If you invite someone for a bit of dinner at 5pm, what time would you be cooking to sit and watch?

[Thesofathatwas]

Not a formal dinner party btw.
This has happened a few times.
Invited for tea, told to come for 5. Great! Thrilled!
Arrived at 4.50.
Didnt start cooking till 6.30. Ate at 7.45..
Could have eaten my own arm. Starving.

Happened again at a BBQ. Over 2.5 hours until food served.

Would this bother you or would you be meh?

That is shite. It has happened to me too. A few times. Honestly puts me off going to anyone's house now 'for a meal.' Or 'for food.'

DH and I were invited to someones house in the village some 2 years ago - 'come for 5.30pm for a meal' they said. The first 'course' was 8pm! The second one (main) was 9.15pm. We were so hungry! We hadn't eaten since midday! And we had been there 4 hours by the main course, and were actually tired and bored at this point....

Went to a birthday party last summer (young adult, party started at 1.30pm) and snacks and buffet/nibbles were due to be pulled out around 3pm. So I had a slice of toast and a banana at 11.30am (Only had a yogurt for breakfast at 8am.) It got to 3pm, then 4pm, then 5pm. I was like 6pm the buffet/snacks and nibbles came out! I could have eaten a scabby donkey at that point!

As I say, I do turn down many invites like this now. CBA to sit there wondering when the FUCK the food is coming out! #HANGRY!

I am hearing this kind of thing happening more and more, but I've only experienced it once. It's as if hosting as a notion is changing.

If invited for 5 I'd expect to eat no later than 6. Hour before bit of leeway then general chit chat before meal. If fed after 6 I'd be rather miffed

I would expect to eat a normalish time so maybe start eating anytime between 6 and 8. But I’d expect snacks offered quite soon from arriving. I’d bring something to share if they had form for this.

I think I’d expect dinner to probably be served at dinner time (which, to me, is around 19:00-20:00), regardless of what time I was invited for. If I was invited to come over at 17:00, I’d assume we’d have a couple of hours of chat/drinks etc pre dinner. I’m pretty flexible though and would be happy if they served any time from 18:00 until 21:00 ish.

It sounds fair. Presumably your friend wants to chat and catch up before cooking and you’re there to see her. Not just to be fed? 7.45 isn’t late for a meal with friends at all. Me and dc frequently eat at that time on a school night let alone anything else

Well then the 'inviter' needs to tell the people they're inviting that they can come at 5.30pm, but food won't be dished out for at least 2 hours. At least give people a heads-up. Most people (as this thread has illustrated) will be starving by then, as many people expecting food by 6pm won't have eaten since midday.

No one is ‘starving’ after having to wait a couple of hours longer than usual for a meal.

In the sense of ‘starving’ meaning ‘very hungry’, yes, they can be.

You know very well what is meant by this phrase being used in this context so don't pretend otherwise.

I completely agree with you both points - arriving late is very rude, and inconsiderate of both the hosts who are cooking and any other guests.
But I also get very frustrated by an invitation to a meal at x time, plan my day/other eating around that, only to find that we actually eat hours after said time. I have friends with a history of this, so now I ask what time roughly we will be eating.

Arriving early is rude too.

This is exactly how it is. I once arrived on time to a party my relative hosted only to find her beginning to make the birthday cake. I love her and don’t care but I’d be fascinated to understand why some people’s brains process this as normal lol.

I would take it that I am invited for 5pm, for dinner at some time after that, but definitely not dinner at 5pm. However I would be hoping for dinner around 7pm.

Personally I wouldn't be cooking for guests while they are there, or at least not doing the prep - I might pop something I have already prepared in the oven. I try to spend the time with my guests, not in the kitchen.

We usually eat around 6pm so I would probably ensure I had a snack before arriving if I thought I would be eating later. And NEVER arrive early!

I would arrive around 5:05 - 5:15 as was taught it is good manners to give the hosts an extra few minutes to finish preparation. Never early !!!
In someone’s home I would expect not to eat until after 6:30 and if they were making a special adult meal it would be 7 onwards. An invitation to a home to socialise is very different to a table in a restaurant where they aim to tableturn in 90 mins.
Honestly I don’t think you should accept further invitations from these hostas as you are too uptight.

Generally I would expect the meal to be served around an hour or so after the arrival time. But 5pm is early so I might clarify with the hosts what time we would be eating so that I could make sure I ate breakfast/lunch at an appropriate time.

5pm is just after lunch surely ? I would expect to eat no earlier than 6.30. But I wouldn't invite anyone that early surely people aren't home from work by then ?

I would say dinner at 7.30/8 so come anytime after 6 for drinks So people know

I give up.

It’s more trouble than it’s worth to ask a hypothetical question on MN these days.

In the past I have enjoyed the variation in opinions, viewpoints and conversational approaches but now it’s the frustrating hyper focus and over the top nitpicking on small details derailing the main points. Plus of course the nasty uncalled for comments.

Of course, now will ensue a barrage of abuse.

But for those of you with genuinely great insight and ability to offer great conversation I thank you for your company.

5 seems very early for a dinner invite. I would have clarified, if there are children involved it might be a really early meal, if it was adults only I would be a bit puzzled by the 5 invite but would expect 7 - 7:30 as an eating time.

🤔

Given those timings, I’d be both hungry and very annoyed. If I was invited for tea at 5pm, I’d be expecting to have left for home by 7:45

Given those timings, I’d be both hungry and very annoyed. If I was invited for tea at 5pm, I’d be expecting to have left for home by 7:45

Are we dealing with a north/south divide, here? Or a cultural misreading? The OP clearly says she was invited for tea

OP’s title says dinner, so in this case tea means dinner (as it often does depending on location).

The BBQ would bother me less, but I'd expect snacks and drinks to be available at a BBQ while the meat was prepared.

I had a friend invite me to dinner at 7, she was late so we waited outside her house for 20 minutes (!) and then she didn't start cooking until gone 8 and we were just sitting down to eat at 9.

Luckily she is a very good friend and when she invited me to dinner again I said 9 was too late for my liking and she made an effort to cook earlier. I still had a snack before coming over though and that helped.