Are families really expected to pay for care home fees?

[Whatsituation]

I always thought it was paid for by savings or property owned by the person or if they had neither then paid by the government?

Dh has been telling me how if MIL/FIL ever needs to go into a home his siblings will expect us to contribute along with them for a ‘better’ home?? I’ve said no that’s not happening and it won’t be a better one just the same I assume but they will
habe money coming in from various places for each resident it’s not like there are council care home and private ones I assumed the council fund spaces wherever they are ?

He’s said I’m being unkind but there’s no way I’m spending money on care fees for his parents !

So hypothetically - if you fund one of DH’s parents, what happens if the other then needs care too? And then what happens if one or both of YOUR parents need care? Fund all four of them??

In that case either the family makes a contribution towards the fees so they have some choice about where they go or they rely on the local authority to pay in which case they go where they are placed, like it or not.

There can be a choice, if social care are involved, they can give you a choice of homes that have LA funded vacancies. Usually no more than 3 options

Yep but with the odd exception you won’t like them. It’s virtually impossible to provide nice facilities, meaningful activities, good food and great care at the fee levels LAs are willing to pay. Doesn’t mean many homes don’t do their very best but it’s very hard.

The full fee payers are living in the same homes as the LA ones. All care homes have a mixture of LA and private

They really all don’t only those not good enough to get enough people to pay full fees. Why would any business accept giving LA’s a large discount if they didn’t have to. I’ll drop out now as I don’t want to out myself. Suffice to say this is one subject I know a lot about from personal, professional experience. I know I wouldn’t want to be reliant on LA funded care for myself or any family member.

Actually, many care homes only accept self funders. They may keep them on at LA rates if their money runs out. But not always.

Now you looking at around 8k to 12k a month....savings and property wont last long....my late aunt told me i was to be her only beneficiary...around 650k estate...after many years in a nice home where she was happy i got left around 27k..thats all that was left....her money...her life...

@bumblebee1000 absolutely. No one has a right to an inheritance. I am lucky cos stuff is already being passed over but I have made sure any discussion with my DPs takes into consideration that there needs to be will more than enough for both DP’s to live in a home in the lap of luxury even after they have done what they have done. Of course, that will mean a lot of inheritance tax if it doesn’t get spent but it has to be there for them. It’s their money. It’s not my right.

Because in time they might need those savings for their own care.

Or they might want to use the savings to give their children, you know, the family they chose to have, a better life.

I do subsidise my mum to some extent as she's been hard up in the past (not so bad now) but if there was an expectation that I would clear my savings to pay for a care home for her, she'd be disabused of that very quickly. I would help with things like a gardener or care in the home, but not £1500 a week fees!

I know this. When my dad was assessed they said of he exceeds the required amount then he has to be reassessed. As they paid for his care his pension increased so after a year he was reassessed and because he had over the amount he had to start paying again

Would feel the same if it was YOUR parents ?

The care home I work in cheapest room is £1530 a week. That’s a single room with wash basin and the residents use a shared bathroom

I'd wonder if it's worth the siblings buying a flat / bungalow for the parents to live in that's conveniently located for at least some of the siblings to visit.

If they can be supported at home with social care funding + family support the total cost for the siblings is likely to be less than topping up care home fees and there's a flat / bungalow that can be expected to increase in value to be sold after their deaths.

Also worth actually looking at a care home covered entirely by social care funding - how bad is it really?

Agree re unfair to you with good financial planning but equally the siblings won't want to see their parents in a horrible care home.

My DM very recently died at her care home, where she was
well looked after and the fees were £7,500 per month.

So, if there’s four siblings your quarter would be £1,875 per month. That’d be for one of his parents. Is that a realistic financial burden for you, baring in mind that it could go on for years and years? And then what about if his second parent also requires care? It’s like throwing money into a black hole. This is why life savings evaporate, houses are sold and the proceeds just drain away.

I haven’t read this thread but just to educate you the government will absolutely exhaust all earnings the elderly person has before they will intervene. And then they’ll probably be sent to an abusive care home. My best friends mum is in a care home and is currently being exploited by an ambulance chasing lawyer who goes around care homes asking dementia patients who don’t even know where they are whether they want to be where they are. It’s causing my
friend an absolute nightmare journey whilst he tries to care for his mum who he loves so much she doesn’t even know what country she is in.

I agree with this. I hope you never need care for yourself.

Actually you are very wrong there are Council Run Nursing Homes and Private ones and some are run very well and others not so well both Council and Private

you sound VERY SELFISH and NAIVE!!!!!!!

Not always. I’ve worked as agency in a mix of care homes and the council ones are often lovely. They’re not being run to turn a profit. They’re more competitive to get a job at and it’s difficult to get a place at one for an elderly relative. Often people end up in private care homes because there’s no space at the council ones. I imagine it varies by area, but from my experience private is worse, unless it’s a particularly posh (expensive).

There are not a lot of council run homes, most have been sold off. So it'll likely be the private sector. There are few homes which charge the fees that local authorities can afford.

Were your PiL in a position to save for provision? The way elder care is financed has come as a shock to many older people who expected "cradle to gave support".

Yes it is hard. Your SiL is the one supporting them at the moment. I expect your husband & other siblings will want to support their parents too It is the level that needs to be negotiated.

And maybe start planning now for your own elder care.

Yes people are expected to fund their own care until they can no longer afford to. Why would they not be?
if there is any truth in the “ambulance chasing lawyer” story then I suggest an urgent safeguarding referral is done regarding your friend’s mum.

Care homes have different rules. The best ones refuse to put a charge on property and fees must be paid monthly which is how they’re able to be so good as they have a regular cashflow

I absolutely would not be topping up, even if I could. My mum is in a care home, it costs over £1000 a week. She is part funded now her own savings have dwindled below the threshold but she has the same room, same care and same facilities she had when she was fully self funding as she does now, and still will if she becomes fully funded by the local authority. The majority of care homes are mixed provision and the care does not differ. Fully private homes will be a lot more pricey than £1000 a week. I don't think people realise just how expensive it is.

You have to be careful passing cash and property, they can declare deprivation of assets if not done very early on...years before anyone goes to a home...my aunt did sign 51% of her house over to me about 30 years before going into the home, the social workers did sniff around but could not claim any of the house as was signed over to me so many years previously.

Prices are shocking
1400 A WEEK it costs for my auntie to be in hers.