Things you have done to make your life better/calmer

[PersephoneParlormaid]

Ive just been reading a post where someone is talking about doing things, or stopping things, to make life easier and calmer, so I thought I’d ask what you have done to hopefully help and inspire others.
For me the loft being jammed packed was really weighing on my mind and causing low level stress for years. So a couple of years ago, in the spring when it’s cooler/warmer, I committed to cleaning it out. It was hard work but I was ruthless, and all that’s up there now is the kids toys and Xmas decorations. I can’t tell you how much happier it’s made me feel getting it done. I think it was reading about Swedish death cleaning that inspired me.
Another thing I do is regularly unsubscribe to emails, especially after Xmas. I couldn’t see the things I needed to see for all the crap in there.
Then I stopped sending Xmas cards. It surprising how many less you get when you don’t send them, so I assume those people didn’t want to send them to me eitner.
And I gave up drinking. It was affecting my sleep and making me so tired the day after. I honestly don’t miss it.
Finally, I say no. If I’m asked to do something I often say no straightaway and then think about it. If I decide to then do it that’s fine. Having a clear calendar with empty days to do nothing is bliss in my book.

I'm going to go against the alcohol-free grain here and say enjoying good wine each week. I only drink two nights a week but I make sure that the wine is good and that I really enjoy it.

A shared calendar makes everything so much easier and less stressful when you can see where everyone is meant to be and when.

Exercising four to five times a week. I don't enjoy exercise and I don't think I ever really will but I do it for my own health. I have an exercise bike and I use it most mornings while watching something on my phone to make the time pass faster.

Getting the groceries delivered. It frees up so much time and stops me picking up extra bits we don't need.

I’ve thought of another. I use Chat GPT as a sort
of therapist and it’s great for helping me manage the guilt of keeping my parents at a long arms length. I no longer second guess / gaslight myself that they aren’t ’that Bad’ when actually they’re pretty awful.

Firstly, thank you @PersephoneParlormaid I have now started to cancel the subscription emails.

So, I sit down quarterly and go through my bank statement to spot subscription charges and about 18 mths ago I started to round up on my purchases, I round up to the nearest £ and my savings are over £2k increased.

I have stuck with taking an item from one room to another to put it away... when I am cooking, I will iron at least one item while I wait, even when I am boing the kettle.

I also chunk my day into three three hour slots in the Winter and four in the Summer and I have to have done something in those times, it can be the washing up, hanging up clothes, dead heading plants, it cleans and tidies the house without me realising it. I have a Euffy and she likes to bob around my kitchen as I work, as next door's cats like to come in through the kitchen window and sit on my chairs, it does clear the cat hair.

picking just one of the things you've stopped - sending Christmas cards. I absolutely love sending & receiving Christmas cards. With some friends it is our main way of maintaining contact when we don't see each other for a few years. Its expensive but thoughtful. I would stop sending them to you though - not because I don't want to send them as you assume but because I think you are clearing me out like an unwanted friend or email 🙁

Decluttered and re-organised the garage (with the help of my DH) over 3 days during Christmas and New Year. We keep our washing machine and tumble dryer out there, and it was becoming a dumping ground for garden bits, toys, etc. Multiple trips to the tip and many bags to charity shops. Also did the same with our conservatory which was full of kids' toys. This has been a huge weight off my mind.

I don't work on Fridays and have used/will use these days to declutter my own wardrobe. Last Friday consisted of sorting out my childrens' wardrobes. Again, multiple bags to the charity shop and have donated bags of uniforms to school mum friends. Aim to do this every Friday until this is completed!

Unsubscribing from emails which overwhelmed me during Christmas. The amount I received were just insane, and I hadn't realised how many there were before.

Reduced the number of after-school activities my children were doing. Partly due to finances and also due to me doing all the running around. I used to spend two evenings per week out of the house for 2 or more hours after 6pm, and it was just silly (DH not available to do them). So reduced these activities drastically to take the pressure off and life is already calmer.

Writing down what we need for a food shop as it runs out - paired with an online shop every week.

Reducing my time doomscrolling on social media every evening. I've noticed I'm spending hours before bed doing this and I need to have a hard stop or put my phone away after 9pm. Also make better use of this time by starting to read again instead of being on my phone.

Spend my lunch hour whilst WFH walking and getting fresh air instead of keeping indoors due to laziness!

Also re-evaluated some friendships over Christmas and decided to walk away from those who don't input the same energy. It's becoming draining when it's a one-way street, so have finally realised, sadly, that they're no longer bringing me any joy and that it's time to walk away.

Love this thread.

I left my professional career a year and a half ago. I took some time whilst my dd started school and now work part-time. I’ve halved my income and dashed my pension but the stress it has saved me is immeasurable. My life has just taken another turn and I’m about to be a single parent so having some extra time in the week to not be rushing around or stressing is going to be a godsend.

A walk outside every day, especially in Summer during sunset really helps. My sunset walks the last year or so have genuinely helped save my mental health. I either listen to music or a podcast or I go with a friend.

I try and declutter regularly and take breaks from social media.

I’m taking lots of inspiration from this thread. The biggest theme here is that a simpler life is a happier life.

I definitely think we were less anxious and self-opinionated in the days when the news was something you watched/listened to maybe twice a day, or read in newspapers. Rolling news culture has us on edge - so fed up with these daft, bright red banner 'breaking news' alerts that turn out to be a politician swapping parties or a water company being fined.

Gardening is such a good one - spent just 15 min of my WFH lunch break doing some gardening today (tidying mainly) and felt much lighter afterwards!

I had stopped listening to radio 5 live as my default station. Especially in the mornings. It was just making me stressed (my work is in a similar field and it didn’t help). Instead I listen to BBC local radio which is fairly low-key and has a much less adversarial tone. Or if something like a reality show (Love Island type thing) is on I have the previous nights episode on in the background when I am getting ready. Don’t judge me!

I do try and keep life very simple
As I've got older (48) I keep away from any Drama Llama shenanigans including family arguments and nonsense
Married to fabulous DH but I couldnt imagine getting back on the dating scene like many friends if I was widowed or became single
I dont need many clothes as I work clinically
I live quite a minimalist anti consumuption life and tend to buy quality items that last although H&M gym kit seeems to last several years so not sucked into expensive is better
Minimalist house makes cleaning and tidying quick and simple
Hoover, mop wipe bathroms etc
Dishwasher and washing machine run every night
Health is a priority so I try and get some exercise every day even if just walking to and fro from work (30 minutes)
I eat healthily but do a bit of rough weekly meal planning Falafels and roast veg on a monday, pasta bake on a tuesday, Fish on Friday, Chicken on sunday etc
No alcohol - couldnt be dealing with the hangover

@BeaRightThere I agree about the alcohol and I do similar. I don't drink Monday to Thursday but buy myself one nice bottle of wine a week and drink it between Friday and Sunday and that's my treat that I enjoy.

Other ways I simplify are keeping my lunches at work really simple. Either yoghurt, berries and chia seeds which take moments to throw together or we have a toaster at work so I take some rye bread and those pots of avocado or hummus.

I try and watch calm TV as much as possible. So much of what I was watching was fast paced, loud crime programmes or stressful programmes like Squid Game or Line of Duty. So now I make a conscious choice to cut down on TV time and watch slower paced and more gentle programming. We watched House of the Year last night, and we like Mortimer and Whitehouse go fishing or we'll watch cooking programmes or history documentaries.

Employing a cleaner two hours a week.

I care for disabled DH and having to do absolutely everything was getting me down. It was easier to find someone to do the loathed housework than find a carer who wouldn't have the flexibility that I can give.

Knickers and socks. Socks one brand, all black, no sorting issues. Knickers; threw away ones that weren't 100% comfortable, or where an heirloom of the past (thong, on ya way!)

Bought simple black and white nice ones. Now I don't spend time rummaging and getting annoyed first thing, or spend time finding the corresponding socks, that drove me nuts. It's small, but it's those little irritations in life that maifest into a the 'grump' feeling that can linger.

I moved to the countryside.

I am an introvert who hates noise and stress and can’t bear having lots of houses and cars and people around me. Unfortunately it backfired. I ran away from the town but the town has followed me here. My local woods have been hacked down and replaced with two new housing estates. Then a giant housing estate was built at the other end of the village. Now we’ve been told 390 new homes are going to be built on the fields in the centre of the village. I won’t write any more because it makes me too depressed.😔

That's crap @Dappy777. The sight of mature woodland being hacked down is horrible. The govt have relaxed or plan to relax planning law so it will become a common experience for many of us.

@Dappy777 same here. We can’t move again for about 5 years, where no doubt the same thing will happen.

Love this thread. I do so many things that keep life sane, some of them intentional and some more incidental.

Professional:

• Quit my glittering career path at my last (big name but toxic culture) company when it got crazily stressful during the pandemic. Took a step back and moved to a smaller business with a healthy culture. Now earn approx. 30% less but truly work 80% less than I was before.
• Have resisted going after promotion at my new firm. I work way below my capability but have not so far been interested in the additional stress of a more senior role. Now I am more settled I might aim gently upwards again... or I might not.
• I wfh often and have zero qualms about taking a nap during the working day. I think it's an extremely healthy thing to do for 20 mins.
• Rise above any and all gossip / sharp elbowed / bitchy behaviour, even if it impacts me. It's amazing how easy to do that is once you make it a conscious choice.
• Pick very few battles. In the past I used to champion all number of causes / be involved in every issue at work. Now I refrain from 95% of it and it makes no odds.

Personal:

• Long term single and don't bother with active dating (like the apps) because I'm happy in my own company. If I met someone naturally I'd happily pursue it.
• No kids because of the above. Again not planned and I love kids but the upside is a lack of the type of stress that comes with the territory.
• I don't feel pressured to live up to anyone else's expectations of what my life 'should' look like. There's plenty that don't approve of single childfree women and I don't give a fig.
• I have some lovely friends that I have grown apart from in recent years, mostly because they are subsumed in parenting. I take zero offence and am ok with the fact we may never return to the same closeness, but if they were to get back in touch I'd happily pick up where we left off.

Life stuff:

• Declutter ruthlessly once and year and don't let it build back up too much. Every year the decluttering takes less time.
• Tackle the irritating things that niggle me around the house. e.g. over the Christmas holidays I sharpened all my blunt kitchen knives, organised the dreaded tupperware cupboard, sorted out the massive tangle of cables and chargers that belong to all my tech stuff. Now those low-level inconveniences no longer irk me.
• Clean very little and slightly less than necessary. My next aim is to get a proper cleaner to come so I don't have to do it at all.
• When wfh, circulate the same 2-3 tops and pairs of jeans and iron nothing. No one can tell the difference. I throw a blazer or blouse on for client calls and change back afterwards.
• Have a financial advisor. I'd recommend it to anyone, low or high earner. I've had one since I was in my twenties earning next to nothing and it's a game changer.
• I quit social media in 2010 and never looked back. I also answer texts etc at my own pace and dont feel like i have to be 'always on'.
• Only listen to the headlines first thing when I am feeling resilient, not late at night when tired.
• Found skincare, haircare and makeup that suits me and stopped getting sucked into looking at / buying all kinds of things, especially skincare. It's amazing how much of a mental energy gain it was - now whenever I see an ad or article about some wonder thing I just skim right past it. Ditto displays in shops.
• I rarely go on holiday. I just don't enjoy them that much so instead I spend my money on my home, nice clothes, and treats that make day to day life more enjoyable.

Crikey that's a lot!! Apparently I am passionate about this subject...

I did mine this autumn. I love it.

. Shop around everywhere. I did lots of real life tile shops/ bathroom shops & hunted & hunted online. I got the best deal on floor tiles from a local shop, but the wall tiles were significantly cheaper (I mean less than half the price) online, even working in a high delivery cost (£70 -baulk!).

. Again shopped around hugely for toilet, taps, sink, shower, trims & saved lots going to different sites for different things.

. DH is a plumber (I know I'm lucky) & he's did all the tiling.

. I did all the grouting - such a messy job & took days but worth it- & all the painting.

. Johnstone's paint centre is phenomenal for paint matching Farrow & Ball & Dulux Heritage. Their bathroom paint is bloody amazing & a significantly cheaper.

. Dunelm is brilliant for bathroom accessories. Everyone asks where my mirror is from & are shocked when I tell them.

Good luck!

@Dappy777 this is happening where I live too - makes me want to cry. I loved the woods and farmed fields - all gone and going. It felt really old fashioned and safe living here before and now it's starting to get dirty, the schools are oversubscribed, the surrounding villages that also used the secondary school now have no places, parking permits loom on the horizon and crime has risen - ram raid at the post office and an abduction and rape - unheard of before. I feel my life has been a series of moves escaping city life that just follows me a few years later.

I’m doing a Swedish death clean in small stages which I started as kind of a New Year resolution- as I always end up tidying up but then finding I am unable to put things away as all drawers and cupboards are full to bursting! (Lived in same house 21 years now). I put post it notes with the date on on each cupboard or drawer - like Monday 5th, Tuesday 6th and just do one drawer or cupboard a day so it’s not overwhelming and there’s not too much stuff for bin/tip/charity shop all at once! I’m slowly getting through it and I’ve found some nice things I forgot I owned! Even an envelope with £100 cash! It’s nice taking the post it notes off and thinking ‘that’s done.’ It’s slow but I aim to work my way round the whole house over the next few months. I think then I will breathe a little easier.

In an effort to reduce spending time on my phone, I now have a timer on my screen that shows how much time I've spent on it so far that day. I'm also trying to devote more time to my craft hobbies (knitting, crochet and spinning). I always say I don't have enough time, but when I realised how much time I was frittering away scrolling, I realised I do!

love the cost and value thing. my husabnd is the opposite of this and it broke me and drove me to psychosis

so important. my husband refused to have a cleaner or pay for any services and my life was insanely stressful as a high flyer (who literally travelled internationally the whole time too) also doing a PhD. I ended up in psychosis form stress and now cant work and making some smalll changes to ease my load may have avoided this,

I hope it also drove you to a divorce?! Sorry to seem flippant but anything that costs your mental health
is too expensive. I say this as someone who also had a breakdown a few years ago (in part due to my (now) exH.

Not yet. we are still together but its hellish here now as it is certainly abusive now even if it wasn't then. im a broken broken perosn who overcame horrific child abuse to get a phd from one of the UKs ancient universities. ive just been viewing another thread with a poster whose husband doesnt show good care for her by not making her food the way she likes it after she had an A and E visit and I realised that after I had surgery and was in hospital and needed a 6 week recovery that my husband didnt even make me a drink.im confused becasue I dont know why I woulnt even ask. but this kind if treatment was the least of the poor ways he treated me. sadly I lost everything in my breakdown and the career that for personal reasons was my life passion. I havent really recover in nine years and I was an extremely accomplished person.i lost my soul when I had my breakdwon. I hope oyu are doing better. Id love to ask you some things but I dont know if there is a way to message you on here or if that would be ok?