Jealousy over diagnosis - thinking of staying off social media

[Silverwhining]

I shared a personal experience about a serious health issue and misdiagnoses on a Facebook group from where I used to live. Many people had wondered why I disappeared for 10 years, and the condition was part of the reason I moved away quietly. Most responses were kind, but one long comment accused me of lying and seeking attention. Some people didn’t even think it was actually me, though others verified it by asking questions only I could answer. The comment was entirely driven by jealousy and ultimately led to my post being removed and me being banned from posting.

To be fair, years ago some people pretended to be me online as a joke, but this was very different. Some people who know me say the Internet is savage and they would not say things like that face to face. This has really affected me and I feel it might be better for my mental health to avoid social media completely.

This whole story sounds strange to me.

However, if you're not prepared for all sorts of responses then yes, it's best to stay off public social media. And I wouldn't post about anything sensitive if the wrong response will cause serious distress.

Just to try and understand a bit better -
Why did people pretend to be you as a joke?
Why did you feel people needed to know about you after ten years?
What were you hoping to achieve from your post after ten years?

Is the condition autism or adhd by any chance? A woman (who I don’t know because I’m not from here originally) posted on the local Facebook page to tell everyone the reason she had recently been diagnosed as audhd and was letting everyone know that this was the reason for some of her behaviour over a decade ago, it sounds like she did something that caused a stir at the time and embarrassment for her family, she didn’t actually say what happened to make her leave but that’s the vibe I got. One woman had said her children are suspected of being ND and said said the woman was using it as an excuse for behaviour before she left and that it sounds like she hasn’t changed much and still expects to be the centre of attention. I didn’t get the impression the woman confronting her was jealous to be honest, just more that she knew whatever it was the op had done in the past had nothing to do with ND. Then the post was deleted before I finished reading the comments.

I was isolated for all those years, which was my choice. I only really started socialising again within the last two years. I only have a few close friends that I speak to sometimes. I’ve been going through a lot and it might be hard to imagine but I don’t really have many people to speak to about it and they encouraged me to reach out and tell my story and I didn’t find the Samaritans helpful. I can see now that it wasn’t really appropriate to post there and I can understand that it was out of place, but I don’t appreciate the personal attacks and I feel like people need to work on a kinder way of speaking to people

All sounds very attention seeking to be honest.

You posted to random strangers & people you barely know from a decade ago in order to get a reaction. You didn't get the gushing sympathy you craved or felt you deserved & looking for people to blame.

This provides more context now.

It was 10 years ago OP - whatever you did, most people would have forgotten about it before your post. Sometimes it’s best to just let sleeping dogs lie.

I don’t really understand what has happened, but in general, good advice is to not share personal information online. Keep it to yourself or speak with those close to you in real life.

What was it your friends thought would be beneficial about sharing your story? I would imagine talking to a counsellor to process it all would be better.

Why would people pretend to be you?

That's not normal and I feel like there's some story missing.

I understand your story a bit more now after updates.
Is your diagnosis AuDHd? If so, maybe you have misunderstood how it could seem a little unusual to some people to do what you did.

If you are feeling lonely and misunderstood reach out to support groups

https://www.audhduk.org

This is all very strange, none of it makes sense.

I think you are misunderstanding the internet, OP. In the nicest possible way, it's not a listening service like the Samaritans. And it certainly isn't an alternative to therapy or a way of finding friends if you don't have people to talk to. And Mn isn't either of those things either.

@ProbablyFineTBH sounds like you may have read ops facebook post!

Have you been stuck in a rumination loop?
Autistic rumination is basically when your brain gets stuck on repeat. You might keep going over the same situation, mistake, or worry in your head, even when you really want to stop. It can feel exhausting and stressful, and instead of helping you figure things out, it often just makes you feel worse.
This happens because autistic brains can latch onto thoughts and have a hard time letting them go or switching focus.
So because you were still thinking about the event you thought others might be too.
I don’t think it sounds like the mum was being particularly rude to you maybe just venting about not having her child’s diagnosis yet?

Anyway -you can do this and move on.
Even though it can feel overwhelming, there are ways to make it easier, like distracting yourself with something comforting, talking it out with someone you trust, practicing mindfulness, or sticking to routines that help your brain feel more settled. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy that you could meet like minded people at?

I think that the mistake you made was in choosing your audience. It’s all very well telling your story, but complete strangers and people who used to know you ten years ago probably aren’t going to give you the reaction you’re looking for. They’re unlikely to react with universal kindness either, so if you’re feeling a bit fragile, you’ve really made a bad choice.

Are there any FB groups specifically concentrating on your diagnosis? If you join one of them, then I’m pretty sure that everyone will be interested in your experience, will ask you questions and listen to you vent because they’ll understand from their own experiences with the same thing. You telling strangers and people you used to know is more likely to elicit responses along the lines of ‘So what?’ and ‘what’s she telling us for?’

so why then after all this time did you expect people to be wanting to talk ?

@Silverwhining you would have been better discussing in a specialist support groups, eg like certain groups where people go hi all my name is x and my story is x etc

OP can you clearly state what the purpose of your post was?

You've mentioned misdiagnoses - were you trying to bring attention to these/discuss the local health service?
You've also mentioned "things" 10 years ago - were you trying to discuss what happened back then and telling these people you have a different diagnosis now? We really need more context on people pretending to be you?

Were you treating the facebook page like a diary page and just venting because someone convinced you that was sensible?

Sounds more like you wanted to go back and justify your past behaviour in a “see, it wasn’t my fault after all” triumphant kind of way and it backfired on you when you didn’t get the “oh poor you” response you were hoping for.

YANBU to stay off social media in future.

I don’t really see a problem with trying to get empathy from someone about a painful experience - That’s a human need.
I was actually encouraged to post about my story - I do see now that the place I posted about it wasn’t appropriate. I feel like everyone is focusing on the wrong thing.

What are you talking about?

So you did a “ta da, look at me I've been gone for a decade” thing for what reason exactly? I’m a bit baffled by this whole thing and what the plan was.

Sorry OP but it’s only the weirdos that post very intimate and personal things on a Facebook neighbourhood page. Even more so if you’ve not lived there for 10 years!

i once posted a very personal post publically about mental health and received wonderful positive uplift , but I was posting to my own Facebook page of friends and family

you seem to have done something similar but got someone who was have a bad time

I would contact them privately and offer your condolences / support and apologise for “ upsetting” her and leave it at that

these people are not your friends and don’t care about you and unfortunately they have not bothered to contact you for 10 years so move on from this as a lesson learnt . Emotional oversharing is cringy and there are time and a place for it

This was my thought. The post is almost exactly the same as the information the OP has given us so it would be an enormous coincidence if someone else had posted the same thing.
OP, you have made a mistake posting such personal information on social media, especially ten years after the incidents occurred. Most people will have forgotten about them and you in the intervening years but, in making this post, you have reminded everyone and not put yourself in the best light. Real friends accept you as you are and an appropriate diagnosis can certainly help others understand where you are coming from but this information is for you, your family and friends and not the wider world. It is a good thing that your post was removed as it gives people time to calm down, including you. I have long held a theory that one's illnesses and conditions are more interesting to oneself than anyone else. Of course, family and friends are sympathetic and supportive but they have their own concerns, too. As for strangers on Facebook, I am sorry to say that they are really not interested other than expressing the mildest of sympathies.