Christmas - why don’t I get the magic of it?

[ZeroMagic]

Have been meaning to write this post for years.

I just don’t get Christmas at all. Can somebody please explain the point of it? I’m not religious - haven’t got kids. Why would I put a tree up in my house? It’s nuts 🤷🏼‍♀️.

There’s just DH & me. We don’t live near family, but we get on very well with them & they come to stay with us throughout the year. I love having them here but I don’t feel the need to be with them on this particular day. Why would I?

Growing up I remember Christmas very fondly. Nice presents, stockings, lunch etc. But it feels entirely false & utterly pointless for me to put up decorations & recreate that. Anyway I haven’t actually got any decorations - never have had.

DH is possibly even less Christmassy than me.

Talking to pals yesterday (all of whom are well into Christmas) they seem to be having a great time but for me it’s just a normal week. Seeing video of their houses full of baubles & tinsel had me thinking WTAF? Why are you doing this? I know if I’d asked they would say because it’s Christmas. That doesn’t answer anything though does it?

I don’t want to sound joyless & miserable because I’m definitely not. I’m retired, comfortable financially, happy with DH. I’ve got a lovely life that I wouldn’t change but a teeny tiny part of me wonders if I’m missing out by not getting it?

We celebrate birthdays which to me feels much more appropriate. Why would I celebrate Jesus’ birthday if I’m not religious?

I’m not criticising those who are into Christmas - just trying to understand why you are. Particularly if you haven’t got kids & aren’t religious.

Early 60’s - not ND - two grown up DSC.

So those of us not lucky enough to have children yet are banished from Christmas? What do you suggest we do during December if we're not allowed to participate?

I think midwinter festivals have persisted so long for a reason. It’s not Christmas per se I’m not at all religious, but the end of one year, the start of a new one. Saturnalia, Yule, even older pagan roots. And I always love a feast, who can be against feasting? But it’s definitely not “magical” - that’s just something the adverts tell you to encourage more consumerism…..

We’re a no kids non religious household and I Igo all out with the tree and decorations just because I enjoy it, they’re pretty and they bring me joy. There’s literally nothing deeper to it.

I always enjoyed Christmas as a child and a young adult but after my dad passed away when I was 25 it just never felt the same. Now I hate it because the build up is just too long. The Christmas adverts started even before Bonfire night this year then its rammed down your throat for 7 weeks so by the time it gets here I'm truly fed up of it. I love it once Boxing Day is done and we can get back to normal.

@RessicaJabbitI do actually do all 3 but Christmas always ends up as centre stage for myriad reasons. I’m simply saying that my preference would be to focus on Yuletide and the solstice but for the reasons I cited I concentrate on Christmas more for now.

Christmas, presents, decorations, light trails, family, friends, Christmas food - they’re for everyone. Not just kids!!

For our family it’s never been about religion. It’s just a time we all get together and enjoy ourselves. Adults can enjoy having presents too that’s not exclusively for children. And you don’t need to be a Disney adult either! My family are certainly not, but they all do piles of presents for everyone!

I don't get it and I find it stressful.
I would ideally like to go away over Xmas and just have a normal day,

Not everyone gets to be the age you are though.

Having suffered a profound loss at a very young age, and many more since, birthdays are the most important thing to celebrate IMV. They’re also personal, rather than a massive capitalist holiday.

Don’t do Xmas or Easter and new year varies (DH has a new year birthday). Can take or leave Halloween.

We do this every other year. Highly recommend it.

Can’t you do that?

I think most -not all-people who say Christmas is just for kids are parents.

You must lock yourselves away in your house from Nov 1st until Jan 6th, no TV/radio etc in case you accidentally stumble across something Christmassy!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers FFS!!! Adults can’t bring plants/trees into the house in winter, thereby carrying on thousands year old traditions? Adults can’t sing songs of the season? Adults can’t enjoy eating a particular meal (which lots of kids don’t enjoy anyway). Adults can’t brighten up the dark nights with a bit of decoration? Fucking hell. May as well go and sit in my dark, child free house until I’m allowed out in Spring.

Perhaps you should read a bit more.

The "adding random ornaments" is a tradition pre-dating Christian Christmas - one of hanging gifts for deities on trees etc

The rituals of bringing light and life into the house during winter all has long standing traditions and meanings. Yuke logs, candles, mistletoe etc

All cultures and religions have festivals and celebrations and all of these have their rituals and traditions that have developed over time.

I find it odd that you should ask "why do people do this?". For me, I see the need to come together and celebrate as being ingrained in the human psyche. Christmas is just the form it takes at this time of the year in countries with a Christian tradition and culture.

Every year I look at our Christmas tree and think what a bizarre thing to do!

But Christmas doesn't happen by magic - it happens because of work done by people like the OP who probably feel the pressure to create the magic for everyone else.

I thought it magical as a child, now it is just lots of work but I've learned to scale it down and make it easier.

There are "magical" moments.

For me so far these moments have been:

Taking my DS20 and his GF on a European Christmas market weekend away and spending time with them in a city I love.

Supporting and attending a Panto performed by a group of young adults with additional needs - this was joyous.

Volunteering at our community centre's OAP Christmas party.

I'm looking forward to spending Christmas Day with my parents and siblings but my mum is dreading it and already very stressed ( she insisted on hosting this year - we all take it in turns to host but we would be happy to let her skip her turn and do it for her)

Yes you are. You said 'I personally don’t think grown adults without kids should bother with Xmas'. Should. You were saying what you think people should do.

As you’ve just demonstrated, the non-religious magic is the bit that is actually real though. The winter solstice, the looking forward to lighter days and nature reawakening. The rest is all just stories which have been mangled for control and commercial gain.

We have fairy lights up all year long. It rains a lot here and if we can’t sit out and watch stars, we recreate that indoors.

I don’t care if other people do or love Xmas at all: I just wish they would leave us out of it.

If I say I don’t eat meat, people don’t try to force me to eat steak
If I say I don’t smoke, they don’t try to make me start.
But say you don’t do Xmas and they’re trying to force you into Xmas quizzes, secret santas and Xmas jumpers. They can all just fuck off.

I am somewhat religious but I also dont get the magic of christmas. I put up a tree and buy presents for my kids who are now teens. The religious side - there is no proof that Jesus was born at that time anyway. I understand the coinciding with winter solstice - the gathering around stonehenge and newgrange is more awe inspiring than the commercial side. I think the older I get, I realise its all big retail that want to make money out of what is effectively, womens work. So the rebellious side of me is trying to participate less and less in it. It makes more sense to save my money for the warmer months when you can actually get out and do more.

As others have said, you do you. If you're not into it at all then that's fair enough but I do struggle to understand really as there's so much to Christmas there must be an element that you like...whether it's eating a nice mince pie with a dollop of cream, a festive hot chocolate or glass of mulled wine, watching a Christmas special on the telly, watching tractors all bedecked in lights, singing a Christmas carol, pulling a cracker with family, dancing around to some 80s Christmas hits, eating your own weight in Christmas cheeses.... Not one thing tickles your fancy? That really feels quite joyless.

I enjoy having something to celebrate over a miserable cold month.

I like spend time with family and enjoy this time with them.

Saying that, I haven't felt this year like I am enjoying it as much. It could be due to my circumstances or age not sure.

My friend works in retail and she said that killed off her love for Christmas.

I don’t believe you don’t understand it when you had a nice memory of Christmas when young. You just think you’re above it all now. Cool

Splendid post.

Christmas isn’t about religion to us. It’s about renewal after the depths of winter and celebrating who and what we have together.