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Original poster

Argument between 7yoDS and DH

105 replies

wonder456 · 19/12/2025 22:36

Sorry in advance for waffling message but want to get this right for my 7year old...

Tonight my 7yo DS and his step dad had an argument.. to cut a long story short DS (who is waiting for autism diagnosis (he gets very overwhelmed very quickly and very angry)) saw that his drawing ripped and accused DH (because apparently he was nearby when he found it) DH was very angry at this accusation...

DH was so very angry because he said DS said 'I saw him do it'... and so lied.. therefore should apologise and have a consequence for lying which is our no.1 family rule.

I've spoken to DS about this who keeps saying to me he doesn't think he said that and and can't really remember and gets very upset when I suggest he may have... but DH is pushing for a consequence and apology and said he won't speak to DS without.

DH also got very upset with me for taking DS's
side and not 'believing him' and said 'If you don't apologise I'll leave' to which I relied 'he can hear you' and he said 'I want him to hear'

Do I make DS apologise and give him a consequence? Sorry this is a lame post.. Don't know what to do...and want to get it right for my son... Thankyou in advance..

OP posts:
CosyMintFish · 19/12/2025 22:39

I think your ‘no lying’ number 1 family rule is the root of the problem.

Children lie. Adults lie. It is a social skill. They lie for good reasons and bad reasons but it’s part of development. Clearly it’s wrong, but as it’s something they’re going to do anyway, I don’t think it makes sense to make such a big deal of it.

Original poster
wonder456 · 19/12/2025 22:41

Hi @CosyMintFishthankyou for your reply.. Sorry I should have said the rule is 'always tell the truth' (so we can trust each other) x

OP posts:
justforthisnow · 19/12/2025 22:41

Sounds like you have a DH problem. What kind of man behaves like this with a 7 year old child? And threatens to leave if he doesn't get an apology to something he may or may not have done (were there other witnesses?).

Interested in this thread?

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7 year olds Families SEN
runningonberocca · 19/12/2025 22:42

He’s asking you to choose between him and your 7 yr old. Easy choice . What a tosser.

Isadora2007 · 19/12/2025 22:44

So what actually happened to the drawing?

Pepperedpickles · 19/12/2025 22:46

Oh come on, your dh is being a dick.

The drawing thing is the least of your worries.

Not speaking to a 7 year old is childish and controlling.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 19/12/2025 22:46

Your dh sounds vile. Did he rip the picture?

NuffSaidSam · 19/12/2025 22:47

Don't make DS apologise, your DH will leave as he's promised to and problem solved! Your ridiculous, childish, bully of a partner will be gone and you and your DS can have a nice life! Win win.

TheAutumnCrow · 19/12/2025 22:52

Your DH can bloody well leave, then. Ridiculous man.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 19/12/2025 22:52

You have to ask? Jesus. 🙄😬 Your son comes first. No matter what.

Your partner wanting your son to believe that should he leave it'll be your sons fault.....is beyond words. It's despicable and cruel

I say again.....why do you have to ask?

VikaOlson · 19/12/2025 22:53

An adult man having an argument with a 7 year old autistic child! Honestly tell him to grow up!!

To be honest it sounds like your DH is 'very angry' about being accused because he did actually rip the drawing...

TokyoSushi · 19/12/2025 22:55

What a load of fuss over basically nothing, DH can go if he feels that strongly about a disagreement with a 7yr old.

WinterWooliesBaa · 19/12/2025 22:59

wonder456 · 19/12/2025 22:41

Hi @CosyMintFishthankyou for your reply.. Sorry I should have said the rule is 'always tell the truth' (so we can trust each other) x

Nope, pack dickheads bag for him!

DS is 7, he has said he didn't say it or doesn't remember saying it. DS is 7 waiting for an Autism diagnosis.

What is dickheads excuse for acting like a bell end??. He should have been calming things down, like an adult, not escalating it.

threatenung to leave, insist he does!!

splendidpickle · 19/12/2025 23:01

You can't react to a 7 year old's anger with more anger. It's not going to end well.
Your autistic kid is likely to get cross about lots of small things over the coming years and he needs help to regulate and deal with those feelings in calmer, more appropriate ways.
Your DH needs to learn to these skills too by the sounds of things.

Beamur · 19/12/2025 23:03

Your DH is being deeply unreasonable.
Next time he offers to leave because a 7 year old is arguing with him, open the door and show him the way.

Lamentingalways · 19/12/2025 23:04

Let him leave. He won’t though.

ItsDarkNow · 19/12/2025 23:05

How long has your husband been in your child’s life? Does he even like him?

Aquabluemouse · 19/12/2025 23:10

When your dh turned into a big baby and refused to speak to a 7 year old until he apologises for something he may or may not have said, this situation turned into something other than one about a ripped picture. Your dh should be ashamed of himself for using emotional blackmail to get his own way against a small child. What absolute loser behaves like that?

Regardless of whether your ds did or didn’t say that to your dh, your dh has shown himself up completely and if I were you I would be questioning how emotionally safe my dc is around that man.

HatAndScarf33 · 19/12/2025 23:10

Your DH is an adult and needs to regulate his emotions better. It's recipe for a shit show when a child (ND or not) is disregulated and their parent matches their energy by being equally disregulated. The priority should be helping the child calm themselves and THEN you can have a calm conversation over what was said/done and discuss consequences.

As for the accusation of lying. Most rational adults know that children sometimes say things that aren't true or stretch the truth. The key focus should be on the intent behind it. IF your son said it, it was said while he was worked up and upset, likely without any thought. He did not plot and plan a lie, with the intention of getting your dh in ‘trouble’. It wasn't meant with malice and it sounds like he can't even remember saying it, which makes sense because he was just lashing out because he was upset. It's very common for children to attribute blame to others when something negative happens, it's how they try and make sense of things.

Your dh doesn't sound like he's got to emotional maturity to parent your son in a kind and calm way.

Original poster
wonder456 · 19/12/2025 23:12

Thankyou everyone for your replies...Yes my child does seem to really like him.. Generally he is really amazing with him and I have asked DS privately and he sais he really likes him:

we were in the room discussing the situation the three of us and DS said he didn't want to leave the room until it was resolved. But DH refused and said he wants an apology. I'm sure DH didn't rip the drawing but DS was just in an emotional state after a long day. He gets very overwhelmed and finds it very hard to regulate emotions...

OP posts:
RavenLaw · 19/12/2025 23:12

If DH was near to the ripped picture and DS saw the picture, the rip, and DH, then he might not be "lying" even if he DID say that he "saw him" do it. Seeing the connections may well be enough for him to believe that he did see DH do it. Seven year olds have quite rigid thinking, autism comes with rigid thinking, so autistic seven year olds are not known for flexibility, theory of mind and seeing other possible perspectives.

Either your DH or your DS is going to have to be the grown-up here, and perhaps it shouldn't be the autistic seven year old who steps up.

QuickPeachPoet · 19/12/2025 23:13

Your son needs to stop lying and stop picking fights with adults and shouting - what if he does that with one of his teachers one day?
Your DH needs to grow up and stop sulking.

vanillalattes · 19/12/2025 23:13

Your husband is an arsehole.

ItsDarkNow · 19/12/2025 23:13

Does your husband like your child? Does he understand his neuro diversity ?

Pepperedpickles · 19/12/2025 23:14

wonder456 · 19/12/2025 23:12

Thankyou everyone for your replies...Yes my child does seem to really like him.. Generally he is really amazing with him and I have asked DS privately and he sais he really likes him:

we were in the room discussing the situation the three of us and DS said he didn't want to leave the room until it was resolved. But DH refused and said he wants an apology. I'm sure DH didn't rip the drawing but DS was just in an emotional state after a long day. He gets very overwhelmed and finds it very hard to regulate emotions...

Edited

I am betting one of the reasons he finds it hard to regulate is because your dh can’t regulate his either. It’s mirroring. (And yes I have a child with complex autism too).