Things that sound nice but actually aren't

[WeeAgnes]

I'm putting forward Fruit teas.
Some of the combinations sound so promising and positively delicious.

In reality, they taste what I imagine drinking pot pourri to be like.

• Four poster beds
• Spray tan - what a palavah
• Showers - Always part of you is cold. Why would I want to stand to get clean?
• Fillet steak - one of the most disappointing culinary experiences of my life. Butter soft - sure, like eating someone’s arm - soft arm? No!
• Foie gras - tastes like cat food - and poor goose.
• Stately home weddings - only not cringe if you own it.

Mine is crumpets. They’re not bad per se but I never had them growing up and they always looked so light and fluffy and soft that the reality of them was bitterly disappointing compared to the idea I’d built up of them

well I'm on the rosé as, apparently, it has the fewest calories!

Omg I love macarons!! 😮

Shoulder rubs

My dad once described fruit tea as “boiled belly button fluff” and I’ve described it as such since 😂

Breakfast in bed. Gross.

Spa days. Extortionate money to paddle about in someone else's dressing gown and a hot tub full of bacteria.

Most afternoon teas, again silly money for a few finger sandwiches, a mass-produced scone and a couple of cakes. I have had some fabulous ones (Mama Doreens Emporium in Harrogate, Jamesons Tea Rooms in Sheffield) but a lot are pure rip off.

Cocaine. Sounds exciting and something rock stars do. In reality, your nose hurts, you turn into a massive dickhead for several hours, then the next day you’re dripping snot like a broken tap, feeling like you’re going to die and have no money left.

(apparently)

Sex in the bath , squeaky and weirdly dry given the surroundings, also tidal waves and The Noise !

Glastonbury festival.

Rhubarb crumble surely

😂

Picnics.
As a teen and younger woman romantacised the picnic date.
Me in a floaty dress, him in a shirt, sleeves rolled over muscular forearms (drool), possibly in a rowing boat. Dainty snacks, wine, champagne, gin, stolen kisses in shady bowers...
Reality = wasps, flies, ants, hair blowing in your mouth, weather too fucking changeable. A floaty dress on Ilkley moor in a summer hailstorm, treading in a cowpat in delicate sandals. Trying to look sexy whilst cleaning cowshit off your feet before driving home. Wasps. More ants.
Wuther off.

You bathe luxuriously in piping hot water smelling of essential oils and get yourself thoroughly, squeakily clean. 2 minutes under a hose pipe does not do the job.

Have you tried filling it with water first?

Edinburgh's Hogmany - atrocious. Queuing for the queue to join the queue. It's rammed, everything costs thrice, terrible bands, no taxis, police, security and barriers everywhere, shuffling through bottlenecks, grime and litter.
Not to mention the weather.

I say all this as a local. Come to Edinburgh by all means, it's fantastic. Not so much Hogmany.

in all honesty I think most “afternoon tea” is pretty grim. I hate sandwiches in general but even the cakes and macarons are often dried up and mediocre.

A spa day.

Couldn’t agree more about spa days they are so over rated and it’s even worse when they are crowded full of other people walking around in dressing gowns. The treatments are also mostly a rip off such as facials. Paying 50 quid for someone to rub a few creams into your face for an hour

😂😂😂😂

Chips from the chip shop

Turkish Delight. The adverts when I was a child in the 80’s made it look amazing. I cried when I tasted it. What a let down!

I agree with fruit teas, it’s just smelly hot water.

I'd always hated Panettone, but our neighbour gave us a chocolate one last Christmas. I think it might have been Aldi.

The cake was super moist with gooey melted chocolate blobs all the way through it.

Amazing.