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Original poster

Negative feedback on pick up twice in a week

117 replies

Amy8 · 10/12/2025 19:58

DD is in Year 1 and has a quite strict teacher. This time the issue raised was “pinching”, and last time it was being a bit “controlling” in the playground.

I’ve asked a couple of parents whose DC she plays with and they’ve not noticed anything worrying. Their kids are fine with her and haven’t mentioned anything at home either.

DD herself is really happy at school — loves her class, comes out smiling, and even likes the teacher. I just wish the feedback we get felt a bit more balanced rather than always focusing on negatives.

We’ve reinforced boundaries at home, and I even told her off in front of the teacher. We also realised on one incident the friend did it back and wasn’t the say the teacher said it happened - so it’s hard to know what’s actually happened.

Is this just normal parenting stuff at this age, or something we should be more concerned about?

We’re more than ready for the holidays!
(please be kind with comments)

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy8 · 10/12/2025 21:24

ShyTealBiscuit · 10/12/2025 21:18

Ok OP, carry on ignoring your DD's behaviour and blaming the teacher. Enjoy watching it escalate until you get to the point where you've raised a bully.

Sorry but, as someone who's kids are always kind to others and just get through school behaving themselves, parents like you really annoy me. My DS is being bullied by another boy in his class who's parents think their DC can do no wrong. And guess what....the first incident was pinching in Y1.

She’s 5 Confused
i am raising her exactly as you are yours
I told her off for pinching and the other one incident

what are you doing to make yourself a better parent than I ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy8 · 10/12/2025 21:25

Buscobel · 10/12/2025 21:13

You wanted people to be kind and I don’t think you’ve had the responses you wanted.

You e made a quite negative decision about your child’s teacher, despite the fact that you say your daughter likes her and likes school.

I agree that you need a serious conversation with your daughter and if there are things that need addressing, better now than later. You do seem to be quite defensive and it will be in everyone’s interests to develop a positive relationship with the teacher, so you can work together to give your daughter a positive experience.

I’ve told her off - so what next ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy8 · 10/12/2025 21:26

WimpoleHat · 10/12/2025 21:06

Look - I know this must be hard to hear, but in my experience, private school teachers are especially bad at brushing things under the carpet or minimising these kind of incidents (because it’s in their interest to keep everyone happy). I would suspect that the teacher speaking to you means there has been some sort of complaint from another parent; I can’t believe that she would speak to you in the very first instance. (Fair play to her if she did - much better to address these things directly rather than let it build up into a huge issue.)

No I asked if she’s had a complaint ! She definitely can’t lie right now? She said she hadn’t

or would she say she hadn’t when she has

how confusing !

OP posts:

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momtoboys · 10/12/2025 21:26

Amy8 · 10/12/2025 20:54

Thanks mums net
missed the be kind bit

she is 5 years old and has never hurt a child - and no child has complained or cried about being hurt

i don’t think she likes my child

Oh, dear...read the room.

Original poster
Amy8 · 10/12/2025 21:26

The incident was with her best friend
i marched her over to apologise
and her friend laughed and said it was the other day not today

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy8 · 10/12/2025 21:28

momtoboys · 10/12/2025 21:26

Oh, dear...read the room.

Show quote history

Did you read my updates ? I’ve taken advice I’ve told my daughter off - I’ve reminded of boundaries but nowhere have I evidence someone has complained - I asked the teacher

OP posts:
ThisLittlePony · 10/12/2025 21:31

So is she pinching which needs to be addressed, or is the teacher lying?

Wowzel · 10/12/2025 21:34

Amy8 · 10/12/2025 20:54

She’s in private
only 12 kids

Show quote history

At private school this usually means other parents have complained.

easytoremember · 10/12/2025 21:34

OP, in your original post you asked if this behaviour was something you should be concerned about. Is that what you want an answer to? I'm confused!!

SirChenjins · 10/12/2025 21:37

Honestly OP, try not to let this get to you. It's just one of these things and many children push the boundaries at school - this is just a bit of a heads-up from the teacher so that you can both keep an eye on it, which is the right thing to do. Regardless of what some posters will tell you, she won't grow up to be a bully, you're not the worst parent in the world, the other parents don't hate you, and neither does the teacher. Raising 3 children into adulthood has taught me this with both my own DC and their friends. It's hard not to take it personally when it's your own precious cherub though, especially if it's your first born and you're navigating your first few years of being a parent of a school pupil.

If I were you I'd step away from MN, go and make yourself a cup of tea, crack open the custard creams, and repeat after me - this too shall pass 😊

ShyTealBiscuit · 10/12/2025 21:37

Amy8 · 10/12/2025 21:24

She’s 5 Confused
i am raising her exactly as you are yours
I told her off for pinching and the other one incident

what are you doing to make yourself a better parent than I ?

Edited
Show quote history

You've glazed over your DD's behaviour and shifted it onto the teacher being strict.

Telling her off once is not enough. You need to address these things with your DD day in day out. Talking to her about being kind, not hurting others, basically guide her in how to treat others. If you carry on assuming that your DD couldn't possibly be doing anything that bad and blaming the teacher for being too strict then it will only get worse. You need to take it seriously.

ShyTealBiscuit · 10/12/2025 21:40

Also, the little boy who picks on my DS was only 5 when he started being mean to him. We're now at the point where he's kicking him, pushing him into things, digging his nails in to his skin to the point he's bleeding, taking his glasses off his face and throwing them in the bin etc.

It escalates if it's not nipped in the bud.

Heidi2018 · 10/12/2025 21:54

My daughter was been on the receiving end of the incidents from the "socialable nice child that everyone loves" who just so happens to be her best friend. Our daughter is a quiet little thing and she never complained about it or cried about it until it was reported to us by someone else. I'd have really appreciated if her teachers spoke to her parents, instead we had to speak to them ourselves. It didn't impact their friendship and thankfully stopped.

Original poster
Amy8 · 10/12/2025 22:03

Heidi2018 · 10/12/2025 21:54

My daughter was been on the receiving end of the incidents from the "socialable nice child that everyone loves" who just so happens to be her best friend. Our daughter is a quiet little thing and she never complained about it or cried about it until it was reported to us by someone else. I'd have really appreciated if her teachers spoke to her parents, instead we had to speak to them ourselves. It didn't impact their friendship and thankfully stopped.

Edited

She’s not having this impact on her closest friend - we know her very well

but if I’m playing devils advocate and il assume they don’t feel comfortable to say so - how should I further punish my child , other than re establish boundaries

and know also it’s out of character

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy8 · 10/12/2025 22:04

ShyTealBiscuit · 10/12/2025 21:37

You've glazed over your DD's behaviour and shifted it onto the teacher being strict.

Telling her off once is not enough. You need to address these things with your DD day in day out. Talking to her about being kind, not hurting others, basically guide her in how to treat others. If you carry on assuming that your DD couldn't possibly be doing anything that bad and blaming the teacher for being too strict then it will only get worse. You need to take it seriously.

Show quote history

We tell her off and and when told

shes Not doing this on play dates

day in day out ? I remind her on drop off and pick up since feedback

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy8 · 10/12/2025 22:08

easytoremember · 10/12/2025 21:34

OP, in your original post you asked if this behaviour was something you should be concerned about. Is that what you want an answer to? I'm confused!!

Yes - and if normal for age I suppose as never been told before

some here are making me feel
im raising a delinquent

she’s the sweetest girl and really popular , and besides this first feedback have never come across it - I also see her outside school with same friends a lot and never noticed It or been told

she is the youngest and wonder if her emotional development just a little behind also she’s small ! Like tiny compared to her peers - so may be asserting herself where she can’t physically , I know no one’s complained for a fact

the teacher has raised - and she didn’t see it first hand
a ta has once
and other time a kid told on her - a much larger boy who pushed her first (as in when I asked after), the other her best friend -
who said she did it back

so I wonder if it’s playground rough n tumble , that’s all

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy8 · 10/12/2025 22:09

My dd is 5 - youngest and smallest for context

OP posts:
AllKindsOfThingsAreInteresting · 10/12/2025 22:09

Amy8 · 10/12/2025 22:03

She’s not having this impact on her closest friend - we know her very well

but if I’m playing devils advocate and il assume they don’t feel comfortable to say so - how should I further punish my child , other than re establish boundaries

and know also it’s out of character

Show quote history

I don't think it is about punishing her, it is about helping her / understanding her.

Did you ask the teacher for more detail?

For example, is she is being controlling because she finds it harder to navigate friendships in larger groups or when she is not the one in charge? Does the pinching happen when she is frustrated or overwhelmed? These might not be things you see at home as you probably only have one or two children over for a play date.

Geranium879 · 10/12/2025 22:13

I have a child the same age and I don’t think it’s normal to be getting told this stuff twice a week at pick up. Your child is obviously being unkind to other children. Other parents possibly don’t want to say it to your face but may be hearing stuff from their kids.

Macaroni46 · 10/12/2025 22:22

Amy8 · 10/12/2025 20:54

Thanks mums net
missed the be kind bit

she is 5 years old and has never hurt a child - and no child has complained or cried about being hurt

i don’t think she likes my child

Now you’re being ridiculous. So the teacher made it up that your DD was pinching?

HopeForTheBest1 · 10/12/2025 22:24

I would just ask her what happened and why and if she thought there were better options. The teacher is telling you so you can get to the bottom of this and help her deal with things in a different way.

ShyTealBiscuit · 10/12/2025 22:31

So basically you wanted to be told that it's just normal kids stuff and that her teacher is being too harsh.

But we're telling you it's not and that you should be concerned. We're telling you to take it seriously and reinforce kindness and how to play nicely with other kids on a daily basis. Literally just listen to the advice you've been given and act on it. That's it.

Heidi2018 · 10/12/2025 22:31

Amy8 · 10/12/2025 22:03

She’s not having this impact on her closest friend - we know her very well

but if I’m playing devils advocate and il assume they don’t feel comfortable to say so - how should I further punish my child , other than re establish boundaries

and know also it’s out of character

Show quote history

If you have genuinely spoken to her and made her give a genuine apology, I guess you wait and see if this is going to have an impact first. Hopefully there won't be any more negative feedback. I would probably also avoid jumping straight to blaming the teacher.

Kibble19 · 10/12/2025 22:38

Lost the will to write a full reply when I read the classic “I don’t think she likes my child” line.

FuzzyWolf · 10/12/2025 22:46

Amy8 · 10/12/2025 20:56

err No she did it to her best friend who did it straight back - what’s the reasonable margin, she actually told me two days after the incident

also she’s a known negative strict teacher -
as reported by older kids parents . That’s why I called her strict

Show quote history

Two days is the amount of time for another parent to find out and write in or have a chat with the school and it be passed on. It probably wasn’t a complaint, so the teacher is correct to not formalise it as one, but it almost certainly came as direct feedback from an unhappy parent.

Private school teachers try to avoid conflict where possible which makes it less likely that she was just being difficult or getting things wrong.