I think my mother is near end of life. I don’t know what to do.

[Person93369]

(Posting for traffic) Just this really. She’s at home. Has a rattle in her throat. Is bed bound. Incontinent. Totally immobile. Has a weakened swallow and today is not swallowing thickened fluids at all. I feel the decline since Xmas day is significant. Do I ring doc? They just don’t seem to want to know. Has anyone any experience they can share?

If I was you, I’d ring 111 as they can either send out a GP (or more likely) the district nurses who are great at supporting in these situations. Sending courage and virtual flowers 💐

Sorry to hear, and sounds like you are correct

Call your GP, who is likely to visit & can prescribe any pain relief etc needed

It will be MUCH better if the GP is notified before as otherwise there may need to be a post mortem

(source: both parents in law passing away in last 2 years. 1 expected & one not)

I’m so sorry, it’s very hard. Is anyone else with you? Is this expected?

Your GP is usually the one to ring but you can also ring 111? Sometimes it’s easier to talk to them.

Ring the district nurses to come out & check on her, my mother in law was the same and the GP managed to get her into a hospice within 24 hours x

Definitely ring 111, they should organise GP or neighbourhood/district nurse to come round.

Ring out of hours and get support.

im sorry.

I would ring 111 or your GP and leave a message.

Have you got anyone with you? Please get a friend or relative to support you.

I’d call the doctor. They would be able to prescribe end of life meds to manage any symptoms (pain, agitation, nausea) that may or may not arise over the next hours/ days and keep her comfortable if needed. Do you have mouth swabs? They/ district nurses can help with that sort of thing too

You will need a GP sooner rather than later, if you want to avoid a post mortem. But get the on call nurse(s) out first, and they can advise you.

People lose the ability to swallow in the days before death. Get someone out to see her. What age is she?

You poor thing. Not nice to experience this alone. Has there been a lead to this and GP/nursing/social services involvement?
I think that you should call 111 tonight. The reason I say this is you urgently need a) diagnosis and then practical support/prescription/pain relief/secretion control medications/nuraing aids for your MIL.
b) practical support from palliative care for you and MIL
Have a look at this guidance on End of Life Care from the NHS. I don’t think it’s very good tbh, but at least you can quote it when you phone 111.
https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/end-of-life-care/
If that doesn’t work I’d call an ambulance. Had to do that for my mother to get
any help for her and relieve her suffering.

Sorry typo - nursing aids

She’s 76 but has had dementia for about 4 years.

How do you feel about suggestions that have been made? Sorry, I said MIL and it’s your mum.

I went through this recently with my dad. Same scenario, except he also had a couple of broken bones from a fall.
I called the GP out. We agreed that dad was at the end of life and to withdraw meds.
Dad knew what was happening, we talked about his death and he was totally at peace with it all.
It was still horrible. Heartbreaking. But best for him.
Definitely involve the GP, they can be a great support.

Thinking of you x

Agree, a post mortem had to be held after my mother's death as the GP had been contacted not spoken to her for a long time.

Sorry to read of what you are going through.

I am grateful for all suggestions. I imagine the doctor will be closed tomorrow so I’ll ring on Friday. I’m just irritated the doc isn’t interested. I rang to tell them about the rattling breathing and they just sent antibiotics. They said if they didn’t work they would look again at a visit

Please don’t leave it until Friday. This is what the out of hours services are for. Who is washing, changing and repositioning her? Any pain relief?
Ring 111. Nurse.

We have 4 carer visits per day.

Your mum may very well be in the last few hours or days of here.
You need support for this to as comfortable as it can be for both of you.
Please call 111 now.

I'm so sorry - have been there. Agree with others that you need to ring 111 out of hours. She needs a district nurse to visit, and who should be able to help give advice on pain relief and keeping her comfortable.

I would. They can give medication that will make her more comfortable.

Have you already got the District Nurses number? And/or injectable medications in the house?

If you already know the District Nurses, that is who you need.

If you don't know them then call 111 now and be clear that DM is at end of life, symptomatic and wants to be at home. Even on a bank holiday there will be an emergency pharmacy out there for the meds she needs and the District Nurses to help her.

I think you should call 111 as it now sounds urgent and not that you should wait. You can tell 111 what changes there have been lin your mum’s health eg breathing, rattling sounds, level of consciousness since you contacted the GP. They really won’t be able to look at how quickly things have deteriorated, which is why you are understandably concerned. They also would expect you to contact 111 when they’re closed - not to wait.

I feel for you having to go through this. Please call 111/out of hours doctors/someone as you need to make sure you Mum is comfortable & pain free. Do you have POA for her health & welfare?