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Original poster

Should I just pay for this?

121 replies

Eastie77Returns · 16/12/2025 14:01

It’s Xmas jumper day at DS’ school today. I completely forgot and only realised when I checked the class WhatsApp this morning. One mum mentioned she had forgotten so I replied to her saying not to worry, I also forgot but DS is fine about it and will be just wearing a Santa hat (unlike DD, DS is very chill about dress-up days etc at school). Another class mum then messaged me privately to say she had a spare jumper if DS would like to wear it? I said thanks but didn’t think DS was too bothered but she said it would be nice for him to wear it as someone was planning to take a class picture of all the kids dressed up. So we met at the school gate, she handed over the jumper and told DS to put it on in class. I thanked her and said (this is relevant) that I’d wash and return it to her.

I now have a message from her asking if I’d like to pay for it via Monzo otherwise a bank transfer is fine. The jumper is £17.99. The cost isn’t an issue but I’m a bit WTF as thought I was borrowing it?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 16/12/2025 14:02

Sorry my question is I have no idea how to politely word the fact I thought it was a loan so I guess I should just pay up??

OP posts:
WilderHawthorn · 16/12/2025 14:04

Thank you for the loan, we don’t need to buy it as DS has other jumpers. I’ll return it when I’ve washed it - Easter

murasaki · 16/12/2025 14:04

I would totally have assumed it was a loan. How tricky. I'd probably end up paying out of embarrassment with is pathetic of me.

I guess you could say 'oh, I've just popped it in the wash,will drop it back ASAP and ignore her money message.

DeanStockwell · 16/12/2025 14:04

CFer ! ( her not you)
I'd reply with;
Thank you very much for the loan of the jumper , I will wash and return it on x date.

12345onceIcaughta · 16/12/2025 14:05

sounds like she pushed you to have it and never said the word “buy”
did it still have tags on?
if not I’d just say sorry I was happy for ds not to bother and would never have agreed to pay if you’d make it clear.

ForLoveNotMoney · 16/12/2025 14:08

I don’t need to buy it but thanks for the offer. I’ll return clean tomorrow morning.

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 16/12/2025 14:10

“I wish you had said that you were offering it for sale when I said this morning that I would wash it and send it back. I would have let you hang on to it to sell to someone else. As I said I’ll get it back to you once washed.”

Remind her of your conversation so she knows you know she’s being a cheeky mare!

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 17/12/2025 10:13

I wrote back saying oh so sorry didn’t realise it was for sale. Hope it’s ok if I wash and return as I mentioned I would?

She replied a while later saying the jumper was brand new so yes, she was selling it (it did look brand new and still had a tag on it but the price bit was removed). She ended the message saying if paying is really a problem she will take it back.

I now feel so awkward I think I’ll just pay. Arghh. I find these kind of parent interactions can be such a minefield. There is a separate drama playing out on the WhatsApp over a group Xmas present for his teacher. Two years WW3 broke out on DD’s Y6 class chat over the cost of leaver hoodies. Can’t wait for DS to leave primary school so I can leave this all behind!

OP posts:
Silvercoconut · 17/12/2025 10:20

Noooooo! Don't pay!
I absolutely would not- at NO TIME did she say she was selling the sweater.
You actually initially refused it.
She's trying it on big time.

Ignore the if cost is an issue comment, she's trying to embarrass you into paying.
Wash and return.

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 17/12/2025 10:23

Do not pay!! She said she had a jumper DS could wear, not that she had one for sale!

TeenToTwenties · 17/12/2025 10:25

Don't pay!

Lindy2 · 17/12/2025 10:27

Stick to your guns. You said you didn't need a jumper. She insisted he wear her one without mentioning anything about you buying it.

I'd just reply - "I'll bring it back to you tomorrow morning. DS really doesn't need a Christmas jumper as he won't wear it again. Sorry I assumed it was a loan rather than for sale."

She knows she's being pushy and she knows no one really wants to buy her jumper for £17.99.

CandyCaneKisses · 17/12/2025 10:28

She’s pulling a fast one. Just wash it and give it back after telling her you had no idea it was for sale.

SparkleSpriteDust · 17/12/2025 10:30

What a bloody cheek.

No, I would not pay it and would ask her where her Christmas spirit is?

luckylavender · 17/12/2025 10:31

Post for it this once. Then you have her number.

ShesTheAlbatross · 17/12/2025 10:32

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 16/12/2025 14:10

“I wish you had said that you were offering it for sale when I said this morning that I would wash it and send it back. I would have let you hang on to it to sell to someone else. As I said I’ll get it back to you once washed.”

Remind her of your conversation so she knows you know she’s being a cheeky mare!

Yes this - she knew what she was doing when she didn’t mention wanting paying at the point you said you’d wash and return. She’s banking on you feeling too awkward to say no!

DappledThings · 17/12/2025 10:32

Do not pay. Say you're sorry there has been a misunderstanding (there hasn't, she's trying it on but it puts it back on her) but you only agreed to borrow a jumper at her suggestion, you were never buying it so will be returning as planned.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 17/12/2025 10:33

I would probably pay to avoid the awkwardness because I hate anything like this... but you really shouldn't reward her poor behaviour. Could you go back with something along the following lines:

"I do apologise for any misunderstanding but it really wasn't clear to me that you were wanting to sell the jumper and I am afraid we wouldn't have accepted it on that basis - as I said in response to your initial offer, ds really wasn't that bothered about the dress-up day in any case, and was quite happy to go in with just his santa hat. Ultimately, we accepted the jumper on the understanding that it was a kind loan. I'll pop it in the wash and get it back to you asap, and hopefully you'll be able to sell it on Vinted or something. Many thanks."

KarminaBurana · 17/12/2025 10:33

What an absolute nerve! The charity shops are full of Christmas jumpers, she's pulling a fast one.

TY78910 · 17/12/2025 10:34

HUH

isthesolution · 17/12/2025 10:36

I cannot believe how rude people are!

I’d just wash and give the jumper back to your child to give to her child. And message and say ‘sorry for the misunderstanding- I’ve given the jumper back to (child). Have a lovely Xmas’

Poppingby · 17/12/2025 10:38

If she seems skint and you're not I would just pay it at this time of year. Otherwise 'OK thanks!' is the right reply and return it.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 17/12/2025 10:45

Poppingby · 17/12/2025 10:38

If she seems skint and you're not I would just pay it at this time of year. Otherwise 'OK thanks!' is the right reply and return it.

Why?? She afforded the jumper in the first place, and could’ve taken it back for a refund if she was that skint.

So many wet lettuce people pleasers on here.

KarminaBurana · 17/12/2025 10:46

Good grief, don't pay. She didn't say it was for sale. She implied a loan.

Poppingby · 17/12/2025 10:49

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 17/12/2025 10:45

Why?? She afforded the jumper in the first place, and could’ve taken it back for a refund if she was that skint.

So many wet lettuce people pleasers on here.

Show quote history

That was so rude. I can be a wet lettuce people pleaser if I want. Especially if it means someone's kid gets a present at Christmas and I can afford it (I don't know this scenario is true. I'm saying if it seems like it could be true).

So many rude black-and-white-thinkers on here.