How do I get good at holidays?

[Jadyt]

Two teen DDs DH and me. We all get along great and a have a lovely time together at home, so the idea of going on holiday is always appealing, but it never works.

Both DDs are fairly picky eaters. The most successful holiday we’ve had food wise was when we tried all inclusive and DD2 ate spag bol every single flipping day. But activities wise the AI didn’t really fit. Both DDs are pretty busy with hobbies/extracurriculars at home, but take them away from that and they don’t seem terribly interested in any of the usual holiday activities, or at least not in the same ones. DD1 will happily go for long walks around picturesque places and take photos for IG, but DD2 will complain. DD2 will hang out at the pool and enjoy a bit of sun, but DD1 doesn’t like the heat and will not get her hair wet outside of her strict wash/straighten/curl regime.

Meanwhile I always sleep really badly, end up exhausted trying to keep everyone happy, feel like a control freak, try to step back and relax but then DH doesn’t bother to check whether the restaurant he’s found is actually open that day, then we’re walking the streets and I’m googling other options and ugh, I just hate holidays.

The DDs have been asking about if we’re going away this year and just the thought of it is depressing me. I know I should be grateful that they still want to go on holiday with us at all, but I just fantasise about going away just me and DH and having an actual relaxing enjoyable holiday where I can do whatever I want without worrying about anyone else.

You are not being unreasonable, and your daughters sound a little selfish and spoilt. Family holidays are about compromise and understanding that you can't have your own way all the time, only some of the time.

I would have a frank discussion about the issues and see if there is a compromise to be reached.

I personally have found all inclusive great for the food issues. Could you find one near a nice town or picturesque area for your DD that likes photos or trips out?

Have you tried somewhere like centre parks where one can stay by the pool in less heat and the other can still go on walks? They need to accept they can’t have everything in life though, they need to be a bit more grateful and compromise without moaning

What does it matter if she ate the same thing? One of mine ate a lot of chips and chicken nuggets or pizza and we told her as long as she was sampling other foods in small amounts then she could do that and actually found she loved the fruit options and paella.

Cruise? Lots of different activities they could do independently if they wanted. Lots of food choices too.

Cruise holiday would suit.

AI is great for a picky eater.

They can actually try just a spoonful of something without it being crucial if they like it or not as they can just help themself to something else or they can eat the food they are comfortable with all week. Sounds ideal.

Re the walk or the not going in the pool - so what ?
If you want to go for a walk and one dd comes and the other doesn't, then do that.
Re one not being so keen on the heat - I guess you choose somewhere likely to be 'warm enough' but not suffocating, and the one who wants to avoid the heat gets up and does her thing earlier and has a siesta in the middle of the day. AI is fab for this as you can drift in and out and have your meals as and when you like them.
Your dds will work out, after a couple of days if it is more important to them to be with each other or to make some comrpmises.

Stop trying to make other people happy.

I'd say what you said here.

And not go on holiday? Or go and not care that we’ve spent thousands and they’re not enjoying it?

AI was definitely the best for no stress eating. But trying to do anything was difficult. The best times were early evening when we’d sit and play games. Filling the days was harder.
Maybe I have to accept that holidays are spending money to get that time together in the evening, and not care that they would rather chill in their room for the rest of the time.

Well if they’d rather chill in their room the rest of the time, you can do what you want and enjoy relaxing like you want surely?

How old are they? If older teens, just leave them to have a relaxed time at home, and go on your own!

I see your point, but if I was doing what I wanted we wouldn’t be in an AI resort in the first place…

So flip the Q. What do YOU want to do on holiday?

Another vote for cruise. All the benefits of AI with more choices than your average AI. Those who want to be busy can go off on trips each day or wander round a new port. Those who want pool can stay onboard and there's usually an indoor area which isn't as hot. Loads to do at night.

Then don’t go to one… accept them
being fussy with food elsewhere. teens aren’t going to starve to death on holiday.

Do families with teens go on cruises? I have always thought of them as something for families with young kids or older people.

That is a very good question. I have no idea. A city, art galleries, a meal at a michelin starred restaurant. Or walks around lakes. 21-25 degrees max. No beaches. No swimming pools.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say you will go on holiday but it does cost a lot of money and it currently doesn't seem to be meeting people's needs.

Ask for ideas and if you can reach a consensus, go on holiday but if they have skin in the game, they can't be moaning.

If you can't, find an alternative solution for them and go on holiday with your DH or stay at home and do fun things.

Why don't you do some city breaks instead?

Less overwhelming, less time away from activities and friends?

Go to Jersey. You can stay somewhere with a swimming pool and there are beaches, lovely coastal walks, great places to eat, shopping, spas, bowling, cinema, castles and history and it won't be too hot.

What about a city break? My teens enjoy these more - theres more to do and they dont really care about lounging in the sun. I enjoy mooching about shops, seeing sights, hopping on a train to another nearby city. Even when we've done bigger holidays to say US, we did a multi-state, multi-city stay. I dont get just staying one resort, same beach, swimming pool everyday, that would be very boring for me let alone my teens. And I also have to manage a fussy eater teen with serious food allergy - I need the flexibility of self catering so we have options of supermarket/food market/restaurant.

We found it a great holiday with teens, treat it like a floating taxi where you arrive somewhere different every day. Pick the right itinerary and there should be plenty of places to visit with IG opportunities for DD. Shows, films and other activities in the evening if you’re into that. Lots of places to chill, play cards, read and have a drink as you sail to your next destination and lots of food choices.

Book a villa.

Near bordeaux or Amsterdam or Vienna. Somewhere with culture and Michelin restaurants. A pool in the garden and a big supermarket shop when you arrive. We use Vrbo.

Holidays are not for 'filling the days', they are for relaxing. For DD1 to read a book, DD2 to top up her tan. For them to hang out one evening while you and DH go to the Michelin restaurant.

We now go away together as a couple and leave DC teens with grandparents and then take whoever wants a city break away.

Last year we had a week in Tuscany in a villa just the two of us. Barely left the villa other than to top up wine and food!

Then I took DD to a European city to look at Art and DH took DD away to another city. We have another child who is autistic and doesn't travel.

There are so many options other than AI!

Ha! This is what we did last year. I really thought it was the answer. I still ended up having a minor breakdown when DH promised brunch without checking if the restaurant was open then when I found somewhere that had pancakes DD1 pulled a face because she had been looking forward to the French toast.

I walked away from the lot of them and sat staring out to sea and swore I would never go on holiday with them again. (This incident was very much a straw that broke the camel’s back situation).