Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Argument between 7yoDS and DH

105 replies

wonder456 · 19/12/2025 22:36

Sorry in advance for waffling message but want to get this right for my 7year old...

Tonight my 7yo DS and his step dad had an argument.. to cut a long story short DS (who is waiting for autism diagnosis (he gets very overwhelmed very quickly and very angry)) saw that his drawing ripped and accused DH (because apparently he was nearby when he found it) DH was very angry at this accusation...

DH was so very angry because he said DS said 'I saw him do it'... and so lied.. therefore should apologise and have a consequence for lying which is our no.1 family rule.

I've spoken to DS about this who keeps saying to me he doesn't think he said that and and can't really remember and gets very upset when I suggest he may have... but DH is pushing for a consequence and apology and said he won't speak to DS without.

DH also got very upset with me for taking DS's
side and not 'believing him' and said 'If you don't apologise I'll leave' to which I relied 'he can hear you' and he said 'I want him to hear'

Do I make DS apologise and give him a consequence? Sorry this is a lame post.. Don't know what to do...and want to get it right for my son... Thankyou in advance..

OP posts:
Happytap · 20/12/2025 00:00

What on earth? A grown man cannot argue with a child, that is not an argument, it is being a bloody bully

What a pig. Your poor poor son having to live with this man. It's completely unacceptable

ReadingSoManyThreads · 20/12/2025 00:01

"Saying that I just went upstairs to get my earplugs from the bedroom where DH is and got the classic 'you're not well' and 'I really mean that' from DH..."

What the actual?
Your DH's behaviour sounds alarming throughout this post. I really hope you don't have a child with him.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 20/12/2025 00:03

Choose your child

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families SEN
RavenLaw · 20/12/2025 00:04

wonder456 · 19/12/2025 23:26

I'm not sure re the ripping but I think it just got torn at some point.. DS was very distressed about the drawing in the first place as it was a delicate cut out/ game he'd made and he was getting very upset ever time he picked it up as it was fragile. I'm sure DH didn't touch it though..

Saying that I just went upstairs to get my earplugs from the bedroom where DH is and got the classic 'you're not well' and 'I really mean that' from DH...

Does he say this sort of thing frequently?

converseandjeans · 20/12/2025 00:07

@wonder456 you need to stick up for DS here. I think DH is being completely OTT about the whole thing. He’s pushing you to decide between the two of them & sees you sticking up for DS as disrespectful to him. I imagine DS is tired at the end of term & over reacting. How long have you had him living with you? Since when does he rule the house?

kshaw · 20/12/2025 00:07

If my partner said a 7 year old had to apologise or he'd leave, I'd get the biggest ick and never want to have sex with this 'man' again...so he could leave. Honestly imagine being that petty and that insecure you can't see a 7 year olds perspective 😂

Original poster
wonder456 · 20/12/2025 00:08

Thankyou everyone for your honest replies.. to hear so many people agree on the same thing is so helpful it gets so warped when you are living in it.. tonight my son said to me 'mama just do what you need to do to resolve it'.. he genuinely loves his stepdad as he is amazing to him in so many ways... it's like Jekyll and Hyde.. but this is the first time it's actually involved an argument with my son.

i hear what everyone is saying and it's giving me a lot of strength.

@ravenlawhe said it often in arguments.

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 20/12/2025 00:10

Awww your poor son, he's so precious.

Hopefully, you'll do what you need to resolve this by getting rid of your bully of a husband.

converseandjeans · 20/12/2025 00:12

wonder456 · 20/12/2025 00:08

Thankyou everyone for your honest replies.. to hear so many people agree on the same thing is so helpful it gets so warped when you are living in it.. tonight my son said to me 'mama just do what you need to do to resolve it'.. he genuinely loves his stepdad as he is amazing to him in so many ways... it's like Jekyll and Hyde.. but this is the first time it's actually involved an argument with my son.

i hear what everyone is saying and it's giving me a lot of strength.

@ravenlawhe said it often in arguments.

Edited

@wonder456 DS just wants the argument over because he’s probably upset & thinks it’s his fault. It’s easier for you if he apologises & he wants to please you/see you happy again.

Busybeemumm · 20/12/2025 00:25

Your son thinks the argument is his fault as he has been made to feel like this by your DH. Your DH is an emotional manipulative bully. Sooner you leave the better for you and your son.

Maybe your sons traits you have described (getting overwhelmed, angry) stem from his environment.

It's even possible that your DH did rip his art work. He sounds untrustworthy. Even abused children want to stay with their abusive parents. You as the adult here need to protect your son.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 20/12/2025 00:29

So your DS said something which isn’t true. You’d DH is very angry about it are threatening to leave. All the posters here are mad at your DH and want you to divorce. Every aspect is mental.

Your DS might not remember saying to, but if you trust DH not to be lying then DS did say it and pretending he didn’t means letting him off the hook which isn’t great. The accusation was wrong and I do think children need to know that their accusations can be very hurtful.

DH is completely ridiculous for getting so angry about this. He should have a calm conversation with DS that he was hurt / upset by the accusation but that’s the end of it.

Your family rule is daft. You can’t make “lying” in to that big of a deal. Yes, there’s times where lying is awful. But there’s times where it is good too. Nuance is tough for all kids, and even harder for children who are ND. Don’t make “lying” a black and white issue.

Busybeemumm · 20/12/2025 00:29

Your title is also telling how to see your son and your DH like they are equals or peers! One is a grown ass man and the other a 7 year old child!

Topseyt123 · 20/12/2025 00:30

Your DH is a pillock! He sounds no more than about 10 years old himself, he is behaving so immaturely.

You are being asked to choose between your son and this pillock. No contest, surely. Your son should win hands down. Pillock can go.

Why are you ignoring people asking if you have any other children in this mix? With your DH?

JemimaTiggywinkles · 20/12/2025 00:30

Oh, I wouldn’t for a second stay in a Jekyll and Hyde relationship. That’s horrible for you and you deserve better

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 20/12/2025 00:31

justforthisnow · 19/12/2025 22:41

Sounds like you have a DH problem. What kind of man behaves like this with a 7 year old child? And threatens to leave if he doesn't get an apology to something he may or may not have done (were there other witnesses?).

I agree. Ds is 7 years old. A simple, 'oh no, did it tear. Here, I'll help you fix it ' is enough really. End of drama. Fighting like a child as an adult doesn't help anything. No I didn't, yes you did' etc. It shoulded like OP got dragged down in the dispute too. Unfortunately someone had to take responsibility for the issue and it looks like neither DS or DH could

endofthelinefinally · 20/12/2025 00:36

Your husband is behaving like an immature bully.

Wildbushlady · 20/12/2025 00:41

Why would you make your son live with an unrelated man baby like this? It doesn't matter how nice he is when he's behaving, acting like that and saying those things within earshot of your son is designed to psychologically wound him.

Do your damn job as a mother and remove this parasite.

Allisnotlost1 · 20/12/2025 00:46

wonder456 · 19/12/2025 22:41

Hi @CosyMintFishthankyou for your reply.. Sorry I should have said the rule is 'always tell the truth' (so we can trust each other) x

This is a nice rule I think, but how can you trust any adult that will argue with a 7 year old and ‘stop speaking’ to them over it? No trust or respect for him, no point in him staying around.

Ghht · 20/12/2025 00:53

You’re all being unreasonable.

DS- lying and accusing
DH- Acting like a child
You- not backing up your DH when you knew your ds was lying

However, DH is the most unreasonable because he is bringing himself down to the maturity level of a 7 yo. Also, refusing to speak to a child because of it??

Driftingawaynow · 20/12/2025 00:54

Sometimes emotionally immature parents can have a great relationship with little ones as they are like older siblings, hero worshiped and able to basically play together, then the actual child starts to mature, individuate and then hit puberty and it all falls apart. You absolutely need emotional maturity from your partner. Don’t be blindsided by the nice parts of the relationship between them. His comment about you not being well is very concerning and a major red flag, rather than acknowledging his role in the situation He is now trying to put it all on you, this is actual gaslighting and is harmful not only to you but to your child as well.it will chip away at you and make you accept shit. Furthermore, him saying he doesn’t care that your son overhears is appalling and absolutely unacceptable. I’m sure he’s lovely much of the time, but this is not a healthy situation and is in likely to be changed by talking.

Ghht · 20/12/2025 00:57

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 20/12/2025 00:31

I agree. Ds is 7 years old. A simple, 'oh no, did it tear. Here, I'll help you fix it ' is enough really. End of drama. Fighting like a child as an adult doesn't help anything. No I didn't, yes you did' etc. It shoulded like OP got dragged down in the dispute too. Unfortunately someone had to take responsibility for the issue and it looks like neither DS or DH could

Edited
Show quote history

I agree and disagree.

That’s how I would treat a 4 yo. By age 7 I would expect to have a conversation around lying/making impulsive accusations and explain how would he feel if x said that about him, etc., etc. Basically, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it with consequences, but I wouldn’t divert and brush it off- it’s a learning opportunity.

Either way, the DH is a dick and went about it in completely the wrong way.

MeinKraft · 20/12/2025 00:58

Another child having to live with a total cunt in their home.

Widgets · 20/12/2025 01:02

Sounds like it has escalated and become a bigger issue than it needed to be.
Your DS will be feeling sad and anxious and wanting it to be resolved to stop the arguments.
As adults it’s your job to make him feel safe and reassured. You need to have his back, always. Teach him to resolve issues and move on.
Everyone needs to stay calm and your DH needs to grow up!

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 20/12/2025 01:14

Ghht · 20/12/2025 00:57

I agree and disagree.

That’s how I would treat a 4 yo. By age 7 I would expect to have a conversation around lying/making impulsive accusations and explain how would he feel if x said that about him, etc., etc. Basically, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it with consequences, but I wouldn’t divert and brush it off- it’s a learning opportunity.

Either way, the DH is a dick and went about it in completely the wrong way.

Show quote history

I agree with you. At 7, it would be a good idea to have a chat to him about it and use it as a learning opportunity like you say. As long as we're sure DH didn't actually do it

Ghht · 20/12/2025 01:18

@TeaBiscuitsNaptime Very true! I wonder, given his behaviour over the whole thing…

Swipe left for the next trending thread