Jealousy over diagnosis - thinking of staying off social media

[Silverwhining]

I shared a personal experience about a serious health issue and misdiagnoses on a Facebook group from where I used to live. Many people had wondered why I disappeared for 10 years, and the condition was part of the reason I moved away quietly. Most responses were kind, but one long comment accused me of lying and seeking attention. Some people didn’t even think it was actually me, though others verified it by asking questions only I could answer. The comment was entirely driven by jealousy and ultimately led to my post being removed and me being banned from posting.

To be fair, years ago some people pretended to be me online as a joke, but this was very different. Some people who know me say the Internet is savage and they would not say things like that face to face. This has really affected me and I feel it might be better for my mental health to avoid social media completely.

So ten years ago you left the area without telling anyone, cut off all contact and now you are popping up on their local FB page telling them about a diagnosis?

Why? Did something happen ten years ago that meant you felt you had to leave and cut all ties, but now you have a diagnosis you want to go back and explain? Perhaps this was to help with your own issues about what happened and the fact that you (in your head) "vanished".

If so, then I think this is understandable from your point of view, but with the greatest respect, other people had probably forgotten about you within two weeks of you moving away, and I am not sure if you were really so "uncontactable" or if people just didn't keep in touch. I am not trying to be mean, but in practice other people tend to care a lot less than many of us would like to think.

If someone was rude in their response I am sorry but this person really doesn't know you, or perhaps they did ten years ago but they certainly don't know you now and you don't know them now. You cannot take this personally, and if you cannot avoid doing so then you should not be posting personal information online.

Who was it that encouraged you to go onto a FB page for an area that you’ve not lived in for 10 years and share misdiagnosis, then eventual diagnosis of this condition?

It’s menial advice you’ve been given.

The internet doesn’t care about your diagnosis, previous or current issues or how you feel. If I saw a post like that on my area’s FB page, I’d think you had lost your mind.

This is not a puzzle or a game for anyone to “figure out” the details or fill in blanks that I deliberately left out. Some of the speculation I’ve seen is invasive, misleading, and goes beyond what I actually shared. I posted to process my experience, and I didn’t disappear for years so that people would think it was a “big moment”. That is such an atrocious accusation. This isn’t an opportunity for anyone to make up stories about me and my intentions and if you’re engaging in it then it says more about you and it does about me. I’m not responding to any more comments on this post but I thank everyone for their thoughtful responses and I’m taking on board the advice to choose somewhere more appropriate in the future to talk about my experiences

It is unfortunate that you experienced unkindness and unfairness on social media.
Social media has a reputation for being cruel and bullying.
You found that out the hard way.
You have suffered quite a number of years; that's sad.

Put it down to experience.
You are wiser now.
You learnt not to trust social media.
You learnt that you can never be sure who is posting on the other side of the screen - and what their intentions are.

In future share your inner most conflicts with your close family and friends, or with specialist group chats set up as support networks for people with similar problems and ailments.

I, personally, avoid social media and I know that online is not the real world.

Post on platforms like Mumsnet only for enjoyment and light hearted communication. Follow the rules and report or leave if it becomes confronting.

Hello, I’m sorry you had such an unpleasant experience when you were only seeking some understanding and connection. I agree, I think you chose the wrong place to post and obviously caused an unexpected reaction. Social media can be horrible at times (including here).

perhaps focus on your real friendships and if you do go on social media do so to build friendships around shared interests or hobbies. I am sure you will have a better experience

Someone struggling to bring up ND kids with no support is unlikely to be especially receptive to a random adult going on about their own special flavour of neurodiversity and the allowances people are now retrospectively being invited to make for them.

They're going to be worried and exhausted and with zero fucking tolerance of other people's self-indulgent bullshit. Try to extend them some grace, although/because they don't have any left for you.

The thing about SM you forgot? Nobody gives a shit.
HTH.

Not judging. Were you trying to explain to people why you behaved the way you did in the past? Your diagnosis gave an explanation and validated why you were feeling so bad. Most people responded in a positive way whilst one angry person with venom tried to knock you down?

There are appropriate groups for sharing 'your story' - I suspect the FB group in question and probably here, are not it. Your story is important to you and potentially to those you are close to but it isn't generally of any importance to anyone else, so seeking validation or approval or forgiveness perhaps from the wrong group is absolutely going to backfire.

Social media is the root of all evil. Best to delete all your sm apps. You will find life is so less stressful.

The chances of that are slim. It sounds like someone is guessing and making it up to me. OP sounds quite vulnerable so it’s a really horrible thing to do.

Another person who thinks this is very demented behaviour. The local Facebook group does not care about you, your life and troubles nor your medical history. If there a specific group of friends you wanted to contact a private message or letter might have been a better choice.

suddenly trying to get empathy from people you’ve had no contact with in a decade is attention seeking behaviour. By very definition. You want their attention and in fact their understanding because you have now received a new validation. You have something to prove to them.

The whole thing was very weird OP, sorry. I understand why people questioned your motives.

Tbf Facebook is where all the crazies hang out

I dragged my feet joining my hometown’s Facebook page.
It was years before I finally joined in.
When I finally did, the girl who bullied me in school for an entire year (when I was 14 & she was 17) was first in line welcoming me and falling all over herself saying how wonderful it was to see me again after all those years.

People are just flat out weird.
Especially on Facebook.

What was the diagnosis

Op I feel bad for you but nobody is going to be jealous of a diagnosis of ill health and lots of other people you may know in passing will have laughed / eye rolled / scrolled on / thought you were crazy. Facebook is really not the place for deeply personal, emotional reckonings. Delete the group and move on.

I got grief and snarky comments on my local FB page when asking about bus times... they are weird places, not somewhere to open up and make oneself vulnerable.
Turn that page. Close that book. Move on.

Oooooooh the plot thickens. I love this follow up!

Someone 'pretended' to be you on social media for a joke.

You then isolated yourself so that no one could contact you for ten years.

Then you suddenly out of the blue post very personal details about yourself on the local facebook page for a town you no longer live in.

Can't you see how people might think that was odd?

Were you in jail?

The whole situation sounds most strange, and your subsequent posts have only compounded this.

I agree with staying off social media. It's not for everyone.

This is what I thought too. First thought was jail.

I "went missing" over 10 years ago and I wouldn't randomly post on a Facebook group announcing myself and what happened thats a very strange thing to decide to do.

I can't really make head nor tail of this 🤔 sounds like you posted something on an FB group where you lived a decade ago boasting about a diagnosis??

Girl I think ive been through your exact experience

The people who didnt love you then aren't going to suddenly start loving you now. They won't care about what you were going through when they mistreated you, they will not apologise and they will not feel remorse.

Delete your account and make a new private one. Remain uncontsctable by them. Not for them but for your own benefit.

I dunno, maybe its something about the new year but the past three days ive been struggling to sleep, thinking about the past.

Some people are just not loved by the village they were born into.

Your post has helped me stop spiralling tbh. If I bumped into someone from the past, they would be interested in my story just for the gossip, not because they care for me, and I needed to remember that.

So do you. They're in your past for a reason. Had they had the means to contact you, they would've done so only to remain updated on the goss, no other reason.

Focus on the future and don't look back again

Good luck xxx

Hope you’re okay @Silverwhining

I think it would probably be best if you deleted the post and left that particular group, if you haven’t already done so.

The majority of people in your local area group simply won’t care. Sad, but true. You don’t need to justify to anyone why you left the area and were uncontactable. Only friends and family should be privy to that information.

Are there any support groups specifically for your diagnosis that you can join? You’ll get much more support and likeminded people who you can converse with.

for example, I’m a member of Endometriosis support groups on Facebook, they’re great. However I would never post about my Endo and medical experiences on my local towns Facebook group.

As for the woman who you think could be ‘jealous’, just don’t giver her any headspace. She’s probably frustrated with the lack of help for her child.