Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I think my mother is near end of life. I don’t know what to do.

77 replies

Person93369 · 31/12/2025 19:28

(Posting for traffic) Just this really. She’s at home. Has a rattle in her throat. Is bed bound. Incontinent. Totally immobile. Has a weakened swallow and today is not swallowing thickened fluids at all. I feel the decline since Xmas day is significant. Do I ring doc? They just don’t seem to want to know. Has anyone any experience they can share?

OP posts:
Jklow1254 · 31/12/2025 20:16

Please don’t wait, call 111. They should have a palliative care option, I would go for that and explain what is happening. If the district nurses aren’t already involved then this should get that started. And then you can reach out to them as needed

ThisHazelPombear · 31/12/2025 20:26

You can’t leave it till Friday you need the anticipatory drugs and normal chemists won’t always have them the surgery dispensary will though or there will be one chemist in the area that sticks them.

Dying can be very distressing and painful. It’s not like what you see on tv at all. I’ve rung 111 and had drs out at all hours there will be a car working tonight with a driver and a dr.

mumofsevenfluffs · 31/12/2025 20:26

Not trying to be dramatic but when my mums breathing changed they said 2-3 days. She passed away less than 24 hours later.

im so sorry you are going through this so please do call 111

user665178392470 · 31/12/2025 20:38

It does sound like she’s very poorly OP. Do you feel she’s in pain? That’s the pertinent question, If so I'd be trying to get end of life drugs arranged, i think probably a Dr needs to prescribe but a district nurse can administer. But if you don’t think she’s in pain, it’s probably just a matter of time/wait and see.
Personally I’d try to avoid a hospital admission if possible, not generally a calm or peaceful place, particularly if you have to start in A and E. But a hospice may be a good option. Not sure how you get referred to one though. Although you may feel your mum would be okay with hospital?
What do the carers say? They must see this situation regularly.
Wishing you strength.

WilfredsPies · 31/12/2025 20:40

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Are you on your own? How’re you holding up?

skybluestars · 31/12/2025 20:40

Does your mum have an anticipatory care plan regarding admission or escalation of treatment? Does she have just in case meds etc?

The rattly breathing on a background of dysphagia is likely poor swallowing / aspiration of secretions (this is my job) and a sign she is brewing an aspiration pneumonia (which could make her drowsy and more unresponsive) or a sign her condition has generally worsened.

I’m sure you are already but don’t push oral intake unless it is requested. Is your mum awake and engaged or is she mostly sleepy? Is she indicating she wants food or drinks?

Regardless of any plans, you shouldn’t have to do this on your own. Please call 111 for some support or out of hours GP etc.

caringcarer · 31/12/2025 20:42

Ring 111 to get support. Don't go through this alone. Your Mum might decline very rapidly if she doesn't take on enough fluids and can't swallow. She might need pain relief.

thrive25 · 31/12/2025 20:43

mumofsevenfluffs · 31/12/2025 20:26

Not trying to be dramatic but when my mums breathing changed they said 2-3 days. She passed away less than 24 hours later.

im so sorry you are going through this so please do call 111

^ having been through this just a few weeks ago, I would agree (especially the not swallowing)

as other posters have said, getting the medications which may be needed on hand should be a priority

Iamacatslave · 31/12/2025 20:44

I’m sorry you are going through this. Please don’t wait until Friday and call 111 this evening. Medications can be given to help with the secretions ( noisy breathing,) you really do need to seek medical help.

Frazzledandfried · 31/12/2025 20:45

Call 111 and make it clear you believe your mum is nearing the end of her life. Does she have a TEP/DNR form? Im sorry that youre going through this. District Nurses are wonderful at end of life care but can only administer just in case medications if they have already been prescribed and you have them at home. Sending you a handheld and hoping your DM is comfortable 💐

PrincessofWells · 31/12/2025 20:49

Hold her hand op. Make sure she's comfortable. It's very much a part of life so nothing to be scared about, but if it's your first time it can be difficult. Is there another relative who can be there for you?

Lalgarh · 31/12/2025 20:54

Definitely ring 111.

Have the carers mentioned anything in the care logs or to you

Do88byisfree · 31/12/2025 21:05

Person93369 · 31/12/2025 20:02

We have 4 carer visits per day.

My MiLs carers were great at accessing additional support in similar circumstances. They told DH who to ring and what to say. I'm sorry I can't remember the details but hope you and your DM get the support you need.

Contrarymary30 · 31/12/2025 21:10

Person93369 · 31/12/2025 20:02

We have 4 carer visits per day.

I've been through th I s . Please ring 111 , she will need meds to make her comfortable. The carers can't really do much in this scenario. X

HMW19061 · 31/12/2025 21:14

Phone 111 for an out of hours visit…. But consider what you want/she would want to happen next. They may push for her to be taken to ED, if you think she would want to be kept comfortable at home rather than in hospital then push for that. I work in a ED, we see it a lot where people are obviously dying but OOH/GPs send them to ED instead of managing end of life care at home.

Hockorydickerydock · 31/12/2025 21:22

Ring 111 get advise asap

Dymaxion · 31/12/2025 21:28

If you ring 111, the Doctors will be able to prescribe medications that are given by nurses to help with any symptoms your Mum might experience, so that she is comfortable. Those nurses work 24 hrs a day, so you will always be able to ring someone for help if you are worried or concerned. You sound worried so ring them now to get the help your Mum needs Flowers

Lalgarh · 31/12/2025 21:29

Wishing you and your Mum all the best @Person93369

MaggieFS · 31/12/2025 21:34

Sorry you are facing this. Who arranged the carer visits? Has she been seen by an occupational therapist to help with aids for washing etc. at home? Keep pushing with the GP as they tend to be the key to unlock palliative care support from hospices, Marie Curie and similar organisations. Tbh, if your GP is shit, I agree with pp to call the out of hours GP via 111.

helpfulperson · 31/12/2025 21:56

I agree with others who have said phone 111. They should be able to connect you to the right support. This may be an out of hours doctor or nursing service so be prepared that they may not have access to know what has happened over the last few weeks so you may have to repeat the current position a lot but they will be able to help. If you don't get the support you need don't hesitate to phone back. If you feel you are getting nowhere with 111 then phone 999. You shouldn't haven't to but if you need to then that is is OK.

It is really hard to go through this and nothing you do is wrong.

Kittkats · 31/12/2025 22:02

Also, on a less practical note- can you play favourite music, spray favourite fragrance, put on a projector, light candles? Anything that may provide comfort (to you or her).

DustyMaiden · 31/12/2025 22:14

You can phone your local hospice

DeadMansBones · 31/12/2025 22:31

GP needs to prescribe the anticipatory medications and then the district nurses can administer them as and when needed. It's best to get these in place ASAP as she could become agitated or struggle with the secretions more.

Lalgarh · 31/12/2025 22:58

Have you got any other relatives or support around you and your Mum @Person93369 .

pixiesaresmall · 31/12/2025 23:55

How are you getting on op? Thinking of you x