Are families really expected to pay for care home fees?

[Whatsituation]

I always thought it was paid for by savings or property owned by the person or if they had neither then paid by the government?

Dh has been telling me how if MIL/FIL ever needs to go into a home his siblings will expect us to contribute along with them for a ‘better’ home?? I’ve said no that’s not happening and it won’t be a better one just the same I assume but they will
habe money coming in from various places for each resident it’s not like there are council care home and private ones I assumed the council fund spaces wherever they are ?

He’s said I’m being unkind but there’s no way I’m spending money on care fees for his parents !

My Aunt did not have a bath/shower or toilet in her room. She just had a sink. It was of no consequence to her as she wore nappies and was changed by staff who took everything away with them. She couldn’t walk into an en-suite. When she showered she was taken by the staff into the shower room in a wheelchair. We did ask about moving her to an en suite but were told that the en suite rooms were smaller and she wouldn’t be able to use one anyway.

It may not be as expensive as you fear. Costs vary widely across the country, but where I live the disparity between the cost of a reasonably nice care home and what the LA will pay is some £300-£400 per week. So roughly £1200-£1600 a month. Their state pension should pay around £900 of this (?) leaving £300-£700 a month top up - split between 4 children
(NB these figures are for one person of course - I don't know how it would work for a couple).

However, you are right, this could be a long term commitment and costs will go up every year.

@MrsJeanLuc no, the person's pension is already used up in the original council calculation. So it's not available for a top up.

Yes. I think in practice there are very few people funded by the LA in care homes who are capable physically and mentally of getting themselves to the bathroom on their own. So the question of en suite, sole use, rarely arises.

The brutal truth is that if you have no money the LA will do whatever they can to avoid having to fund you in a care facility as it is cheaper to keep you at home with four 15 minute visits a day. That is why there are so many unsafe discharges to the original residence. Where people have dementia and are dangerous they will start by disconnecting/disabling the gas and electricity controls to stop the person mis-using them. They also put child locks on cupboards/taps etc. They will omly move someone to a care home as a very last resort after several falls and or being found wandering the streets.

They have on occasions removed destitute self funders from a care facility back to their own home becuase they consider it sufficient to meet needs.

My MIL has been in a residential home for over 10 years. She has no assets, no savings, never thought about providing for herself. Her state pension pays for some of it, they leave her pocket money. The local council pay the remainder. The home is lovely. She recently had to move to this current home as her needs were more as she got older. The social worker asked us if we were in a position to contribute, having always paid it all themselves. No was the answer as we are both retired and our money is limited. They still pay and found her a suitable new home which is really lovely and she is happy there. They may ask, but you are under no obligation.

Yeah my sister is in Scotland and her mother in law is in a care home and this was her experience too. She was ranting about it recently.

Oh! Thank you for the clarification.

I do feel for the op. I think it's a big ask when you have your own family to think about.

No. Legally, you cannot be made to pay for another person's care. Their savings and property are used until they reach the various thresholds, at which point it becomes the responsibility of the LA. Don't be bullied into paying. Unless you are very wealthy, it will devastated your finances.
ETA: Age Uk website has lots of fantastic Factsheets about care and how it is funded.

If parents have money or a home they have to pay if they are the last survivor.
When parent’s money is gone , some homes charge more than the council will pay, so they try to get children to pay top up , even when any inheritance is gone. We were quoted 400 per week on top of what council would pay. But they cannot force you, so do not sign a contract, so council will have to sort it, though it may men a move for parent. In our experience, the more money parent has the less help they get

When someone goes into a private CH in the area where my relatives live, there has to be evidence provided to the CH of the elderly person’s ability to pay for three years. At £2200 per week, or £110k per year that is a lot of cash.

If the person cannot show this, relatives have to guarantee the payments.

Otherwise, the person goes into a state funded CH which is presumably not as nice.