If you got a big financial leg up from your parents …

[anotherside]

I’m talking a significant amount, at least enough for a comfortable house down payment. So say at least 20-30k and then all the way up to £millions.

So if you received a big cash/property gift from parents, have you always been entirely grateful for it? Or is there some part of you that wishes they hadn’t given you it, in order that you could have achieved (or tried to achieve) everything completely independently.

Wouls be interested to hear thoughts on this (along with how much you actually received if willing to say, as a leg up of say £30k vs £300k vs £1 million is qualitatively pretty different).

Turning this round - as a parent with cash you don't need is there a better use for it than helping your kids?

We received 10k each from my parents and husband's parents to go with the 30k we'd saved ourselves for a house deposit.

I'm always grateful for it. We could've got by with our own money, but thanks to their generosity we were able to get both a nicer house and have some money leftover to do work we wanted to do.

Surely no-one is going to admit to be being a bit pissed off that they accepted a substantial amount of money from their parents to buy a property?!

I've had zero financial help but don't feel any joy in having done everything myself. I would welcome any money with open arms and think it would be strange not to.

I haven’t received any help but my best friend is expecting a large amount from their parents.

They are 35, still living at home with no drive or motivation because they know the money is there in the future. They are expecting to get over £600k for a house without the other large amounts of cash inheritance but I don’t think they’ll know how to cope living on their own. While it’s a safety net I do worry about them as they still revert to acting like a child.

This is an interesting question. My friendship group have all received significant legs up ranging from 30-50k (myself) all the way up to entire flats bought outright. In the case of the latter, there is definitely some guilt attached and they get embarrassed when asked. In some cases, it has definitely been demotivating in terms of pursuing careers etc which is not a good thing. Personally I am hugely grateful for the help!

We did. I’m nothing but grateful. Our lives would look totally different without it. When the time comes, we’ll do the same for DS.

Not me but my husband has - initially his pot came from a deceased Aunt who invested in shares for him. Later my MIL has "gifted" money - about 40k now.

He honestly doesn't want it as its always come with a catch, guilt trip or thrown back at him. She had us saving up for years to repay some of it when she changed her mind that it was a loan only to say of course it was a gift.... money is a weapon to her. He has returned it to her bank account only for her to route it via another Aunt. DH tries to keep her at arms length.

She also tried paying for a chunk of our wedding which we did not accept as we knew what it would come with and she still invited 10 of her friends without telling us til a week before.

I'm always grateful for it, but I do wish they would spend more on themselves.

When we were growing up, they would scrimp and save all the time. My mum would never come into attractions because it was cheaper not to, we never ate out, and lots of our stuff was cheap or second hand. My mum will still drive around town because flour is cheaper at one shop and sugar cheaper at another. My dad reuses a teabag twice.

I wish they'd spent a bit more on enjoying themselves and letting us fit in a bit more rather than giving us money now.

I HAVE money and control of my life now. I was at the mercy of their frugality then.

I am conscious of saving for my son but also enjoying his childhood and not missing out on things he wants.

I inherited a lot of money from my grandparents in my early 20s. It was enough to buy a small house with no mortgage and I have been grateful all my life. It meant I could choose a career based on my interests rather than the paycheque and I could have children years earlier than I would have otherwise. Getting a significant sum early in life has a compounding effect.

Obviously I was always very sensible, which does matter. I think it helped that the inheritance was a surprise. I know some people who have grown up rich, or with expectations of money, and it has killed all aspiration and work ethic.

Totally grateful! Money has always flowed downwards in our family, great grandparents to grandparents to DMum and Ddad, to us and we will do the same for our kids. It’s always been seen as family money and assets not that generations. Works for us! I couldn’t sit on a pot of money knowing my kids needed a house deposit or whatever.
None of our generations had big families though, which makes things easier. DH’s brother is always making comments about our two kids having stuff while he can’t afford to do the same for his several kids…

My parents and PILs helped with our deposit but we have good jobs and we would have been able to save for a deposit on our own, it just shortened the time. I am of course grateful for the gift although I am more grateful for the support my parents gave me in education, which allowed me to build a a good career. I don't think any worse of people who have had financial support compared to someone who hasn't, so I see no reason to be ashamed for having accepted the money, or not having pride in earning the whole amount ourselves.

We didn't but have helped our children.

Hugely grateful. I got 20k off my mum when me and DH were newly married so we could add it to our savings and buy a house.

She never thought it meant she had a say on where we lived either.

In retrospect I think a relatively smaller amount is helpful without being demotivating. We still had to earn and progress in work.

We got most of our leg up by me investing my cash inheritance from a loved childless aunt, she lived 5 minutes from us I was the closest she had as her own child. We were close I still miss her. She is a part of this house without ever having met H or our kids.

So yes entirely grateful that we turned her earned money into a family home.

Just to play devil's advocate, what's the harm in not having aspirations or work ethic? Like you say, you've been grateful to take a smaller pay cheque and have kids without worrying.

Is it so bad that people don't earn that? Would it be terrible to just work modestly, live happy and healthy and then pass on money for your kids to do the same?

All the despots and tech billionaires and exploitative people are hard working and aspirational! I don't think they're the ultimate qualities.

I received no money from my parents because they didn't have any to give.

Instead of money they taught me a shed load of skills for making money including decorating, renovating, gardening, sewing, building, negotiating and making a home. They also gave me a strong work ethic and determination.

Nothing can devalue these gifts and they will last a lifetime. Over 40 years I've used the skills to work my way up through the property ladder via 16 houses always buying a complete wreck and selling it on completely renovated. Then I downsized and retired young.

Their gift was worth more than money. It was their time, skills and patience I'll be eternally grateful to them.

I don't think it would be classed as 'significant' anymore, but back in 1992 I was about to get married and buy our first home. It was a newly built one bedroomed bungalow.

My Dad offered me the choice between a big white wedding or a deposit on the bungalow. I chose the deposit.

Now the bungalow was only £46,000, so the deposit would only have been about £5,000 - but it felt like an absolute fortune at the time.

Both DH and I had zero financial help and are very glad that we had none. It was the making of us. I am proud that all I have achieved has been on my own.
However, times have changed and I expect I am going to have to help my DC. I already let them stay in the family home paying no rent.

My parents have been generous over the years, always pay if we go on holiday or for dinner together etc and were a huge help with childcare, but they've never given cash as such.

What has always been there in the background, is the absolute certainty that they'd help if it was needed, they'd never see us destitute iyswim.

That kind of security doesn't have a price.

In return I have a small house inherited from my parents, we don’t need it as much as the kids will, it is currently rented out when the time comes we will sell one house and split between our two for their property (far exceeding what we had but they will need far more).

Never crossed my mind to be anything other than delighted and grateful! It has given me freedom to work part-time, live in a lovely house, and it came with no strings or expectations. My mum gave us upwards of £100,000 in the years before she died as she recognised that the money was best used then, when we were starting a family, upgrading to a family home. I plan to do the same with my two. No point on sitting on it till they are retirement age (sadly my mum ended up dying early so that wasn’t an issue anyway) when it could improve their quality of life so much.

I’m so grateful and it has reduced so much stress in my life.

Would I have been more career driven without the help? Yes, maybe. Would that have been a positive thing? Perhaps not. I like my middle management, low stress job.

I received about £30k for a house deposit in my 20s, and it's made a big difference to how comfortable I am in my 40s compared to friends my age who didn't have that. One friend's dad chose to put a chunk of money in a pension for them, which was lovely but not very useful at the moment as they couldn't buy a house until much later in their lives and don't now have money to do the work they need on it.

I am grateful, and I don't think I'd be happier if I'd done it independently... but I'm glad that my parents gave us the amount we needed to make sensible choices at the right time rather than e.g. giving bigger amounts earlier or saying 'here is a house deposit' before their kids were thinking of settling down. I was not the oldest child but I was the first one for whom it made sense to buy a house, so they gave me what I needed and then made sure that they provided the equivalent to my siblings when they needed it later. I think this worked better than the parents deciding what the kids should prioritise and when, e.g. it wouldn't have made sense for my older brother to have the same house deposit at the same age, as he wasn't settled in a career or a location, and was in a relationship that didn't end up lasting and would have been made unequal by him suddenly having money to buy a flat when his girlfriend didn't.

That would absolutely be significant - over 10% value of your first property/ the whole deposit!