How would you manage this childcare issue?

[firstworldprobz]

Probably a simple issue to fix but wondering how other mums manage this.

For context we have no other family (or friends who would be able to assist) so it’s just me and DH. DH works long hours and gets home around 9-10 in the week.

I work from home and freelance writing so I have flexibility to pick my DD up from school after clubs around 4.00-5.

From September I’m going to be studying and need to book my place on a course one day a week. The only courses I can find are finishing st 5.30 in central London, and we live in Zone 3. So all being well with trains I would get home (the school is close) by 6.15/6.30, but in the event of transport issues or strikes it could be later.

The school wraparound care finishes at 5.45.

What kind of childcare am I even looking for for this small once a week block? No nannies would work such a shift surely, but I’m also not comfortable with, say, an unqualified teenager looking after DD. (She is 5 and can be emotional, dysregulated after school and also hates having babysitters and gets really upset).

I know there are plenty of working parents without my flexibility who manage this daily, but I guess if you do it 5 days a week it’s easier to employ someone versus just one evening.

I really want to book this course as it will qualify me for further work but what’s the best solution for me?

But presumably OP and her DH agreed that it’s fine for him to do that job, knowing the implications and that she’d be covering the child stuff. It’s OP who wants to make the change to the existing situation so that’s why she needs to sort out the childcare.

Oh ok. Yes he can carry on as he is. Not getting involved in any childcare and she can really struggle to do this course one day a week. Very fair.

He kind of gets the better deal in all this. Imagine having a career and a child but never having to factor anything to do with said child. Basically like a single man. Good for him.

Why is she going to ‘really struggle’? All she has to do is hire a babysitter, it’s not a big deal that requires career change. Just because you married an idiot it doesn’t automatically mean OPs marriage is shit also.

I would look for someone that picks her up from school and has her from 3pm until you get in. So a longer time commitment but she is home in her own space, has dinner before you get in and builds a relationship beyond a transactional 2 hrs a week. Sounds like a babysitter that she could get on with might be a good thing to have in your back pocket?

I didn’t say her marriage was shit.
Just that childcare should be a joint problem. If it was that easy OP wouldn’t be posting on here.

Ok I’m wrong - this is all OP’s issue to sort out. And we wonder why women drop out of the workplace……this is from other women too. Wow.

How have you deduced I married an idiot? I just had to push hard to make him do his share. This isn’t happening here. That’s fine.

Tbh, I have been here, and my choice was to delay starting the course until my dc were older.

Schools do not have this information

OP works from home as a free lance writer and is now thinking of hiring a babysitter for an hour a week, I don’t think she’s really in danger of dropping out of the work force. You are being really quite dramatic about the whole thing. Her DH might be totally willing to hire a babysitter, she’s not said otherwise

Great. Sorted. He can do that. Op doesn’t have to worry then, the father is sorting it.

My childminder would pick up this sort of contract if she had space on the right day. That also helps with school holidays.

Some do

OP is asking on mumsnet for ideas of what kind of childcare might work. Because MN is a good source of that sort of idea. Makes sense to me.

OK, but how does a request for flexible working work if the husband is e.g. a pilot? My DH would never be able to put in a flexible working request, some jobs just are not compatible.

Absolutely some are not compatible, although these presumably pay enough to choose whatever childcare you want, otherwise they’re not worth it.

but it is also true, that one of the reasons we don’t see as many female CEOs is because many couples see the childcare as the women’s role, and the fathers have freedom to forge their careers without so much as a single second thinking about who will look after their child on a day both parents are otherwise engaged.

there are far more posts on here saying ‘dh can’t get flexible working’ than can possibly be true, and we all know that many aren’t even asking.

Well I guess that’s up to the school.
I am a childminder and the schools I collect from hold a list of us to pass on to parents.
We update it as and when our vacancies change.

Same, theres no reason you can’t ask childminders if they have space. It would be better for the full after school session on that day though. It will likely depend what day it is and whether they have a space or not. They aren’t as constrained in numbers for after school as they are for babies I think.

Divorce husband and get a man who cares about his family 😉

Or an after school childminder, someone who can take direct from school and drop the after school club that day.

How much does DH actually see of his DD?

do You have a uni / college nearby that you could contact an education course and see if any students want some
experiemce caring for kids? I did something like this through college / uni, few hours a week but all experience and then you have someone trusted and your daughter knows for any ad hoc babysitting?

in fairness to the DH he probably only works that type of job as knows his wife has the flexibility of being freelance, something you would like to think they discussed before having kids.

Plenty people both men & women work jobs that are very inflexible, way the world works, the difficulty is if 2 parents work that type of job then childcare by parents is very challenging.

I have the kind of job where I have to work late, and travel a lot, I work in investment banking. I’m also female. I couldn’t just ask for flexible working, or announce I needed to leave at 4pm once a week for 2 years. My boss would think I’d lost my mind. Some jobs /careers really do mean you’re at the beck and call of your clients/boss. And you know that before you take the job.

OP, things we’ve done over the years:

Childminder picking up once a week. Your DD will settle and probably enjoy making some new friends and doing activities once a week even if it takes a little while for her to get used to it. If you can find one a friend from school also uses, even better.

We used nursery workers after nursery closed to bring her home and stay with her until one of us got home. Maybe someone from after school club would do this. You have to pay them well but it’s someone from school she’s familiar with.

After school nanny share, as an alternative to ASC for maybe 2-3 days a week. It’s the expensive option but they are qualified and a smaller number of children so less overwhelming.

Can you reach out to any of the nursery, pre-school or before & after school provision that you have used (and been happy with) to see if any of their staff could offer this? At my DDs pre-school there were a couple of staff that did this and the continuity worked well.

If there's a childminder at the school who works til 6.30pm and has a space I'd try that first.

If not I'd try Bubble for an ongoing babysitter - you could make it school pick up as well so it's a reasonable chunk of money.

Ahh, husband has “big important job” and can’t look after his children.

You need an au pair / nanny / childminder. Ask your husband to find one, since it is his problem.