How do I get good at holidays?

[Jadyt]

Two teen DDs DH and me. We all get along great and a have a lovely time together at home, so the idea of going on holiday is always appealing, but it never works.

Both DDs are fairly picky eaters. The most successful holiday we’ve had food wise was when we tried all inclusive and DD2 ate spag bol every single flipping day. But activities wise the AI didn’t really fit. Both DDs are pretty busy with hobbies/extracurriculars at home, but take them away from that and they don’t seem terribly interested in any of the usual holiday activities, or at least not in the same ones. DD1 will happily go for long walks around picturesque places and take photos for IG, but DD2 will complain. DD2 will hang out at the pool and enjoy a bit of sun, but DD1 doesn’t like the heat and will not get her hair wet outside of her strict wash/straighten/curl regime.

Meanwhile I always sleep really badly, end up exhausted trying to keep everyone happy, feel like a control freak, try to step back and relax but then DH doesn’t bother to check whether the restaurant he’s found is actually open that day, then we’re walking the streets and I’m googling other options and ugh, I just hate holidays.

The DDs have been asking about if we’re going away this year and just the thought of it is depressing me. I know I should be grateful that they still want to go on holiday with us at all, but I just fantasise about going away just me and DH and having an actual relaxing enjoyable holiday where I can do whatever I want without worrying about anyone else.

You need to unclench and allow each person to do what they want to do.

I discovered that my two are quite happy in the pool all day every day and it's a struggle to get them out and about.

Husband likes to snooze in the shade on a sun lounger, drinking old fashioneds all day

I like to wander the local area and read.

We do a mix of everything we each love either separately or together. If you want everyone to be spending intense 121 time together for a whole week you will struggle.

Book a ski chalet in the summer, ideally with a pool or close to a lake with a beach.

My teens (17, 19, 19) love cruises. We have been going since they were babies, had a bit of a break and did a few AIs as we were a bit more restricted on dates for a while due to their sports but they really love it now they are older also. They even set up Snapchat groups beforehand (via the cruise FB group) and met up with other similar age kids last time, they have kept in touch with them.

I should have added, if you pick the right itinerary then you get the best of both worlds, food that works for picky eaters, a bit of sun, city break, or more picturesque places such as Fjords. We have done all sorts of different ones, my favourite was central med ft Venice, Croatia, Greece.

I immediately thought of a cruise too. I think it's ideal with teens as they can have relative freedom to go off on their own as they're contained on the ship. Most cruise lines have a teenage hangout space where they can come and go as they please but watch movies, video game, meet other teens etc.

Pools and sunbeds will be available but you're also visiting lots of different places and there are countless itineraries you could pick from. And you'd be spoilt for choice food wise.

I definitely need to unclench. I don’t really know how. I feel so much pressure. It’s so much money. We can afford it now but we went many years with not really being able to do holidays. I feel like I don’t really know how to do them right.

How long do you go on holiday for? Could you shorten it? That would give you more money and therefore more options - eg if there is a destination which has something for everyone but is a bit too pricey for a longer stay, you could still go.

Plan ahead for meals - if you see a restaurant someone wants to try later in the week, go in and check they will be open that day / time. Pick a couple of safe alternatives nearby that everyone agrees will be the default any night the planned restaurant isn't actually open as expected.

As unexciting as it may sound, firmness and planning is key, especially in a group where people have different wants / needs and will get upset fairly easily. Definitely discuss with DDs beforehand that any complaining is unacceptable. You have spent a lot of money on the holiday and put effort into making sure everyone has something they like in the 'plan.' Sometimes things still go wrong and you expect them to be mature and just accept that. They are not children who need to be placated. Definitely a good idea to get them to research options.

An alpine town like Annecy or Morzine might work. Stuff to do but also chance to chill. No beach but you can have pool, lakes & sunbathing

Let them do their own thing whilst on holiday to an extent, morning walk, if one DD doesn’t want to go leave her behind. Bit of time by the pool, with a book, visit an art gallery, again if the kids don’t want to go they don’t have to.

You wouldn’t spend 24:7 in each other pockets at home so don’t try to on holiday either.

Why do you go on holiday OP?

If its just because you think you should and then actually the cost is a stretch for you so you feel you need to get the absolute most out of it, then your just making yourself miserable for no reason.

What kind of holiday would help you feel relaxed and happy?

I go on holiday to take the pressure off myself.

• I don't want to have to cook, or clean.
• I want somewhere with room servicing daily so I get a nice fresh bed, close to amenities.
• It needs a pool for the boys and warm sunny weather for the husband.
• I don't want to have to think about food, so AI works well for us. Or if we go self catering it's nice breads and cheese and cold meats all week.
• I make sure I can say yes to everything the boys want so have plenty of euros for ice cream and fizzy drinks ect

Most importantly. I do not try to force "togetherness" we all do what we want when we want pretty much.

The kids want pizza and pasta? Italy seems the obvious choice! How about doing a little tour up north, you could take in the lakes and do some day trips to Milan or Venice or even cross into Switzerland. The trains are pretty good, the weather will be milder, and I don’t know anyone who’s been who hasn’t fallen in love with the place.

We like to book a flight to place A and a return from place B, then work out where to visit/stay inbetween. We’ve found a few days mooching about then a few days at a nice hotel with a pool works best.

I know what you mean, I too feel the pressure. I am the organiser and the payer! Partner and 2 older teens. Last year it was hard work.
There is no such thing as the perfect holiday, at least not unless you can spend tens of thousands. The best approach is to have low expectations and not over-plan. You're not responsible for others' emotions.
Me and the teens are going away by ourselves and leaving my partner at home this year, and I'm hoping it will be easier with one less person to fail to please..
Can you leave the older daughter at home if she's the more challenging to please one? Or tell them that you would rather relax at home this year, as they really pissed you off? It's your holiday too!

Definitely a cruise, I really think it’s an ideal holiday for teens as lots of dining options and everyone can do their own thing, with something to do for everyone. Royal Caribbean etc. do some amazing ships for teens. I’d get a balcony for you and DH and the girls in an inside if you can stretch to two cabins, you can often get these interconnecting.

A villa sounds like hell IMO, having to cook/clean and mess about finding restaurants if you want to eat out, plus ensure fussy eaters are catered for. Also the decent villas either require driving or are ££££ IME. Teens are typically bored in a villa as well so at least with a cruise you have a lot of options for activities.

I’ve never had a family holiday without at least one of those staring out to sea vowing never to do it again moments. Except dh lives to go on holiday so every year I try again

Mine are similar ages. It’s easier now that we can split up and do things with one or the other, or leave one behind in the holiday home for a short spell. My family have never functioned well as a herd.

I’ve had to consciously dial back on my parenting a bit - or at least be aware that they are not 9 and 7, anymore and resign as Chief Entertainment Officer.

Try Royal Caribbean, you will never see your teens.

When I was a teenager, I went on holiday with my parents quite a lot. I was an only child so there was only me to worry about but I wasn’t having a great time all the time because I was a teenager. I was bored.

I was quite an introverted book reading type so we used to go for walks and we would sit by the pool or we would swim or I would just wander about and yeah a lot of time I was bored. I would’ve been bored at home and I didn’t make a big deal out of it, but as an adult looking back on those holidays, I actually really cherish them and I think that they were good times that I really enjoyed.

So I would say -don’t beat yourself up too much about it because I imagine if your children are already asking where are you going to go on holiday this year then they’re saying that because they do want to go, not because they are dreading it so just try and cut yourself some slack and you know, just pick somewhere - go AI again because it really is easy: just pick somewhere like Greece, somewhere where you can go like Chania in Crete, because you can go into the town and there are plenty of all inclusive hotels not too far away from the centre that have pools that are in a nice enough location that you can go for walks etc- just do something like that and just try not to stress about it too much.

We once rented a villa near Barcelona when the DC were teens. We had some days at home around the pool (well three of us did, DD stayed in her room for a lot of the time because of the insects 🙄 but that was her issue and the rest of us did what we wanted) and other days in the city. It was a great mix of restful and active. We did a mix of eating out and barbecues at the villa.

When the DC get to 15 and 17 you can’t expect to all be doing the same things all the time. Sometimes DH and I would go off for a walk and the DC would stay at the villa, sometimes DS and I would go off for an explore and DD and DH would read their books back at base. I certainly wouldn’t be dancing around fussy eaters and constantly worrying if everyone was happy. Do what you want to do, offer for others to do it with you and accept it if they want to do their own thing. Our stipulations were that evenings were for time together and certain day trips the same but mostly we tried to keep it as flexible as possible.

Why not get them to organise some of the days out and pick things they want to do some of the days. Takes the pressure off you to constantly try please everyone.

It doesn’t matter if your child eats the same thing everyday for two weeks, they’re on holiday so they can eat what they want. My DC eat pizza, chips, bread rolls and butter the whole time - they don’t eat like that at home and aren’t allowed when we get home but when you’re on holiday it’s different. DP and I don’t drink unlimited beer at home but when you’re on holiday and you’ve paid for AI, why not?!

You have one DD who likes to go out and explore, visit places and take photos and one DD who enjoys the pool and lying in the sun so pick an all inclusive holiday with long walks and lots of excursions available. Can one adult go out and do days out with one DD and the other stay at the hotel with the other one? Or you alternate - day 1 at the hotel, day 2 you have a day out, day 3 at the hotel etc?

Holidays are about compromise and taking turns to do things that each family member likes, not having everything your own way. When your DD’s are grown up that will still be the case with future partners and their own kids so it’s not a bad lesson to learn now. Compromise or no holiday…..

Definitely try a cruise.

Slovenia?

Another cruise vote, first holiday I had that actually felt like I got a holiday too. Everything is organised for you, each person can have a totally different holiday on the same boat. We also aren't that keen on the heat and a Norwegian Fjords cruise in August was our absolute dream holiday. It was still warm enough to swim in the pool/lay beside it for the ones who wanted to and so much else to do for those who didn't.

I’ve taken my teens on cruises for the last 3 years (now 19 and 17). We’ve been with Celebrity to Greek Islands/Montenegro/Croatia/ Venice then Norwegian Fjords and Greek Islands/Mainland/Turkey last year

Stuff to do, places to see and explore, swimming in the sea and space on the ship to escape from each other - plus loads of eating options. I would highly recommend for teens/parents with differing likes

We went on our first cruise in 2019, DD1 was about 17 and DD2 was 11 and just finished primary school. Although neither left our sides the whole time (2weeks) both really loved it. The second time was in 2022, again both really enjoyed it (had separate cabins but still with us all the time). We went on our third last year with just DD2 who was three weeks shy of her 18th but she went off in the evenings to do stuff with similar ages. Both would definitely go again but mainly because neither will fly 🙄

What about a holiday planning night where you all order a takeaway and each turn up with a list of three things you’d really like to get out of your next holiday? Whether it’s where you go, what you eat, the type of accomodation, activities, etc? And what about having two short city breaks instead of one big holiday? And (I would definitely do this), don’t leave meal bookings to DH, it’s clearly not his forte and getting meals right is really important for family harmony. Your DDs could make a list together and run by you for approval and DH could have a lovely surprise!