Help me be rational about this please (stomach bug)

[QuietLurker]

I'm emetophobic and prone to fear the worst when it comes to stomach bugs so I could do so with some perspective on this...

We are due to spend Christmas with extended family next week ( basically two families staying with grandparents for a few days) and yesterday we heard that my 5 year old niece, who will also be staying there, has been vomiting all day. Given the time of year, it may well be norovirus. There is no way we can cancel the visit. Given there will have been nearly a week between her illness and us all staying together, if her parents aren't struck down by it too, is it possible that we can avoid all catching this? I'm looking for rational responses to set against me own catastrophic thinking (which is telling me we're all doomed!) Obviously we'll be handwashing, but the kids are all young and will be playing together. I'm feeling quite anxious and miserable about this now, but don't want to pass the worry on to my kids, who are so excited about a big family Christmas.

@arghnoi was going to ask the same thing when I read “former” emetophobe!

Probably Tuesday-Friday.

@QuietLurker and @ShesTheAlbatross - I hesitated a bit over writing "former" but I'm trying to stick to my guns on that! 😅

As a child/teen it was pretty consuming - I was constantly anxious about getting food poisoning or a sickness bug (even outside of "risky" situations) and followed various rituals that I thought would keep it at bay. Part of the issue was I was so rarely ill that I'd turned it into something much worse in my head.

With that in mind what really helped was being exposed to sickness a bit more (even just nights out as a student!) which demystified it a bit. I got to a point where I don't like being sick (who does) but can recognise the build up is normally much worse than the actual sickness, so not something to fear on a daily basis.

The bit I still find difficult now is having two DC, including a young baby. I get anxious about the idea of not being able to look after them properly through being ill myself but I think that is a bit more of a practical concern and hopefully will diminish a bit in time. Most adults I know without young children can't remember the last time/decade they were sick which is a consolation!

Sorry, appreciate that's very personal and there's not an obvious solution. This time of year is always so hard!

Thanks so much for sharing that @arghno . I'm very similar. For me, it's usually not so extreme that I let it prevent me from doing things (apart from going on boats, just can't face that). But then something like this comes up and I realise that it's a HUGE thing for me, that I'm really challenged by. Like, it's taking up all of my headspace now and threatening to ruin the whole holiday for me (the worry alone, let alone catching the bug!) and I know most people just wouldn't be thinking about it obsessively like this.

Aye you’ll be grand I’d say

I dont think you are abnormal at all @QuietLurker
It basic bloody common sense not to go

Not a cat in hells chance I would go
Just tell them you have Covid 😂

Yeah, I really don't think we can stay away. The rest of my family is happy to go, and it's several hours drive away, not just around the corner (hence we're staying for a few days). If I announced I was refusing to go next week because other family members have been ill this week, it would cause a huge upset and resentment. Like I said, if they're still actively ill, I'm sure they'd stay away, but if they've all been recovered for a couple of days, they won't see the issue. I'm just really hoping they recover quickly and then have a few days symptom free before we all gather 🤞🤞🤞

Not emetophobic but I have T1 diabetes and vomiting makes it very very difficult to control blood sugars. Worse, DH is on immunosuppressants and anti-rejection drugs - he can't afford to be throwing those up.

People being ill this week wouldn't bother me, but if anybody was still being actively.sick over the weekend, we wouldn't be going anywhere near them on Tuesday. I couldn't give a flying fuck if that upset people as our health is more important (to me) than someone else's hurty feelings.

Wait a minute! If they’re the ones with the bug, surely the onus is on THEM to stay away, not you?!

I work in a hospital and the advice is not to come in until 48 hours after last episode. You should be ok if your niece has been clear for 48 hours before you see her. Obviously you don’t know for sure if anyone else is about to be struck down with it but that could be the case with anyone at anytime. So unless you never leave the house and don’t allow anyone you live with to ever leave the house you can’t ever be sure you won’t get ill. Depends how you want your family to live their lives.

This is exactly what I was thinking. It shots me to tears when people insist on attending family gatherings knowing they are or have just been ill.
So selfish and usually explained away as 'just a bug's with no consideration for anyone else.
I work in oncology and find the selfishness of people astounding.
Esp something like noro which sheds etc like a PP said.
If they haven't had their 48 hours symptom free they shouldn't be bringing their plague to the party.
OP I'm really sorry this situation has arisen for you, esp at Christmas time. I hope it all goes your way

To be fair to them, they aren’t seeing family until Tuesday. So they will most likely be several days post symptoms by then. The adult came down with it Wednesday, so symptoms might well end today.

I have bad emetophobia so would happily enforce a 2 week isolation period! But in practice, most people wouldn’t consider 4/5 days after symptoms end to be an unreasonably short time, would they?

As someone who feels the same about sickness (who doesnt tbf) try putting in perspective, your children will be exposed every day they are in school at this time of year kids go down with it all over the place, even 48 hrs back (if the parents stick to it) they may still be shedding virus, thats how its started in your family. At least you are aware of this bout and as long as they give a few days clear and you carry on being sensible about washing hands etc you will be fine.

I would have thought they wouldn't go themselves unless they were totally better so I wouldn't worry too much. Most people would feel awful if they gave their family norovirus over Christmas - especially if there is anyone elderly/ vulnerable due to be there too. The usual rule in 48 hours after the last bout isn't it according to the NHS and then good hand hygiene after that just in case.

They should not be going to anyone else’s house until they have not vomited for 48 hours.
They should stay in their own house to protect everyone else.

Update: they had all been totally better for four days, so we went ahead and met up. Mistake. My DC1 ended up getting sick on Boxing Day and then DC2 and DH got sick two days later. I am now waiting miserably for my turn...

To be symptom free for four days and still pass it on seems like really bad luck. I’d be suspicious that one of them still had diarrhoea or they’d exaggerated the time frame to “save Christmas” , but I guess you’d never know for certain and it’s done now. Fingers crossed for you OP, my husband had D&V before xmas and somehow none of us caught it

I'm washing my hands like a maniac, and DH is confining himself to one bathroom and the bedroom. I'll be sleeping on the sofa bed. It seems impossible to avoid, though! Everyone else has had it and I feel like a sitting duck

I've also been making liberal use of your namesakes @clinellwipe

The silver lining is that IF you do get it at least kids and DH have already had it, so he can look after them whilst you focus on yourself! I think the worst case scenario would be you being unwell at same time as the kids

Hopefully you will have learnt that it is better to upset people than put yourself and your family at risk. No way in hell would i have spent xmas with people who i knew had recently had norovirus. Also they sound like unreasonable people to be upset about someone cancelling due to illness - anyone reasonable would be understanding of a need to cancel.

Have you managed to stay clear of it, OP?

So far... but DH only had it Sunday night/Monday morning, so there's still time 😬