Christmas - why don’t I get the magic of it?

[ZeroMagic]

Have been meaning to write this post for years.

I just don’t get Christmas at all. Can somebody please explain the point of it? I’m not religious - haven’t got kids. Why would I put a tree up in my house? It’s nuts 🤷🏼‍♀️.

There’s just DH & me. We don’t live near family, but we get on very well with them & they come to stay with us throughout the year. I love having them here but I don’t feel the need to be with them on this particular day. Why would I?

Growing up I remember Christmas very fondly. Nice presents, stockings, lunch etc. But it feels entirely false & utterly pointless for me to put up decorations & recreate that. Anyway I haven’t actually got any decorations - never have had.

DH is possibly even less Christmassy than me.

Talking to pals yesterday (all of whom are well into Christmas) they seem to be having a great time but for me it’s just a normal week. Seeing video of their houses full of baubles & tinsel had me thinking WTAF? Why are you doing this? I know if I’d asked they would say because it’s Christmas. That doesn’t answer anything though does it?

I don’t want to sound joyless & miserable because I’m definitely not. I’m retired, comfortable financially, happy with DH. I’ve got a lovely life that I wouldn’t change but a teeny tiny part of me wonders if I’m missing out by not getting it?

We celebrate birthdays which to me feels much more appropriate. Why would I celebrate Jesus’ birthday if I’m not religious?

I’m not criticising those who are into Christmas - just trying to understand why you are. Particularly if you haven’t got kids & aren’t religious.

Early 60’s - not ND - two grown up DSC.

It’s the winter solstice even if you are not Christian. It’s been the party season in these islands for way back into prehistory. That’s why it’s now even though many people think Jesus was born in August.

it’s a time of year when we can think about the turning of the seasons , the year, new life soon coming , a time to reflect and reconnect

the tie to the natural world may mean this is strange if you are an indoor/city person . for outside people doing this in the middle of winter seems sensible - when you have naturally more free time

as a species and society we need joint celebrations and excuses to party. Because we could do it anytime but we don’t. We need the ritual push. Having something across society helps bind society together . Which is useful.

it’s a conversation topic that isn’t the weather - for those casual encounters that are more important than we - in these egotistic times - realise.

Wny? All cultures in the Northern hemisphere have or had mid winter festivals, Christianty simply piggy backed on to existing celebrations. Christians do not own mid winter celebrations.

The Romans were celebrating mid winter with feasting, stories and trees indoors long before Jesus was born.

For most secular people, Christmas is for kids. If you don’t have children, I’m not surprised you can’t be bothered.

My joy comes from seeing my kids excitement build, seeing Santa, hearing them ask how many days, the fun of putting the baubles up and seeing the tree glitter.

When my kids get older, it’ll be about providing them with the tradition they’ve experienced their whole life.

As a retired couple with no kids, I think it’s probably stranger to do the tree etc than it is not to.

Because it's fun, decorations are pretty and bring some light into a dark winter period. It brings joy to spend time with friends and family and to give gifts. It's nice to eat lovely meals and food and breaks up the winter period with some happy time spent with loved ones. I'm not religious and don't belive in Jesus.

Xmas has links with the pagan winter festival that was celebrated around the winter solstice to celebrate the return of the sun and longer days. Alot of the traditions still done now are align with that, not Christianity.I

Yes. I agree. It’s mostly a meaningless shopping campaign. I do enjoy the lights and markets though.

I put up the tree and decorations for the dcs. When they are grown, I doubt I will bother.

I’m sure you do get the point of Christmas and don’t need to be told why people celebrate it, you just want to state that you personally don’t.

I always loved Christmas but it’s been hard since my mum died, she was the magic behind it for the entire family but we still have a tree etc because it’s our family tradition and I want to keep that going. We’re all completely non-religious.

@ZeroMagic I always thought that about the tree! Totally nuts when you think of it. Dragging a tree into your house, decorating it, chucking it out again.
I like the break, spending time with people and lights are pretty.
For me, the magic is the slow down and spending time with friends and family.

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack It’s not so much that I don’t want to celebrate - but just don’t understand why this is something to celebrate. I’m pleased you enjoy it - I just wonder why I don’t that’s all.

It’s a normal working day for me - I get a tree as my grown up kids (one lives at home) insists but if it was just me I wouldn’t bother

As other people have pointed out, a lot of adults do a lot of Christmassy things because children. You don’t have any so that minimises the desire to do stuff which is essentially childlike. Apart from a real tree beautifully decorated!

I am like this as well, I have done Christmas every year for the DC mainly. I am a single parent and I don’t have an extended family to spend it with. I have got to the point where I also just cannot spend the amounts of money which seem to be needed for this that and the other. Christmas also makes me sad as it reminds me I don’t have extended family and it reminds me of dysfunctional childhood Christmases which I dreaded.

this year
1- I decided I would go to church. I was brought up going to church and I think if Christmas is going to have any meaning for me, then I should start going again. This made me look forward to it. Otherwise it is just a consumer-fest which I hate.
2- I have delegated organising everything this year to oldest DD who loves Christmas and loves organising. I am paying of course but she is sensible with budgeting. This has taken some of the pressure off.

I do enjoy all the Christmas lights. These are very pretty. They light up the darkest time of year. So I also enjoy it from that aspect. But generally, I would like to just hunker down with my pretty lights and hide until it is all over.

Every culture has some festival with lights, fires, traditions, feast etc. throughout the year.
People make it as meaningful or meaningless as they want. Some people go full out, some don't.
As pps said, darkest time of the year, greenery and lights to bring nature in and lighten up the days as well as feast originally meant yo celebrate sun and eat what needs to be eaten and won't last a winter.
It's bit of fun in the middle of winter

Yep and I feel exactly the same about all of them too.

Originally from ancient traditions of bringing ever greens in to celebrate life. Iirc it goes all the way back to ancient civilisations

Don't you find any joy in life?

Don't celebrate anything?

We still bother when DC is with other parent, but not the clutter swapping - we come together for a meal during the rare time we all have an extra break from work in addition to the weekend. I see my family during the year but rarely all together.

We are not religious in anyway. Kids are now teens so don’t have then ‘magic’ of Christmas, but somehow I’m enjoying it more and more.

The lights and decorations brighten up a really dark, dull, wet time of year.

The kids are now genuinely grateful for the gifts they receive (now they know we’ve worked hard to buy, wrap and give them. It’s not imaginary elf’s that make it all happen).

We have lots of lovely family time / meals. The kids that are often too cool for their parents put on silly pjs and spend time playing games they wouldn’t at any other time of year.

My teen ASD DD says almost every day, I love Christmas. Makes me happy that she can find joy in the lights and decorations we have up.

Maybe if I was alone I’d feel differently, but I also love my twinkly lights so who knows.

There’s a human need for festivals and a break from the everyday a chance to see family and friends and have fun. Or life’s one long unchanging dirge that even pre Roman societies found depressing.

A pp has a nerve saying if you’re not Christian it’s hypocritical. We always had a midwinter festival they just overlaid Christianity onto what was already happening.

In a different world where I didn’t have children I would probably feel the same way. I had really rubbish Christmases as a child for various reasons, I’m half Jewish so was split between Hanukkah and Christmas celebrations which complicated things, especially years when they fell in the same week. The only reason I bother now is because I want to make it special for my DC, so they have brilliant Christmases like I never did. I wouldn’t bother at all otherwise.

I'm not celebrating anything in particular, other than time with friends and family. It's nice to have the time off work. It's nice to get together with people. I enjoy all of the lights amidst the darkness of winter. I enjoy the Christmas food, though our own version of that isn't entirely traditional. I love the old Christmas carols etc. Some of it is just about nostalgia, I suppose, and the comfort that people find in repeating familiar rituals and traditions over the years.

I wouldn't say that I find it magical. I think that feeling is reserved for young children/parents of young children/grandparents of young children etc. I definitely felt like we relived that magic when dd was little. That has gone now, but I do still enjoy it.

I think the thing to remember is that thy can partake in as much or as little of the tradition as you want to. Do it in your own way, or don't do it at all... there is no pressure.

For me it is a connection with the past and my fellow humans and a celebration of light and love at the darkest time of he year. When I say a connection with the past I mean both my own past (as you mentioned, so when I make for example a stocking for my children i remember the stockings my parents made for me and the love they had) and our cultural shared past, both Christian and pagan (so when I am at a carol concert I think of people coming together and singing for thousands of years). I'm not Christian myself.

Not everyone likes their family!

Ah brilliant, we normally have a ‘getting back to the true religious meaning of Christmas’ thread every year and I don’t remember seeing one so far this time - do you want to start one? Then everyone points out that a midwinter festival existed in northern countries long before Christianity and the Christians just appropriated it in a very non-Christian gesture. And then we all have lots of festive fun being rude to each other online… Happy Yule!

OP, there’s only a point in doing Christmas if you get something positive from it. For me it’s an absolute deep-seated need to add light to the darkest time of year, and celebrate getting past the shortest day again. Having my Christmas tree and advent crown (in central Europe) lit in the long December evenings makes me happy, and that is surely enough. One of my adult DC lives abroad, so a period when everyone is off work and can get together is something we really value. Then clearing away all the decorations in early Jan feels like a literal new start to the year - kicking it off with a decluttered house and a few minutes more daylight esch day . So it fulfils multiple needs for us.

It doesn’t fulfill those needs for you, and that’s fine. You’re lucky to live in a country and in an era where observing a particular celebration is not mandatory. As long as you’re returning the favour and not dissing people who do, for one reason or another, like using the opportunity to have fun, relax, recuperate, that’s all fine.

We don't have kids, but I have always put some Christmas decs up. I do agree, Christmas is for children and it's magical for them, it was for me as a kid too.
We've had some plastering done, so the house is still in chaos, shelves down, boxes of things all over! My little display this year is along the new window ledge. A little metal tree, filled with tiny baubles, that was my dear departed dads, along with his little metal, wobbly reindeer and robin, one either side. Some sparkly blue and silver snowflakes, propped at intervals behind and a string of bright coloured remote controlled lights strung along and in and out of the rest of it.
To me, it just gives a bit of brightness on an evening and adds a tiny bit of colour to these dismal winter days and nights.
When I do get the tree out, I don't go overboard, I do it because I just love the atmosphere it brings. And it's just something for me to remember happier times when I was younger and my parents were still alive. Not in a maudlin way, just a nice cosy reminder.
But you enjoy your Christmas however you want. Seasons greetings! 🎄

OP, I 100% agree with you, and we are pretty much the same as you.

I do listen to the Nine Lessons and Carols, as I think we should remember what it's supposed to be about. But we skip the rest of it, as it's fairly pointless.