How do I get good at holidays?

[Jadyt]

Two teen DDs DH and me. We all get along great and a have a lovely time together at home, so the idea of going on holiday is always appealing, but it never works.

Both DDs are fairly picky eaters. The most successful holiday we’ve had food wise was when we tried all inclusive and DD2 ate spag bol every single flipping day. But activities wise the AI didn’t really fit. Both DDs are pretty busy with hobbies/extracurriculars at home, but take them away from that and they don’t seem terribly interested in any of the usual holiday activities, or at least not in the same ones. DD1 will happily go for long walks around picturesque places and take photos for IG, but DD2 will complain. DD2 will hang out at the pool and enjoy a bit of sun, but DD1 doesn’t like the heat and will not get her hair wet outside of her strict wash/straighten/curl regime.

Meanwhile I always sleep really badly, end up exhausted trying to keep everyone happy, feel like a control freak, try to step back and relax but then DH doesn’t bother to check whether the restaurant he’s found is actually open that day, then we’re walking the streets and I’m googling other options and ugh, I just hate holidays.

The DDs have been asking about if we’re going away this year and just the thought of it is depressing me. I know I should be grateful that they still want to go on holiday with us at all, but I just fantasise about going away just me and DH and having an actual relaxing enjoyable holiday where I can do whatever I want without worrying about anyone else.

What ages are they are they old enough to do their own things on holiday or can you do a swap with dh where one of you has a pool day with dd and other goes for a walk together. You don't have to spend all your time together as a 4 on holiday. Also get them involved in the booking of things they fancy doing and what they want from a holiday you might find the odd activity matches up

What about a couple of city breaks? You're bound to find a pizza place for your picky eaters.

You could do Stockholm and then a few days by a lake. Have you asked your DDs what they'd like to do?

Food wise - self catering or AI

both of mine were picky eaters so even if staying in hotels we’d go to the local supermarket and get picky bits (bread, apples, orange juice, cheese, etc) for one meal a day.

city break sounds like it would be more helpful. More stuff to do. You can research restaurants in advance as well - one of my picky eaters is now Buddhist so vegan and the other is just picky still.

in the U.K. we have found places like York good - the minster plus old places to see and in the shambles there is a food court with lots of pop up places with a massive range of cuisines.

maybe Barcelona or somewhere like that?

I still ended up having a minor breakdown when DH promised brunch without checking if the restaurant was open then when I found somewhere that had pancakes DD1 pulled a face because she had been looking forward to the French toast

You do seem like a very highly strung family.

I started taking my DD on cruise holidays when she was around 13. Never bothered with report holidays as we much prefer going to places and would be bored rigid staying in a hotel with a pool etc. Lots of families go on cruises with teenagers. You can all do you own thing and then have days out together.

Only when we go on holiday!

1. Go somewhere about 25 degreesish. No need to roast.
2. Stop caring what your daughter chooses to eat on holiday. It's her holiday too, let her pick!
3. Let go of the idea of everyone doing everything together all the time. If they're ok being left separately, embrace it.

I personally recommend Barcelona. Enough sea and pool for one daughter, enough exploring for the other. Just enjoy the times you come together and don't try shove square pegs into round holes. And think about the holiday YOU want. Personally I like a bit of both, so I'd spend time with each daughter separately.

Long weekend city breaks are probably the answer, not long enough for me to lose my mind through sleep deprivation, and enough pizza restaurants to keep everyone happy.

When we were still holidaying with 3 kids in a very wide age range a villa holiday worked for us - it gives everyone a bit more space to do their own thing and wandering around supermarkets letting them pick their own nibbles worked a treat. You can research local restaurants and attractions with the kids so they know what to expect.

This . Get them involved and
let them plan / book restaurants and don’t make all the pressure on you .

Stop caring what your daughter chooses to eat on holiday. It's her holiday too, let her pick!

A couple of people had said this kind of thing. I don’t care! I said the most successful trip we’ve had food wise was the AI. That was why we did it.

Sorry if I’ve missed this but how old are your DDs? I think I would’ve been really told off for being spoilt if I acted that way about french toast at an age any older than 12 or 13. I still remember being 15 and complaining on a holiday about a restaurant and my mum being very cross with me. I very quickly realised I was being a brat! I would say to your DDs that if they’re asking about going away and would like another holiday, they need to be willing to work with you to make it a good one.

You haven’t answered about your DDs’ ages but if they are mid teens or older why can’t the sunbather stay by the pool while the rest of you go for walks?

Because if it’s hot enough to lounge around the pool it’s too hot to (comfortably) go for walks.

She was definitely too old to behave like that and she was definitely made aware of my feelings on the matter. And in the six months since she seems to have improved a great deal. DD2 is still difficult though. And now has braces on top of everything 🙄🙄🙄

if they are teens, let them research the places and propose options. In our family, everyone in turn gets to choose a holiday destination and main activities. There will be less whining if they chose the place, and more appreciation for what actually goes into holiday planning.

How old are the children? Might help with suggestions of trips that might work for you?

Ok, this is embarrassing. They are 17 and 15.

I like the idea of making them plan it 😄

It sounds like for whatever reason you all want different things from a holiday and have ended up doing things you think should fit everyone's needs but it's not being appreciated as such.
What do you think would happen if you asked your DDs to come up with a holiday plan. You could give them a budget (be clear that has to include food, travel and excursions as well as accommodation) and any other non-negotiables from you then ask them to come up with a plan (or a couple of options) they are both happy with. Do you think they'd work together to come up with ideas? It could be a good learning experience for them to research costs and options and hopefully they'd feel invested in making it work.

Sorry, crossed post with Hobbitfeet!

Everyone needs to be more chill and tolerant. We’ve always taken our kids wishes into consideration but they have to go where we’ve agreed and muddle along without whinging. They do however need to know what the plan is and I’m the one who ends up
doing the organising.

OK. At that age I stopped doing beach holidays with my DC. I got each of them to write five city destinations they would like to go to on a list, and I did the same.

We went to the one place we had all written down (Rome) and we just continued like that for a few years, having a couple of breaks a year.

Now I go away with each one separately and that’s even easier!

I use ai for the convenience but make sure it's in a location with good transport links so we can get out and about. We stayed in a hotel in Rhodes with a boat stop at the hotel with lots of trips and a safe sea for dd to swim in and spot fish. I ask everyone their top priority and try to find the best compromise so I like a varied buffet, dh likes to visit some historic ruins and dd likes a beach with a sea she can swim in. I need to get out and explore

Well the 17 year old could stay home if they don’t like the planned trip. If you do all go away together then I think picking a destination together and agreeing certain things that each person may like to do. This will involve some compromise. And also you can go and do what you’d like to as they are old enough to entertain themselves if they don’t want to join you.

It’s the 17yo that wants to go on holiday. I’m gonna make her plan it…