Uhhh my mum is so annoying, everytime there a descion to be made or soemthing to be done she always says, what does your husband think about that ..

[StarfromtheNorth]

As if his is the only
opinion that matters

and it could be about anything
holidays
going away with friends for a weekend
work things
literally anything

sorry I needed a vent

I can see why you are annoyed. She appears to have a pretty sexist attitude. Was she like this with you dad?

Have you told her it's no longer 1950?

Say I say I’m going away with a few friends for someone’s birthday
2 nights

she will say ohhhh doesn’t x mind ?

as if he should

like I should have no sort of life or friends etc

with dad she got the rough end of the deal with working full time and yet doing everything at home too

What should i reply when she says that

no course he doesn’t ?

why would he ?

arm we are both allowed to do things and have friends ?

Or something else

How old is your Mum?

Obviously no need to say if you don’t want to! I’m just always interested on here to see how some attitudes still persist. I’m in my 50s. My parents are now 80s/90s and I was always raised in the belief that I (and my opinion) are equal to any man - so much so that it wasn’t even mentioned. I find it jarring when people talk about attitudes like this as I think of my grandparents generation who are long gone.

How about 'I wouldn't have married him if he did' (mind)

Just say 'Dunno, haven't asked him', and change the subject?

So she was a subservient mug then!
And presumably believes ALL relationships are like that.

Id feel sorry for her rather than miffed tbh.

Exactly this

I suppose it depends on what the decision to be made involves.

Whether or not to spend 50k on a new car or getting an extension built on the house… entirely reasonable.

A new handbag… not so much.

"He wants me to be happy, and I am". 😊

Maybe something a bit less curt with more understanding that things were clearly different for her and society in general, when she was your age maybe?

Do you also get annoyed with others who have limited understanding/experience of things, or just your mum?

Frequently. But my mother turned eighty on Friday, and grew up in a very traditional, patriarchal rural environment, and still grasps that I don't need to 'ask my DH' about things.

But I asked the question to the OP about her mother, not yours?

It's great that yours can grasp it I guess, but it has nothing to do with the OP.

This. Short and simple.

You answer - "DH is an equal parent and happy to look after his kids for a couple of days to allow me to have a much deserved break". Basically every answer is some version of the phrase "DH and I are equals".

Mine only grasped it because my siblings and I trained her, patiently, over a period of many years. See also saying the word 'period' in front of her and pointing out, 'Look, Mum, the sky didn't fall in.'

My point being that people can change.

I would probably ask her nicely what she means and why he would mind. I think if you keep doing that it will make the point and she will stop asking that kind of thing

How about oh he thinks we should go skiiing in Japan for a month, but id miss him and the kids. Etc! if she asks what he thinks about something your cooking or food say oh he thinks we should consider going vegan to not hurt animals feelings. If she asks about the kids activities say he thinks they could be very competitive in hang gliding, not many kids do it so easier to stand out. Or he thinks we have future Olympic figure skaters on our hands.

I was raised like you. But MIL was totally different and is unbelievably sexist, in her late 70s. She thinks men shouldn’t lift a finger around the house and that if they are shit at cooking “that’s just men”. DSIL is mid-40s and has internalised the lot and spouts it. DH had to teach himself housework at uni. I’m a bit younger than DSIL and don’t hold with this crap and neither did my deceased DGM who, if she was alive, would be over 100 now. She was the breadwinner in my mum’s family and had a fantastic hospital career.

So you think it is OK to go away with your friends and leaving the kids with your husband without asking him first?
Isn't it expected to ask the opinion on the decisions like holidays and going away that involve both?

I wonder what the reply will be if the situation is reverse. "My DH didn't ask me before going away for two days".

From what's written your mother doesn't ask you to follow all the wishes of your DH or get his permission, she is asking about his opinion. It is a sign of respect to ask another person's opinions and views, and then decide what to do with it.

I value my DH's opinion, whether it is on a bag or about the work situation. My mother asks about my DH's opinion - not because patriarchal attitudes but because she respects my DH and she values his view.

My mum's the same. It's not that my opinion doesn't matter but his "approval" seems necessary. I always just respond with "He'll do as he's told."😁

I dont know i havent asked.
Because you dont have to.

I think it's a wise question to ask (of any adult male or female) of one part of a couple. This gives you (a) a chance to reflect with a second, even contrary take on the subject and (b) it keeps the other party in the loop. I don't see sexism here myself. Maybe I am wrong and sexist myself. I always ask my wife and practically beg her agreement on anything (except perhaps when it comes to kitchen gadgets, which I love to buy and she is content without them). Love & Peace.