I had a near death experience - AMA

[Whatsinanames]

Just what the title says really. I had a major haemorrhage when I gave birth to my daughter a few years back. Lost basically all my blood volume very quickly. Heart stopped but was thankfully resuscitated by amazing doctors and am fine now. But I thought perhaps people might have questions about what it feels like to die, having effectively been through the process myself.

Your thread made me cry, OP. There definitely is a lot of comfort to be had in knowing the people we love play such an important part in offering comfort in those final moments, whether in person or in your memories. I'm glad you're well. How has this experience changed you? Did you struggle with your mental and physical health afterwards?

Thank you for sharing this OP

Thanks OP for this thread.

i’m glad it provides some comfort. I’m definitely less scared of (natural timely) death for myself and my loved ones now and was hoping to share that.

It did change me a lot actually. Hospital referred me to trauma counselling but I really didn’t need it. Maybe because what happened was no one’s fault, no one harmed me, and actually I felt very lucky that there was an amazing team around me who saved me.

After I felt very strong and powerful and a huge sense of you only live once. I took up hobbies i’d been scared to, made a lot of new friends and changed careers into something I had been too scared to try which worked out great. My life is way better than it would have been if the experience hadn’t happened, for sure.

Hello OP. Thank you very much for sharing this.

You say you experienced a happy memory of your daughter. Did any sad memories or regrets also resurface? You also say you felt sad you weren't going to be there for your children, but it sounds like this sadness wasn't very powerful, and it was overridden by a sense of peace - did I get that right?

I am interested, basically, in hearing more about the feelings you had about your place in the world and what you were leaving behind.

This is so interesting! I also had a very scary PPH, although not as severe as yours (I kept about 40% of my blood 👍) and our experiences are quite similar. I got the evaporating feeling and the senses shutting down thing, but only got dark and none of the light/nice memories part, maybe because I didn’t get as far into dying as you? My heart didn’t stop.

I remember being quite interested by it all, like ‘oh look I’m dying. I’ve never died before! I’ll never have a cold Diet Coke again. I’ll never see my boy grow up’ and then getting increasingly pissed off because people kept shouting SHARP SCRATCH COMING NOW in my ear and not letting me go to sleep.

The Diet Coke thing is true but I wasn’t sure whether to leave it in because people are always appalled that that was my first thought.

I think the Coke thought is really funny and very human. It's comforting, too.

I think it's really interesting that you're both describing being factual about the fact you thought you wouldn't be here to see your children grow up, but you didn't seem frightened or upset about it, you sound like you were at peace?

@VoltaireMittyDream I'm so sorry for your loss.

My husband had an out of hosp cardiac arrest 2 yrs ago. When we've discussed this previously, he said he had no recollection of pain or concern. He also said he didn't have an out of body experience.

I had to be resuscitated as a child. It is still very vid but of course I don’t really know if what I remember is before, during or after the arrest. It was very peaceful like walking over an edge down a grassy bank from bright sunlight to dark. I was actually quite cross when people started hitting my chest and calling me back. I loved being “dead” and this has left me not fearing death.

Beautiful way of describing it and very akin to my experience

Strictly speaking you didn’t die. You had a cardiac arrest from which you were resuscitated and there is a subtle-ish difference. The definition and diagnosis of death is a little more complex than you might imagine. Glad it’s reassuring that it wasn’t a traumatic process for you.

No sad memories or thoughts of scores I wanted settled or anything.

The acceptance that I was dying is something my husband really struggles with. He feels that if I really loved him and the kids I should have felt anguish that I was leaving them. But all I can say is the facts. If you told me now I was going to die and not be there for my kids, I’d be livid. I’d scream and scratch and fight and do anything to stay.

But in that time that was not my experience. I was sad my time was up. But that was overshadowed by a much bigger sense that this is a door we all walk through, this was my turn, and wow I’ve had a good life and thank heavens my girls are ok, and I wish I could see them again but at least they will be loved by everyone, and it’s too late to fix now.

So yes, some sadness but mainly peace and comfort and not the panic i’d expect.

Beautiful thread

Yeah I work in a scientific field so I understand that full brain death is different. My comment was to a PP who had thought that stopping breathing and needing adrenalin (guessing allergy) was the same as a full near death experience.

But for the purposes of discussion, a full cardiac arrest is the closest anyone who is still alive has been - as no one has ever recovered from full brain death, where for all intents and purposes with a cardiac arrest the patient has walked through a door most don’t come back out of.

I’m just expressing why this might be interesting to some people. Over the years I’ve found a lot of people want to ask about it.

How much of the feeling of accepting do you attribute to physical causes eg release of endorphins, neurotransmitters etc and how much do you attribute to spiritual causes eg consciousness lives on, we are spiritual beings etc

I attribute all to hormones, neurotransmitters, dopamine etc. I think we’re a very cleverly evolved species.

That said I definitely note another poster’s comment on the mind/body problem. I’d like to believe the dream state I felt at the point when everything was black might have been permanent as it was a happy place.

I was struck by your post because I thought I had died when I had my son a few years ago. I had eclampsia and at home alone, my BP rocketed and I started to slip into a seizure. My senses faded and everything went black and I had the thought that I was dying. The experience was horrific and the anguish I felt that I was losing control of my body and possibly losing my baby was awful. I was completely traumatised afterwards. I woke up in hospital and I am now ok, but I am still haunted by it.

Your experience seems so calm and peaceful and gives me a little comfort that possibly when it is our time that it is a nicer experience than I had imagined. I also admire your strength that you are choosing to focus on the positives from it, something I found myself unable to do. Glad that you are fine and doing well now. :)

I love the coke story. It’s all real, it’s all human.

I had a very near death experience and I felt peace & acceptance as I nearly lost the battle (drowning) as opposed to sheer panic. Hard to describe but more like accepting that was it and drifting off. Someone rescued me at the last min

The feeling of acceptance you describe is very interesting to me. I’ve never really had a nightmare because in my dreams, if something bad happens, I instantly feel this complete acceptance of the situation and what will be, will be. There is no fight back. Although clearly a different situation, the feeling sounds very similar as the brain tries to cope with a challenging scenario.

My dad died of a massive haemmorhage this year. Most ways to die are horrible to imagine, but I really wish he had died in any other way because I keep ruminating over the amount of blood, and how alarming that must have been for others to see and try to stem (I wasn't with him which adds another layer of guilt) and how ominous it must feel to know that the blood is rushing out of you and that you are dying in minutes. He too worked in science so he would have known what was happening.

I don't really know what I want to ask as I've got too many questions and they're all too huge to comprehend. But your thread is bringing a lot of comfort. I didn't know I needed this thread so thank you. And I'm so glad you're here today OP.

@Cherubneddy my Dad’s death was similar. He didn’t want to go and was fighting to the last. He died at home in horrific pain as we couldn’t get anything stronger than paracetamol. I had nightmares for weeks afterwards that he was trying to come back but couldn’t reach us.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

If you do think of any questions do feel free to pop them here and I’ll keep an eye open. Hopefully this is a safe space.

I don’t think you have anything to say op. I am glad that you can reassure various people. But you have nothing to say. All of our deaths are unique to ourselves and will be easy or not depending on circumstance. My mum died of copd she was terrified. And she could not breath. I am so hopeful that when my time comes the government let me die with a wee drug and no pain or fear. I think and hope that is what will be allowed by then maybe 20 years from now.

Thank you for this thread @Whatsinanames I'm very interested in these kinds of things and it's good of you to be so open about your experiences.