Should I just pay for this?

[Eastie77Returns]

It’s Xmas jumper day at DS’ school today. I completely forgot and only realised when I checked the class WhatsApp this morning. One mum mentioned she had forgotten so I replied to her saying not to worry, I also forgot but DS is fine about it and will be just wearing a Santa hat (unlike DD, DS is very chill about dress-up days etc at school). Another class mum then messaged me privately to say she had a spare jumper if DS would like to wear it? I said thanks but didn’t think DS was too bothered but she said it would be nice for him to wear it as someone was planning to take a class picture of all the kids dressed up. So we met at the school gate, she handed over the jumper and told DS to put it on in class. I thanked her and said (this is relevant) that I’d wash and return it to her.

I now have a message from her asking if I’d like to pay for it via Monzo otherwise a bank transfer is fine. The jumper is £17.99. The cost isn’t an issue but I’m a bit WTF as thought I was borrowing it?!

It sounds like she's being ridiculous, unless the original message said anything about buying/selling/price?

CF! She deliberately tried to trick you into paying. I reckon she left it too late to return the jumper or thought she could save going into town if she could con you into "refunding" her instead.

She did not say "buy/sell" and your response "thanks I'll wash and return" makes it very clear the terms upon which you took the jumper (temporary loan).

I almost had this with some baby clothes. Another mum kept banging on about the lovely clothes she'd saved from her daughter which would be perfect for my baby, she would bring them next time. I tried to be polite even though I was absolutely deluged with second hand clothes from kind friends already. Then she said something to the mum the other side about looking forward to getting a bit of extra cash for Christmas and I twigged that she was proposing to sell them to me but had avoided directly saying so. I was able to retrieve the position and say actually, so sorry, I just don't have room for any more but thanks anyway. If she had turned up with the bags, put them in my hands and asked for cash it would have been a lot more awkward.

Can you say thr exact wording of her initial offer?

There doesn't need to be melodrama and OP shouldn't pay. The woman had several opportunities to make clear she was selling the jumper and how much she wanted for it. She didn't so she can't turn round now and start asking for money for it.
I quite like your message though and OP could use it but leave out the bit at the end because obviously the CF would prefer OP to pay and I don't see why OP should have to.
"As you know, DS was happy not to wear the jumper: It isnt about affordability, it's that he didnt want the jumper. We accepted it under the assumption it was a loan, hence saying Id wash it and return it to you. I'll send it in to school with X tomorrow to give to your son. Thanks for lending it to us

Id pay it but Id tell her she was out of order as she 100% led me to believe I was borrowing it, not buying it.

You got suckered. Note it the next time she offers anything that way. These people rely on you not saying anything and paying up

Seriously give her it back, front out the awkwardness. Tell her that she should have said upfront if she wanted money.

@Eastie77Returns tell her your mum has already bought one- just hasn't given it yet. You thought she was letting your son borrow the jumper for the photo. CF. Tell her she ought to have said upfront that it was for sale. Give her a pound for the "rent" if she insists.

Pay for it and send her a box of chocolates. Then ask for payment for them afterwards.

All of this.

The resale value of any novelty child's jumper is not £18!

If she's that skint she had a few options:
a) not buy it in the first place
b) clearly tell the OP it was for sale and how much she wanted for it
c) try to sell it somewhere else

It's not the OP's problem if she's skint. She's a CF who tried to pull a fast one on the OP by tricking her into buying the jumper and for that reason the OP should not pay for the damn thing, no matter how skint the CF is.

This is a great response.

I am such a people pleaser that I know I’d just pay it to make the problem go away.

But I wish I was the sort of person who would send the above!

She is trying it on with you.

You made a mistake in ASKING her if it was okay to return it clean. You needed to TELL her.

Stop messaging her and walk up to her and retun it washed. A quick 'here is the jumper thanks bye' will suffice. If she tries to complain then apologise for being in a rush and walk off.

Do not get into an endless phone messaging exchange with her. It is not necessary and no good will come from it.

This!

beyond cheeky when you initially didn’t even want it and then she pressed the issue.

she is also 100% trying to embarrass and shame you into paying by saying “if paying is really an issue”. Definitely just hand back over clean with a smile and quick thanks. Do not feel awkward or guilty about it.

No don’t pay her. There was no misunderstanding. If she had wanted to sell it to you she would have messaged ‘I’ve got a Xmas jumper for your dc you can have for a tenner if you want it?’ She didn’t mention price. She didn’t tell you she was selling it. Just return the jumper washed and ironed and dont enter into any discussion with the cf. Next time she might try this same thing on with someone who genuinely couldn’t afford to buy it from her - especially when she doesn’t explain she is actually selling it.

Don’t send her a long message - simply state ‘no thanks we won’t be purchasing it from you as you never said it was for sale. It will be washed and returned to you tomorrow’

I agree that there wasn't a misunderstanding. She's hoodwinked you.

That’s insane!

Message was just “Hi, if [my DS] doesn’t have a jumper I’ve got a spare one he can have”

I replied he was fine just wearing his Santa hat and her following message was “aw ok, just don’t want him to miss out” referring to the Xmas jumper class picture (something I’ve never heard of tbh).

She handed DS the jumper at the school gate and I did notice the label was still attached (price bit missing) so I removed that and we walked the boys into class. We chatted for about 2 mins and as she was walking away I said I’d wash and return it to her before school breaks up. She just smiled and waved goodbye so genuinely not sure if she heard in the noisy playground?!

DS is friends with her boy and I just can’t stand this kind of awkwardness. I get what everyone is saying but told DP I feel like £17.99 is small price to pay for my peace of mind as I will otherwise dread seeing her all the time on the school run. He rolled his eyes, muttered something about English people and crazy politeness (he is from south of Europe) and said he’ll give her the jumper himself when he picks DS up lol.

That's a great idea. Get him to give her the jumper. I imagine she won't be so cheeky to him. She knows exactly what she was doing, otherwise she would have been clear or told you the price in advance. Don't be sucked in to this. She's in the wrong and she knows it.

Your DP is correct! She foisted it on you, you didn’t even want it. I don’t even believe it cost £18.99 to begin with: do an image search I bet she bought it for a tenner!

”Sorry there has clearly been a misunderstanding here: I had no idea you were expecting me to pay you £18.99 for the jumper I never would have accepted it if that was the case.”

just tell her firmly - At NO point did you say the jumper was for sale/you were selling it! At NO point did I agree to pay for it because you didn’t tell me the first things!! You made out it was a nice thing you were doing lending my son this jumper and I MADE it CLEAR it wasn’t necessary and wasn’t bothered it was YOU who pushed it on us!!

But she didn't say anything about buying it when you said you'd wash and return it?! She purposely trapped you into buying it! Unless doesn't want you to wash it, to keep the tag on?! Just wash it and return it to her. You can send a message, thank you so much for letting us borrow the jumper, it was very kind of you. I can wash and return it or give it back without washing if you're wanting the tag still on it?! Do not pay her any money.

Yes, it was a strategy!

I really hope your DP gives her the jumper back! I can’t see how to interpret this any other way than her tricking you into buying it. Although I maybe would have said something when I saw the tag was still on (like “oh it’s brand new? Thanks for lending it to us!)

Don't pay! She's absolutely scamming you if she didn't discuss payment in advance.

OP, something similar happened to me. My DD went to her friends house and when I came to collect her she was wearing a tracksuit that her friend had given her. Friends mum came to the door and I thanked her and she said “I will send you my bank details for the £20”
Uh?!!! I asked my DD to see what was said and she said her friend giffed it to her! I didn’t pay purely on principle. You don’t do that. Don’t pay. She’s a CF