Negative feedback on pick up twice in a week

[Amy8]

DD is in Year 1 and has a quite strict teacher. This time the issue raised was “pinching”, and last time it was being a bit “controlling” in the playground.

I’ve asked a couple of parents whose DC she plays with and they’ve not noticed anything worrying. Their kids are fine with her and haven’t mentioned anything at home either.

DD herself is really happy at school — loves her class, comes out smiling, and even likes the teacher. I just wish the feedback we get felt a bit more balanced rather than always focusing on negatives.

We’ve reinforced boundaries at home, and I even told her off in front of the teacher. We also realised on one incident the friend did it back and wasn’t the say the teacher said it happened - so it’s hard to know what’s actually happened.

Is this just normal parenting stuff at this age, or something we should be more concerned about?

We’re more than ready for the holidays!
(please be kind with comments)

Sorry, unengaged.

Your kid is going to have teachers she and you like, and teachers she doesn't. But whether you like this teacher or not, and whether you deem this teacher to be happy and engaged or not, this teacher has brought to your attention that your daughter is pinching other kids and you need to focus on that first. Don't ignore the message just because you don't like messenger, as Shakespeare so nearly said.

Your kid pinches other kids, That's your focus, Not whether this woman is fulfilled in her job or popular with other parents. Tell your kid to stop it, because whatever anyone else does first, you don't pinch.

In fact though the fact that this thread title positions the issue as that you've been given 'negative feedback twice in a week' rather than, say 'DD has misbehaved at school twice in a week' kind of tells us what we need to know, does it not?

When your child pinches another, that probably does hurt.

It was unlikely asking a parent on the spot that they would openly say your child has been causing issues. Hth.

Who told you that the other girl snatched something? Children can and do lie. DD might not have been telling the truth

you never did? If so, at what age are you supposed to learn it isn't an adequate way to express your anger? surely at 5, we need to encourage and nurture her into this -

Ehrm no. You don't need to "encourage and nurture" a child into not hurting another child. It's a firm and stern no to that.

but teacher said she pulled him down. He's enormous! she's a wee little girl, youngest in year.

It doesn't matter- she doesn't get a free pass on hurting other children just because she's "a wee little girl".

anyway, not going to win or garner sympathy and i think i'll continue nurturing my child, teaching her yes it was wrong but to communicate rather than be physical and pray her teacher softens a little.

I hope for the the other children that the teacher doesn't soften.

the bottom of my mind i think she doesn't love her job - she is always miserable in fact

Dealing with naughty children and parents in denial will have that effect upon you..

Hi,

I do think parents and teachers need to be on the same page.
The parents have told off the child for pinching, so am not able to answer your second question.

Yeah, I wasn't assuming you would be able to make a meaningful contribution to a discussion. Thank you for trying though.

This is the age when you do need to give reminders about behaviour. As others have pointed out it is normal for them to still act impulsively and pinch or play rough, but most schools do not encourage this behaviour and clearly your daughter has stood out for repeatedly making a poor choice.

Your point about her being popular and other mums not agreeing with the teacher is pretty meaningless. I have worked with some very tricky children who when triggered will lash out, hitting or kicking whoever is closest to them and swearing (and yes these are also 4-5 year olds), yet these children still have lots of friends and children who want to play with them despite being hurt by them.

I would listen to the teacher and check in with your DD each day about her play times. Give her reminders of what to do if someone is mean to her (tell an adult) rather than pinching back.

Start your own thread and I’ll support you too.

I’ve never had negative feedback about my DD, I do think it takes something worth reporting for them to mention it though.

Unless your daughter managed to do one pinch right in front of the teacher, the fact the teaching is taking it seriously enough to report it to you means it's not a one off and it IS a problem. Stop ignoring your child's behaviour and trying to blame the teacher.

No was a one off

stop jumping to conclusions

Teacher apologised today! She got her facts wrong and as the kid who provoked my daughter bit another kid !!

I feel so vindicated as I know she’s not vicious

Convenient.

Ok