Things you have done to make your life better/calmer

[PersephoneParlormaid]

Ive just been reading a post where someone is talking about doing things, or stopping things, to make life easier and calmer, so I thought I’d ask what you have done to hopefully help and inspire others.
For me the loft being jammed packed was really weighing on my mind and causing low level stress for years. So a couple of years ago, in the spring when it’s cooler/warmer, I committed to cleaning it out. It was hard work but I was ruthless, and all that’s up there now is the kids toys and Xmas decorations. I can’t tell you how much happier it’s made me feel getting it done. I think it was reading about Swedish death cleaning that inspired me.
Another thing I do is regularly unsubscribe to emails, especially after Xmas. I couldn’t see the things I needed to see for all the crap in there.
Then I stopped sending Xmas cards. It surprising how many less you get when you don’t send them, so I assume those people didn’t want to send them to me eitner.
And I gave up drinking. It was affecting my sleep and making me so tired the day after. I honestly don’t miss it.
Finally, I say no. If I’m asked to do something I often say no straightaway and then think about it. If I decide to then do it that’s fine. Having a clear calendar with empty days to do nothing is bliss in my book.

I don’t think there is.

i think one thing that would help is for you to contact Womens Aid for some advice and support. Your situation isn’t forever, you can take the first step to changing it easily. It won’t all be easy but
that first step can be.

The MH section of chat is great and you could
start a thread in there asking your questions about breakdowns as you / I are not alone.

thank you. I contacted Women's Aid last week. they seemed clear that the relationship is very abusive now but was also abusive all along and would be a factor on my breakdwon. it was actually my psychologist who treated me that spotted this. it was work that triggered my psychosis.
I will try ot find the chat thing

its hard becasue I worked so so. so very hard for my phd and cadmic career and the theme of the research was social justice in a na area that was personally. close to me because Amy childhood trauma in poverty. and I passed with no corrections and it was world class research according to the examiners. im so very sad and bereft as I lost everythign

What a great thread! Lots of amazing advice I need implemented in my life as well, so thanks to OP and everyone!

I'm also going through decluttering and trying to reorganize the space and I found out there are plenty of useful articles on related software websites, like this one on decorating small spaces to make them look bigger or this one here on what to do with old photos. I used to overlook that stuff since I wasn't going to use the products anyway but it turned out it could be quite helpful on its own.
Another one is that I use Chat gpt for search and in many cases it helps amazingly since I don't need to spend time opening multiple articles trying to find the exact info I need. Though you still need to double check some things because sometimes AI compilation answers aren't entirely correct.

@LucyLoo1972

Well this thread will hopefully help us all to never get to that stage and I’m sorry for everything you have gone through. You should start a thread about your specific situation and you will get lots of advice and support there.

Thank you for sharing your story as it brings it home how we need to all look after our mental health and the seriousness of having a better and calm life. All the best.

I totally agree!

1 Watch less TV, watch YT instead
2 Not watch or listen 24 hour news
3 Not able to play group sports anymore not missing it.
4 If something needs action similar to tiding, do it now
5 Do not take a non answer form a so called health professional, get an answer
6 If I am treated like a child throw the insult back at them.
7 Do not take any fob offs or shit

I just decluttered a drawer!! I loved that suggestion of doing just a drawer a day. It's so much easier, isn't it?

And this is pertinent with regard to what @LucyLoo1972 has posted. In the drawer, I found an old letter I had written to my now XH (it was his old paperwork drawer that I thought I'd sorted through years ago). I was setting out my feelings about a lot of the shit he was doing. Pages of me pouring my heart out to him and literally begging him for changes. Reading it took me back 10yrs to when I was still married and in the thick of it, and it's made me feel both sick (with remembering) and fucking relieved that I'm not in the thick of it anymore. I should have left then - and I wish I did - but I felt so tied to my marriage vows that I didn't dare, and thought that I'd somehow be a failure. @LucyLoo1972, please read some of the threads on here to find your strength. I lurked on here and found the strength slowly but surely to state my boundaries, enforce them etc...rather than repeatedly forgive and put up with never-ending shit. xx

We watch Miami Vice, Frasier etc, love it. I might even buy Golden Girls. Also not 80s or 90s but Virgin River and Heartland.

Lovely to read, and glad you're in a better place now.

BBC iplayer has lots of old films, watched Dial M for Murder and Strangers on a Train this week. Am hoping to find some Bette Davies/Joan Crawford classics. I used to love settling down to an old black & white film on a rainy day.

Love decluttering. I have a lot still to do, but have decided to organise myself this year. Hae booked the council to come and get some large items and will be fully utilising my 20 tip visits this ext few months. Loads can be sorted for charity too.

Im aiming to give myself a break this year and to tell my constantly nagging internal monologue to shut TF up! I make myself feel guilty about everything and really do need to be kinder to me. I do, however, also need to stop procrastinating and just do it!

Food and exercise wise, I'm trying to future proof my body, so am concentrating on that aspect, so strength training and feeling good.

Loving this thread, so many things to think about.

@Rebaxis Try Lovejoy and the early Morse episodes, maybe Boys from the Black Stuff, although that is really 70s. Then look at Brideshead Revisited and Jewel in the Crown and to cheer yourself up, early Victoria Wood and French & Saunders...

What sickens me is that I know the left secretly enjoy seeing me upset. Though they pose as morally superior, beneath the surface they are every bit as spiteful and vicious and hate-filled as those on the right. The only difference is the target. Because I’m a middle-class conservative, it’s OK to ruin my life. That doesn’t count. I can be laughed at and called a NIMBY and that’s fine.

I have worked hard, and all I want in return is a bit of space and peace and quiet. I’m not rich or materialistic. I just want to walk my dog through fields and silence. But even that is too much to ask. This spring, the fields where I used to walk my dog will be a disgusting, noisy building site. And even when I do get out in what’s left of the countryside I can hear the screeching and backfiring of noisy cars. If I was young, I’d leave the U.K. It’s so crowded I could scream.

I don’t think you are necessarily right there - I’m a centre left voter but I don’t take any delight in anything like this - there are some strange fixated spiteful weirdos at both ends of the political spectrum .. never forgot when I was explaining to some Faragist on Twitter why leaving the EU was a big problem for our business- their reply ‘so be it, go can go and work at Tesco’ probably because we have an interesting ‘sexy’ business and it seems lots of jealousy involved for some. to be fair though this housing stuff has been an ongoing issue for years and years and sadly the right created the situation initially to a large degree by selling off much needed social housing and a good few years ago hugely relaxing planning law , don’t forget they brought in the rule relaxing planning for various home things, meaning I lived joined next door to someone busy digging out his basement and also extending the rear for 3 years - went on every single weekend for 3 years . Luckily we rented ( really big house too) and thought sod this !

OP, why are you staying?

I love this thread!

Some more from me:

I never ever go to the Post Office, I get them to come to me for returned parcels or parcels to send, via Royal Mail online. They will even bring a label with a barcode. https://send.royalmail.com/

We have several heaters in our freezing house to avoid putting the heating on and they are operated remotely via an app so I put the heater on in my bedroom remotely 2 hours before I go to bed and it's warm when I get up there

We stayed at a hotel with an amazing mattress and so pulled back the bedding to find out the type and bought one for home. It's gorgeous.

I try not to tolerate small things that make life difficult but to solve them. This week I bought 3 packs of make up wipes, 3 new chargers. If something doesn't work I throw it away.

I buy birthday presents and cards well in advance and send them if needed (see above!)

And just like that ....

Even the loveliest of threads get hijacked.

It's a shame about the trees. That was sad enough. Why heap on your hatred and political angst? Telling that so many on this thread have turned away from the news - we are just happier without the pointless anger and posturing.

Back on topic, I regularly search my email for the term "unsubscribe". Then do it and delete. It keeps on top of the mailing list deluge and feels nicely proactive without actually being too much effort.

Thanks for the tip to unsubscribe from marketing emails. Just spent a few minutes doing that and will do another few minutes later. Pretty much all my personal email is junk

I actually cleared around 5000 emails yesterday! Unsubscribed from all I could and am actively unsubscribing as stuff comes in.

Cannot believe I let my inbox get so full! Some businesses had over a hundred emails to me that I deleted.

Feels good to have organised that and am going to double check weekly that I'm not letting it slide.

This thread is great. OP I was also inspired by the idea of the Swedish death clean. I became really worried about suddenly dying and people going through my stuff! We also attacked the loft - we had to get a skip as it was a decade worth of junk. Never again. Being ruthless and decluttering as you go is the way forward!

I stopped caring what anyone outside my front door needed or thought. I was never bothered at all about most people’s opinions but still bent over backwards not to rock the boat with family and friends, going out of my way to keep them happy. No more.

How on earth did you manage to clear 5000 emails in one day? Please can you share you strategy? I have 8000 in my inbox and tried so many times to tackle it but never make much progress. Scared of deleting something I actually need. How have you done that??!!

I do it while watching TV. If loads of the emails are advert stuff, I arrange them by sender and bulk delete.