Don’t want to terminate but feel trapped.

[BrandNewTeapot]

Recently found out I’m seven weeks pregnant, I truly didn’t realise as I have irregular cycles due to PCOS and I was on the coil. Coil has since been removed, no bleeds. Private scan was fine. I only tested as I’d felt so dizzy.

But life isn’t. I’m 32, I’ve just started a new job which is a fixed term contract after being made redundant. Had to find something pretty quick.

Due to end next January. Baby will be born in September. My boyfriend of seven years (didn’t live together) has decided to end our relationship and doesn’t want any involvement with the baby. This is out of character for him as our relationship has always been pretty good (shared hobbies etc) and he openly wanted to children “one day”. He’s made it clear he wants me but not the baby. I can’t accept this. We don’t live together.

I own my own home, so baby and I will have somewhere to live but my bills come to £1900 a month. I earn £2600 currently. I have £3000 in savings. I’m terrified about SMP, being on maternity leave and not being able to afford my mortgage or bills and the bailiffs coming knocking when I have a newborn. Ex is a police officer so I will be able to claim maintenance as he has a solid job. He has blocked me and no word from him, fucking coward. But I’ve messaged his parents and they can’t believe he’s being like this, but want to know their grandchild.

I want this baby, I want to make it work. I’m strong and have good family support and a lovely home, but I’m so scared of paying everything on £700 a month SMP plus say £300 maintenance. I don’t know how I’ll pay council tax or how we’ll eat. If I get a job as soon as baby’s born again, how will I afford nursery? I have my savings but I’ll need to buy things for the baby. My family are emotionally supportive, and will help best they can, but they can’t financially nor with time as my parents both work full time.

id appreciate any advice at all.

As you have a 3 bed house, you could have 2 temporary lodgers.

I was in a similar position and I had no reasons not to go ahead. It was a struggle but I managed and now life is beautiful.
I had so many good friends who bought lots of baby things, and I made do, my dad paid half my mortgage while I was on mat leave which was a huge help. I got tax credits and my child benefit which helped and I went back to work 5 days a week and she was in nursery 8-6, don’t let mum guilt even enter your mind.

I didn’t have much but I had so much love and it was worth every second. I now have a beautiful 10 year old, I’ve worked hard and tripled my salary so we have a good life - it’s amazing what you can achieve when you have little eyes watching you. Her dad is involved but his CMS payment is negligible so I now save it so she’ll have a nest egg when she’s older.

She also has my surname!

Go for it, you’re on the best adventure ever x

7 years together and he does this?

You sound like you genuinely want this baby so please consider strongly keeping it. You sound really amazing, competent and grounded - I think you will be fine.

Don't waste another second on such a horrible man-and congratulations on your little one-as others have said, there is lots of support available for you, and people will rally round, buying baby clothes etc.
@PeachBlossom1234 has said it far better than I can

As far as a lodger, consider a mum with a little one who needs somewhere decent, perhaps her ex did the dirty on her, could be a great arrangement if you find the right person

Speak to your mortgage supplier and see what options you have. They might be able to swap you to an interest only for a short time or allow holiday payments (where you don’t pay your mortgage for a certain time but it’s all pre agreed). Make an appointment to see what the options are.

Lodger is a good option, can you sell anything you aren’t using it all adds up.

You can do this OP, in 5 years time you will look back and wonder what you were ever worried about.

So sorry you are in this situation with the x . I had similar happen to me, I was in the process of divorce so living separately when I got pregnant by a boyfriend . I had 3 already and no money , I was out of my mind with worry and considered an abortion but I just couldn't go through with it . The baby has become a wonderful , kind man and a great Father to my GS . The first year was hard financially but I'm resourceful and managed as you will if you decide to keep the baby . Get advice now , citizens advice are useful in this circumstance and I think." Turn to us " will also be able to help . A lodger seems like a good idea to relieve the financial pressure.

Under the mortgage charter, you’re now allowed to have a six month mortgage holiday, with no impact to your credit.
Getting a lodger or two now for short term contracts until the baby is here sounds like a good way to save. The single parent lodger idea is an interesting one. If there was someone you clicked with, the adult company could be nice in the evenings. It’s lonely being home once the children have gone to bed, and useful to have someone around in case you want to nip to the gym or shop for an hour after bedtime. However it could also be a nightmare if you don’t click.
Make sure you get maintenance. Also don’t be too proud to accept help. It may be his parents might want to help if he doesn’t. A day of childcare or any help towards your bills would be huge.

I wouldn’t usually say this to a women but given how you’ve described your feelings in your post I think you will regret a termination.

Save, look into what you qualify for, child benefit, try and secure a permanent position, buy second hand, search free groups on FB for items, borrow, sell unwanted items, hold your Ex- partner financially responsible - these are all options.

I don’t really care to feel sorry for him. He was having sex too but it’s always the woman’s fault? That’s not what I was referring to, it’s his attitude of blocking the OP and refusing to talk. It’s just childish. He is an arsehole regardless.

If he didn’t ever want to be a father he should have had the snip, it’s a day proceedure.

i think there are some good suggestions on here. I would look at a lodger for the next 6 months, save like mad and then take a mortgage holiday once the baby is here.
Remember babies need very little really

It sounds like you want to keep the baby, so cost minimisation is the way to go.

Get your baby’s items secondhand, talk to the banks just before maternity leave and ask how they can help with the mortgage. Is there any way you can earn extra now before the pregnancy is too far advanced? That may be unrealistic though given how hard pregnancy can be, but if it’s an option it’s worth looking into.

You can maybe get a mortgage holiday for 6 months or even longer.

Can you move in with your parents to save on housing costs? I’m absolutely pro choice but all I can say is that if you actually want this baby, but have an abortion due to economic reasons, it will torment you for the rest of your life. It’s not the Victorian England, you can make it work somehow

Childcare funding will help but Id really try and get family support. You can definitely do it.

Men who don't want to be fathers are more than welcome to use condoms or abstain from sex with women, aren't they?

I'm really sorry OP I have no advice but I also have PCOS and a coil and have been having similar symptoms but with negative pregnancy test results. Did the health professionals identify why the coil failed? Had it moved or was it outside it's expiry?

I think it's definitely doable, the lodger or even 2 for 6 months is a great idea. You can get nearly everything you need second hand for next to nothing and if you know anyone who's had a baby you might find they are desperate to give away their baby things 😂. Definitely go to citizens advice. I wouldnt get back with ex he sounds like a waste of space tbh. Utilize your support network when baby is here and you'd maybe be entitled to some UC even just for childcare. Definitely go through your outgoings and cut back as much as you can from now onwards