I had a near death experience - AMA

[Whatsinanames]

Just what the title says really. I had a major haemorrhage when I gave birth to my daughter a few years back. Lost basically all my blood volume very quickly. Heart stopped but was thankfully resuscitated by amazing doctors and am fine now. But I thought perhaps people might have questions about what it feels like to die, having effectively been through the process myself.

i was young and was out of control of my life before the ectopic and I realised that I was only here once , it was my life to control and that I’d had a lucky escape . It was an ephithany.

Very interesting thank you.

I shared in the moment of death of a friend, who was a dear friend but I wasn’t their ‘best friend’. They died 3000 miles away and it was only a day later when i worked out the time difference that I realised i’d experienced her death as it happened. 30 years later the sensations and images are still very vivid in my memory. She was murdered and I could see and hear details that only became public knowledge months later as part of a police investigation.

the tenor was tremendous peace and an overwhelming sense of love, abundant radiant shimmering light, a sense that all was going to be ok, calm, peace, and a loving embrace awaiting her. It made no sense to me but i accepted it as a gift, a message to pass on to her family, which i did, tentatively as it sounded like i was a fantasist centring myself uninvited in their private immense tragedy. But i felt an urgency to tell it too, it would have been wrong to dismiss such a vivid message.

it changed my life. In so many ways. All for the better.

Interesting thread thank you OP and others for sharing your experiences. I do think the brain must have ways to manage the process of dying like it does so many other significant life stages.

From my experience of seeing someone die albeit as part of long illness or old age etc as opposed to trauma), if you can advocate or get them 'end of life care' the moment it's brought up or if they bring the chaplain round big clue there, dont waste a moment, take it. I saw a loved one with pneumonia go from a curled up ball to someone calm and resting for the remaining days and hours she had and her passing was gentle. Muscle relaxants work wonders but have to be managed but proper pain relief can be transformative, such difficult decisions to agree to but glad we agreed when we did instead of urging for more drips and IVs etc.

My brother in law and niece went to the spiritualist Church after my darling sister died. The medium there connected with my sister (sorry if you don't believe, each to their own) and apparently when she died it was just like 'being wrapped up in a huge warm blanket'.
Was that something similar for you OP?

The OP has been really polite and kind to people asking questions. Just because you have different experiences doesn’t give you the right to be dismissive and rude. The purposefully nasty “lol” certainly wasn’t called for. Start your own thread if you’re so keen to share your own experience, there’s no rule that says you have to comment or question here. Why are people like this?

Yeah I found it a bit weird - a few people who obviously have been a bit put out by this thread and I’m not sure why. After all, it’s not ‘AMA’ about anyone else’s experience, or anyone’s loved one’s experience, it’s AMA about mine. And I do think there are a few things I experienced which might be of interest to others. And if they’re not that’s fine. There’s loads on mumsnet I’m not interested in / isn’t personally relevant or valuable to me but I don’t post on the thread to say so 🤣

It was actually. I don’t believe though completely respect people’s beliefs if they do. That part was definitely the same for me.

I completely get why you offered this and that it was about your experience, OP. I have found it very interesting. Ignore ignore ignore - you're under no obligation to engage with dismissive or rude posters.

Not as near death as you OP, but I had a heart attack recently and DH spent 15 minutes pleading with the 999 call handler to send help. She point blank refused and was really aggressive about it. I was unable to move as the pain got worse, it was like being slowly crushed to death. I realised I was finding it harder and harder to breathe, I was shivering because I was getting colder and colder, everything went dark and the last thing I heard was the call handler saying "I have triaged this call and you will get a call back in 1 to 2 hours". I didn't hear anything more after that, but apparently over the next 2 minutes DH managed to speak to a supervisor who grudgingly relented and sent a first responder. All I could think of was great sadness that DH would have to tell the children I had died and wondering how they would manage without me.
Then I felt someone shove something in my mouth (aspirin) and spray something cold in my mouth and I felt the pressure in my chest lift. I realised the paramedic had arrived.
Obviously I didn't get near to actually dying, but I was aware of shutting down and feeling very sad but helpless.

Omg, I hope you’ve formally complained about that!! Shocking 🤯glad you recovered 💕

I did. According to them it was fine and the call handler followed the triage process correctly. I am very grateful DH was there (he works away quite a lot) and that he managed to get help eventually. Honestly, if I had been alone the outcome would have been very different. They will not deviate from the script and if you don't answer in the right order, or try to tell them anything that isn't on the list, they get the hump. DH said he got the impression they thought it was a hoax call.

Thanks for sharing OP X
Glad you are Ok.

The lol was me trying to make a self deprecating joke about my own personal experience which was obviously very distressing, even if you don't remember what happens.

I'm sorry if you think I was being rude.

what a helpful, compelling AMA @Whatsinanames - I’m so glad you not only survived, but managed to make it a moment of power and possibility in your life.

You might find Dr Sam Parnia’s research interesting. He’s an ED doctor studying NDEs in cardiac patients and there’s a fascinating pattern of experience across subjects which very much chimes with yours.

If they’re old enough- have you / will ever told your children what happened? And if you have - has it impacted on how they think about death/ dying?

About the calmness - it sounds from most of the accounts here as if strong emotion is suspended.

It was not the same but I had a uterine infection in my second pregnancy that was missed and my ex-H was refusing to take me to hospital. I remember knowing, just knowing, that I had maximum 2 - 3 days to live. It was not a happy thought but strangely undistressing.

Eventually (after a neighbour helped me) he took me to hospital and my duckling and I survived. An hour or two later would have been too late for him and maybe for me, he was given only 1 in 20 chance to survive.

I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died fairly recently. He almost died another couple of times during his hospital stay, due to co2 build up. After he managed to not die he didn’t remembers anything of it, so I believe your mum wouldn’t have been in pain despite being agitated. He was very agitated but later confirmed no pain but that he had some awareness that we were there.

I’ve heard my child’s death rattle. She suffered a cardiac arrest. CPR and being defibrillatored brought her back. She was placed into an induced coma and spent 5 weeks in hospital. She cannot remember a thing of the day of the arrest nor the days before. Apparently that is normal. She felt no pain. She also said that whilst technically ‘dead’, no one was awaiting for her , there wasn’t a tunnel or a light, just darkness. She is not disturbed by that fact though. I will never ever get over this, but she is amazing and so stoic. The NHS were amazing and I will never forget what they did. Just wanted to add my story.

Yes I’m very open with the kids. My youngest sees it almost like her superhero origin story, quite a cool tale of survival.

Likewise

I was under anaesthesia so have 0 recollection.
Did see the state of my husband, the surgeon and anaesthetist
several hours later. And they were very shocked, my reaction to one of the drugs was very rare, and technically I was a NDE as my blood pressure dropped to almost nothing and they lost my pulse, but a lot of drugs brought me back. Had to be in ICU/HDU for several days after, and transferred to a larger hospital. I was mostly annoyed, as I didn’t wake up in correct hospital.

I knew before something would go wrong.
No one had listened to me
But I very very strongly felt the need to update my will and POA, and give alternative numbers and emails for self employed work before surgery.
And went into surgery crying as they couldn’t find a vein or the correct point in my spine for drugs for a long painful time.

According to DH just before all the alarms went off, the sun disappeared and a huge storm started.

I was asleep.
Blissfully unaware

I also watched my Dfather die

The death rattle was awful to listen to but he was at peace.
and without morphine as the district Nurse didn’t make it in time.
from my point of view I was very sad but it was his time, and I sat with him for hours until the doctor and the undertaker came. It was very peaceful.

Thank you for sharing your very interesting experiences.
Has anyone had a near death experience whilst under anaesthetic?
Do you think a person would be aware of the things mentioned - sense of calm, lights, memories etc if they died whilst under anaesthetic?