'ever so advanced for their age'

I think there’s a real issue with parents and society not realising that these kids need emotional and social development relevant to their age, not their other abilities. And I agree if they physically look older that has a similar effect.

When I was younger I was made to skip a year at school (not UK) because I was so far ahead. Then had to repeat a year a few years later when it became obvious that I couldn’t cope with being out of my age group - no friends, getting bullied, etc. I’d say I’m pretty average these days, had a good career but COVID mixed with PPD put an end to that. Life happens, no matter how smart you are.

DS spoke in sentences at 18 months, was very big for his age and confident chatting to adults (first born). I wouldn't say he was eloquent but he had a decent vocabulary and would order for himself in cafes plus a little bit later at say 2 engage people in conversation about marine biology (all learned from octonauts). People often thought he was older than he was which I thought was a problem.
At primary school he was identified as being dyspraxic - his handwriting was a struggle and is still at 18 years old pretty unreadable. We now also think he is ASD but have never pursued a diagnosis. He got okay GCSEs (grades 5-8) hated school the whole way through. Now at college doing a levels he's enjoying himself, but is more interested in his current obsessions than his A levels.
So, his time of being 'more advanced' in the way people measure it was very brief! He is still my favourite lad though :-)

And in threads like this one, there’s a specific narrative arc that’s preferred — either the child peaked at primary school and dropped out before GCSEs, or is now a very ordinary adult with no particular signs of intelligence or success, or went all the way to an Oxford doctorate in astrophysics before getting a job in childcare, or they’re brilliant at their niche job but so lacking in common sense they can barely cross the road by themselves, or they never managed a career etc etc.

My brother was very gifted as a child in the 80’s. Knew long words, could spell 10 letter words at 3. Could do a thousand piece jigsaw at 4 without help.

He even once corrected a keeper at the zoo who when doing a show said it was a certain spider, it wasn’t and my brother corrected him and again he was 4. It actually really frightened my parents as they were young and he was their first. both weren’t particularly academic but they read to him a lot.They were both 16 when they became parents and living in a rundown flat so he didn’t really have anything but books.

.He’s now a GP and has done well but gets brain burnout very quickly. Always advanced through school (11 plus, A* GCSE’s/A-Levels and then first at uni and in his masters)

I recognise what you're saying, but happy to read replies here with cheerful outcomes, no 'fatal flaw' narratives unless you count possible ND as a fatal flaw. Which, obviously, you wouldn't! Abnormal intelligence is ND in itself, and some autistic-spectrum qualities often seem to go hand in hand with it.

Chris Hadfield (astronaut):
“Early success is a terrible teacher. You're essentially being rewarded for a lack of preparation, so when you find yourself in a situation where you must prepare, you can't do it.”

Do schools actually tell you that your child is 'gifted and talented'? Are these kids put in a special 'gifted and talented' group? What's the criteria?

I have 2 young adult children who made their way through 4 different schools and not once did I hear of a kid being labelled as 'gifted and talented'.

One of my DC is gifted. Was told at school when she was 4. She is now 7 and is certainly way ahead of her peers. The school have no funding to help her achieve her level. I wish I had the money to afford private for her.

Agree with that. Talented youth needs good teachers.

They will usually seek out challenges, though, so that would eventually teach them there are skills they need to learn before succeeding. A good mentor would encourage them to learn this early - and not to give up.

Your quote might be a good argument against congratulating DC too readily, whatever their capabilities, perhaps?

I was like this as a child. Discovered I was autistic when I was 35.

My ds could read fluently at 3. He just seemed to have the sort of brain that could do that. He recognised numbers and letters and patterns very early. He didn't necessarily understand the words though, he was just sounding out the shapes he saw. People would probably have thought he was advanced.

He's now 13 and towards the top end of average for his year I would say, certainly not the top. He never reads a book. But he's great at sudoku puzzles and word puzzles. He just has a brain for shapes and patterns.

He's advanced at that but overall he's good average.

My niece could read at 3, 12 Astar at GCSE, 4 Astar at A'level, Cambridge, then a PhD. It was all a bit unnerving.

She never eased off academically or went off the rails at uni. I guess some people just love learning. Now in her 30s, she's happy and doing a 'big job' in IT.

I was a freakishly early and fluent talker - to the extent that paediatricians and child development specialists didn’t believe it until my granny recorded me and played it back to them. I was considered very bright in school, though my academic intelligence far outstripped my emotional maturity and I was bullied badly in the first couple of years of secondary.

I’m now pretty average with a decent but far from exceptional career. As PP have said, these things often even out as children develop.

And there’s always someone who is convinced they’re the only real honest person on mumsnet. In which case why they hang around is a mystery to me.

Early talking and reading appears to be a thing on my side of the family. I did it and both my kids did. I also had a child psychologist study my speech apparently - I learnt Latin names of animals from a Ladybird book when I was two. I’m not a genius just love nature and that’s my work area now. DD was talking in full sentences before she was walking. Both kids academic but not in a freakishly astonishing way. Me and DH are both academic so none of this is a surprise. DD is a professional musician and DS is still at uni. Both are intelligent lovely young adults but not in Einstein territory. I just think it’s genetics but people really notice the early talking thing and make a very big deal out of it, as if it’s come from nowhere. No one is surprised if kids have other traits that clearly come from parents but the early talking thing is bigged up as it’s so obvious. My DS cut his first tooth at 13 weeks but no one thought this was an indicator of greatness to come 🤣

The father of an ex of mine once confided that his biggest parenting mistake was having his son's IQ tested at primary school (off the scale) because from that moment on my ex stopped working hard, believing innate ability would get him to the top. It didn't.