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Original poster

Argument between 7yoDS and DH

105 replies

wonder456 · 19/12/2025 22:36

Sorry in advance for waffling message but want to get this right for my 7year old...

Tonight my 7yo DS and his step dad had an argument.. to cut a long story short DS (who is waiting for autism diagnosis (he gets very overwhelmed very quickly and very angry)) saw that his drawing ripped and accused DH (because apparently he was nearby when he found it) DH was very angry at this accusation...

DH was so very angry because he said DS said 'I saw him do it'... and so lied.. therefore should apologise and have a consequence for lying which is our no.1 family rule.

I've spoken to DS about this who keeps saying to me he doesn't think he said that and and can't really remember and gets very upset when I suggest he may have... but DH is pushing for a consequence and apology and said he won't speak to DS without.

DH also got very upset with me for taking DS's
side and not 'believing him' and said 'If you don't apologise I'll leave' to which I relied 'he can hear you' and he said 'I want him to hear'

Do I make DS apologise and give him a consequence? Sorry this is a lame post.. Don't know what to do...and want to get it right for my son... Thankyou in advance..

OP posts:
CheeseWisely · 19/12/2025 23:14

To get it right for your DS you tell your man child of a DH to pack his bags and do one. Surely that’s obvious?

ItsDarkNow · 19/12/2025 23:15

I am guessing that you are going to say you have a child with your husband?

Astra53 · 19/12/2025 23:15

I find it very concerning that your son is obviously distressed and your partner is aggressively pursuing a resolution. He should step back and help diffuse the situation. If he has offered to go, I would let him and make sure he doesn't come back. An adult behaving like this is not a good role model and it does not bode well for the future when your son is older and hormones kick in.

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7 year olds Families SEN
VikaOlson · 19/12/2025 23:16

wonder456 · 19/12/2025 23:12

Thankyou everyone for your replies...Yes my child does seem to really like him.. Generally he is really amazing with him and I have asked DS privately and he sais he really likes him:

we were in the room discussing the situation the three of us and DS said he didn't want to leave the room until it was resolved. But DH refused and said he wants an apology. I'm sure DH didn't rip the drawing but DS was just in an emotional state after a long day. He gets very overwhelmed and finds it very hard to regulate emotions...

Edited

Your DS can't regulate his emotions because he is a small boy with autism.
Why can't your DH regulate his emotions?

A normal person, if their 7 year old was upset about a ripped picture, would say ok I can see you're really upset about your picture, I'm sorry you think I ripped it but I didn't, do you need help to calm down or to fix your picture?

Not, you accused me of lying, I demand an apology, I won't speak to you, I'm going to leave.
He sounds like a child having a tantrum.

dicentra365 · 19/12/2025 23:17

DH was so very angry because he said DS said 'I saw him do it'... and so lied.. therefore should apologise and have a consequence for lying which is our no.1 family rule
I don't like this one little bit. Assuming he is autistic, his reality is probably going to look different to yours and you are going to be penalising the poor kid non- stop for things he either can't help or doesn't realise is wrong.
You're Dh sounds dreadful, pushing for a consequence for an overwhelmed child who is probably massively overtired and overstimulated by the end of term and doesn't know which was is up and which is down. It doesn't sound like either of your particularly understand autism, but your dh sounds grim, threatening to ignore a 7 year old. The answer to your actual question is that you don't give him a consequence or ask him to apologise, but you do speak to your dh about being more empathetic to your 7 year old and less of a child himself.

HaveYouFedTheFish · 19/12/2025 23:18

justforthisnow · 19/12/2025 22:41

Sounds like you have a DH problem. What kind of man behaves like this with a 7 year old child? And threatens to leave if he doesn't get an apology to something he may or may not have done (were there other witnesses?).

This - plus an adult giving a seven year old "the silent treatment" and saying he won't speak to the small child until said child capitulates/ child's mother forces child to capitulate to appease said man.

tinyspiny · 19/12/2025 23:20

So how did the drawing get ripped ?

TomatoSandwiches · 19/12/2025 23:22

Your DH is a problem, ge needs to go on an autistic parenting course or this behaviour will just get worse and worse, poor boy.

HaveYouFedTheFish · 19/12/2025 23:23

tinyspiny · 19/12/2025 23:20

So how did the drawing get ripped ?

I imagine there's a toddler in the house - surely OP is only sticking with the tantruming not-so-"D"H because they have a child together in addition to her seven year old...

MrsBungle · 19/12/2025 23:24

What an absolute drama over nothing. Kids say stupid stuff and lie all the time. The adults need to adult. This is absolutely ridiculous.

OttersMayHaveShifted · 19/12/2025 23:25

Your DS can't regulate his emotions because he is a small boy with autism.
Why can't your DH regulate his emotions?

This.

Alovelyhotbath · 19/12/2025 23:26

Sounds like your husband is bullying your 7yo..can't beleive you have even described it as ''an argument''.... he is 7!!

Original poster
wonder456 · 19/12/2025 23:26

I'm not sure re the ripping but I think it just got torn at some point.. DS was very distressed about the drawing in the first place as it was a delicate cut out/ game he'd made and he was getting very upset ever time he picked it up as it was fragile. I'm sure DH didn't touch it though..

Saying that I just went upstairs to get my earplugs from the bedroom where DH is and got the classic 'you're not well' and 'I really mean that' from DH...

OP posts:
sprigatito · 19/12/2025 23:27

Forced apologies are a terrible idea for autistic children, they generally have a very acute sense of justice (they’re not always right, but they are usually very definite about it!) and forcing words into their mouths just causes resentment and confusion. With any child, but even more so with an autistic child, the focus needs to be on developing empathy and relating behaviours to feelings - so helping them to understand how their actions impacted the other person, and how they might make amends. They need to learn to apologise spontaneously when they know they’re in the wrong, with an understanding of why they are doing so and the effect it may have on the injured party. Being forced or emotionally blackmailed into mouthing a symbolic apology because an angry, sulky man is blanking him - or threatening to leave - is the direct opposite. It’s stupid and pointless and your son won’t respect either of you if you go through with it.

Lamentingalways · 19/12/2025 23:32

wonder456 · 19/12/2025 23:26

I'm not sure re the ripping but I think it just got torn at some point.. DS was very distressed about the drawing in the first place as it was a delicate cut out/ game he'd made and he was getting very upset ever time he picked it up as it was fragile. I'm sure DH didn't touch it though..

Saying that I just went upstairs to get my earplugs from the bedroom where DH is and got the classic 'you're not well' and 'I really mean that' from DH...

He’s abusive OP - I’m sorry. I have one very similar and it started just like this. Please leave him, I wish I had a long time ago.

WelshRabBite · 19/12/2025 23:35

Do adults really argue with 7yr olds this way? Especially ND ones?

I’m saying this OP because I’m genuinely shocked your DH pushed it this far. Is this really the first time something like this has happened? Or have there been other red flags?

Surely you’re going to put your child first, aren’t you?

MCF86 · 19/12/2025 23:37

Your DH sounds like a big sulky baby.
He is an adult. He knows DS is 7. He also knows DS is potentially autistic which further impacts the difference there should be, but isn't, between their levels of emotional development/maturity.

ItsDarkNow · 19/12/2025 23:38

So he is now starting on you?
Abusive cunt. Do yourself and your little boy a favour and ditch him.

Eyeshadow · 19/12/2025 23:42

DH sounds very childish but you also seem like you use DS’s apparent ‘autism’ as an excuse for his behaviour.

DS very likely said what DH says he said.
DS very likely does not remember saying it.

DH is right, that DS should not have said it and DS needs to be reminded about lying and accusing people of things they haven’t done (this could cause massive problems in the future).

But DH needs to calm down and talk about this when DS is calm, else he’ll never learn.

DS needs to apologise for potentially saying something that wasn’t true and DH needs to give an olive branch and model mature behaviour by accepting his apology and saying that he understands as it may have been said in the heat of the moment.
DH can then help DS fix his painting and put it up on the wall.

HaveYouFedTheFish · 19/12/2025 23:45

wonder456 · 19/12/2025 23:26

I'm not sure re the ripping but I think it just got torn at some point.. DS was very distressed about the drawing in the first place as it was a delicate cut out/ game he'd made and he was getting very upset ever time he picked it up as it was fragile. I'm sure DH didn't touch it though..

Saying that I just went upstairs to get my earplugs from the bedroom where DH is and got the classic 'you're not well' and 'I really mean that' from DH...

Why is that classic? Do you mean he's implying you're mentally ill for not obeying him? That isn't a classic or remotely normal thing for a husband to say to his wife.

User18394111 · 19/12/2025 23:45

NuffSaidSam · 19/12/2025 22:47

Don't make DS apologise, your DH will leave as he's promised to and problem solved! Your ridiculous, childish, bully of a partner will be gone and you and your DS can have a nice life! Win win.

Seconded!!!

pizzaHeart · 19/12/2025 23:56

justforthisnow · 19/12/2025 22:41

Sounds like you have a DH problem. What kind of man behaves like this with a 7 year old child? And threatens to leave if he doesn't get an apology to something he may or may not have done (were there other witnesses?).

This ^
By the way your DS probably genuinely mistaken, he saw your DH near the drawing, maybe DH moved his hand or whatever and it looked like his drawing was touched. It’s the end of the term, children are tired and he is just 7.
Your DH is very wrong in his handling this. He needs to stay calm in disagreements and let you to handle them.

JLou08 · 19/12/2025 23:56

It sounds more like you're talking about 2 siblings. Absolutely pathetic that a grown adult even argues with a 7yo, never mind giving him the silent treatment and threatening to leave if he doesn't apologise. If I was in your situation, I'd be very worried about how DH will cope when DS is a teen, things get a whole lot more challenging then.

Anyahyacinth · 19/12/2025 23:58

DH sounds an awful bully that your son shouldn’t have to endure. Asking him whether he likes your DH is no way protect him..with the over reaction you’ve shared OP how could you expect him to to feel safe to share his feelings? Your son is 7 and needs your protection

Luckyingame · 19/12/2025 23:58

"Step Dad" is enough to read.
Yes, the man is the problem here.

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