l need advice, l can feel the argument building already, we have had the same conversation twice already, l hate the pressure.
As the title says, l hate my birthday, it’s actually nothing to do with turning 50, l am in a good place with my life. Two lovely children, a happy marriage, a nice home and l am in college to change my job. I have a handful of friends who l see every few weeks and l have my health, honestly l am grateful for what l have.
But l don’t get why birthdays are such a big deal, l like other people birthdays, l make sure my children have lovely birthdays.
Growing up with 3 siblings and a birthday early Feb, l never got any presents, we weren’t rich, my parents were probably still paying Christmas off in January and l would get my birthday presents at the end of February, My siblings all had birthdays later in the year and they had parties in the garden, balloons, streamers big cakes, they were so much fun. I am smiling remembering them, One of my favourite photos of all 4 of us is at my little sister party. There was only one year l had a party, my 18th and my aunty paid for a stripper, you can not imagine how mortified l was and then one of my other aunties telling me l had to take part because l was being ungrateful and it was my party, l think people thought l was crying with laughter l really wasn’t .
Cut to now , l still hate my birthday and all the pressure of what do you want for your birthday, what are you doing for your 50th seems like it’s magnified by 100 times. I learnt when l was younger if l wanted any thing, to just get it myself, l work hard so l can afford to do this within reason.
l have just had a repeated conversation with my husband, what do you want for your birthday, l said just get me flowers and chocolates, in fact l said mslteasers, l love them and have you seen the price of a big box now!! My god!!. Then he starts going on about how he has ideas for gifts so l said please don’t buy me a voucher to go to a spa, l don’t enjoy it, Don’t get me vouchers for the hairdressers l am looking to change, definitely don’t buy me a gift where it’s something l have to do with someone. I am not very materialistic l don’t care for things and l don’t want to get “something” l don’t want or need because that’s just a waste of money.
And this is the problem, he takes it personally like l don’t want anything from him, what’s it going to look like to everyone,but l don’t care what it looks like to everyone else, it’s my birthday!! . My friends are trying to organise a big night out and l know it’s going to involve a birthday headband/ hat. I don’t want that it feels like forced fun. I just want to hide under the covers and not speak of it and let it pass.
Am l mad not to enjoy my birthday? I can’t be the only one?
And yes l know there’s bigger problems in the world but this feels like mine at the moment and honestly my whole body feels heavy with dread, sorry it’s so long!! I know l am lucky to have people who want to spend on me for my birthday, l would rather just rather it be a different day and not centred on me.