If you got a big financial leg up from your parents …

[anotherside]

I’m talking a significant amount, at least enough for a comfortable house down payment. So say at least 20-30k and then all the way up to £millions.

So if you received a big cash/property gift from parents, have you always been entirely grateful for it? Or is there some part of you that wishes they hadn’t given you it, in order that you could have achieved (or tried to achieve) everything completely independently.

Wouls be interested to hear thoughts on this (along with how much you actually received if willing to say, as a leg up of say £30k vs £300k vs £1 million is qualitatively pretty different).

The thing is, my dad does live a full life for himself. He spends at least 6 months a year on holiday. He does everything he wants, and has everything he wants. There is still money left to help us out.
We lost both my mum and brother tragically when young and he has always said that life could end at any time and there are no prizes for struggling.
DH and I both still work damn hard.

I did and I don’t feel I deserve my home. I’ve always worked full time but due to my own limitations I have never earned a massive amount. I would be in a council house or private flat with UC help if I hadn’t had help from my mum. I feel embarrassed when people ask. I wonder if I would have been happier without it, but aware that I am privileged not to know what the reality is like.

We've had a bit of both. Some help to get through uni, but we paid back all our loans ourselves and have always paid our own mortgage. I had a job from age 16 and have always had a job to pay my way. If we can't afford something we don't get it. We save a lot and are quite risk averse so never stretch our outgoings too much just in case something awful happens.

My sibling never had a job as a young adult and has had a lot of financial support from parents. It's backfired because they just got used to handouts and can't manage money. Every time they get into debt it gets sorted again. They take on silly risks because for them it isn't a risk. At some point there won't be a security blanket.

I think that first part time job where I earned £2 something an hour was a VERY good lesson on money management. How hard it can be to get it and you don't want to let it go easily!

My DM died very young which resulted in a small inheritance which I could use as a flat deposit. I would rather not have got the money in those circumstances clearly what was also very grateful. It didn’t change my drive at all. I was already very driven, and worked hard, and I continue to be driven and hard-working. The behaviour that I have seen play out was where I saw friends given entire properties when they were very young, because of things like trust funds, was not lack of gratitude but more entitlement/ privilege . They just didn’t appreciate how much more of a leg up they had in life and how much more privileged they were than everyone else scrambling around to buy something. And I think in many many cases they have put their success down in life to simply being more talented, better at their jobs. But I think it’s much easier to feel comfortable in any kind of situation and pursue random low paid opportunity when you’re not worried about where your rent is going to come from, or even your next mortgage payment.

DH and I have never had any financial help from our parents - I think we are both the only ones out of all our friends where this is the case - shame we married each other 🤣.

We are saving for our kids so that we can help them with uni and house deposits, as we’ve seen what a massive difference a leg up early on can make.

No, both my parents worked til state retirement age, then passed within 10-15 years. No savings, pensions (other than state) or property. They were happy and lived a contented life , that’s more important to me than what they could have passed on.

I’m in a position that I will be able to help DS.

I got £3k from my Nan when she died in 2002 and I used it towards as a deposit on my first flat. Aside from that I did everything myself.

My dad gave me and my sister £50k each to buy our first houses with (from his mum's inheritance, not because he's rich!)
I can't say we've each fallen over ourselves to show our gratitude constantly but we both know we wouldn't have been able to do it without dad's help. He's a lovely dad anyway, so it's not hard to feel kindly towards him!

OP hasn’t commented, beyond the OP, and has not shared the relevance of the question to them - I think it is very poor form of an OP to do this, and makes me wonder whether there are ulterior motives for this sort of thread…

I was given 5k by my dad in the mid 90’s which enabled me to buy a house in London by myself (paid for the deposit and legal fees, couldn’t do that now!) That got me on the ladder and I bought and sold several properties after that as the value rocketed. I was then given £100k about 10 years ago by my mum and stepdad which meant we could upgrade our house which added about 250k of equity.

Both these things have had a massive impact on our finances as we now have around 900k in equity on our home. We still have a mortgage and we both work full time, so our day to day lives aren’t impacted hugely as all the money/benefit is tied up in our house, but I am eternally grateful that we will have options in retirement that we wouldn’t have without their input. I have never once thought ‘I’d rather have done it on my own’ I know how lucky I am, and I also recognise that I decided how to use/invest that money to maximise it - so it’s also about what you do with the money

My parents gave us 10k. Which was the deposit for our house (5% deposit).

We would've saved it within a year/18 months. But it meant we could buy quicker, meaning we got a bigger house (house prices were rising quickly) and we could try for DD quicker.

It really helped and I'll always be grateful for it!

I've had a few amounts over the last 25 years and am certainly eternally grateful. None were expected or planned around. All went into whatever renovation project we were in the middle of at the time.

From memory, I had about 4k from my nan's estate, about 10k from an aunt's estate, and in a few chunks I think I've probably been given about 10k by my parents. I am forever grateful for all of it.

Friends are in similar v fortunate positions - one good friend's mother actually bought her an entire house (£330k!) when she got divorced 10 years ago, and recently bought her a brand new car. My friend is super aware how lucky she is but I wouldn't swap, her mum has everyone running around 24/7, never has a good word to say about anyone - and my friend feels too guilty to call her out so does a lot for her, but her mum has done so much damage to so many of the family over the years.

Another friend is regularly given thousands (every year) as her elderly parents have been told to get rid of some of their wealth for tax planning. Insane thought. They use it for holidays and the occasional second hand car if one dies.

My cousins are also retiring early thanks partly to hefty inheritances and partly to better earning partners than I picked!

I certainly don't feel in any way entitled to anything, and am extremely grateful for all the help I've had. But no, I don't feel guilty at all - if I had a chance of anything more, I'd accept it very gratefully.

My parents could have and wanted to help towards a house deposit but I categorically refused. I would have got no satisfaction from not buying a house with my own earnings.

Zero leg ups, zero family childcare, and yes it feels good everything we've built is built by us.

I do know what you mean. I have a plan for my DD, she will inherit a buy to let house as her first business to learn to manage account filing, liaising with tenants, budgeting, how mortgages work etc when she’s 18 (under my supervision).

We’ll also be buying a property when she chooses which uni to go to as an investment and rent the other rooms out which will be hers legally although she won’t manage that one, likely something to do up, rent while she’s there then flip and use the profit for whatever she wants next probably stocks and shares to diversify.

She has a pension fund , a JISA for when she’s 18 (deposit for a first house plus a car) and a seperate saver for when she’s 25 to help her make her first serious investment decision. she might decide to go travelling around the world and become an Eco Warrior and undo all of my plans but that’s also what it’s about I guess her finding her way… 😂😂

I grew up really really poor, we didn’t have food, carpets or electric and gas a LOT. Homeless shelters etc I slept on my grandmothers sofa through my GCSEs and tanked them due to my home life.

DD is only 10 but is already very involved with me running our Airbnb portfolio, comes with me viewing new properties and to visit builders doing renovations. My fire to succeed really did come from having nothing and feeling really powerless. But, why would I not do these sensible things for her and give her the biggest gift (in my opinion) you can have - the ability to choose a career that you love not based on the pressure of income.

DD will be managing every asset/fund/pension investment portfolio herself eventually and that is also a great gift to hand down. Financial literacy.

Likewise I prioritise a strong life insurance plan, and also a very detailed handover of everything at the event of my death and a professional will lawyer…

I’ve done this stuff since she was born (maybe because I was an unexpected single mother with a small family and support network) and also I own assets, shares in companies etc which I part sold at her birth and turned into investments over time, but this is my career I don’t have a day to day job income so have I to make it work long term (scary as hell!) It hasn’t been a huge expense the savings for her, but I am really appreciative that ive been able to square her away like this.

DD can have anything she wants - literally - I’ve made ALL the mistakes of being poor and spoiling her and it’s done the opposite. She’s kind of immune to fads, trends and big ticket stuff these days. Shes really into Anime this year (last year was Jellycat teddys she asked for 5) and has asked for some figures and a few accessories in the theme of her anime series.. I’ve never really been super strict on snacks and things at home either and she eats one sugary thing a day.. I don’t know gosh I’ve made loads of mistakes maybe some of these are some of them but I have a really kind, happy, flourishing kid and that’s what matters really..

No money. No leg up and of course we’d have rather have had one!

When my MIL sadly passed we were left enough for us to buy a decent property outright, no mortgage. It’s made a massive difference to us and I’m very grateful she was able to do that for us.

My parents in law gave us £45k for a deposit for our first home. Extremely grateful. We purchased a first floor maisonette for £202k in 2012. Second home was 2 up 2 down with large garden for £350k in 2016. We sold in 2021 for £400k and purchased our current 4 bed home for £495k and were able to spend £80k on completely renovating it. I’m giving the purchase prices to show that we have been able to work our way a bit up up the property ladder but although salary increasss have meant we could borrow more each time, without that original £45k deposit I’m certain we wouldn’t be where we are right now.

Parents never gave me cash but they paid my rent for a year when I was a student, it was £260 p/m.

I then moved back home to closer to our hometown and they bought a flat for me to live in. I had a flatmate who paid them rent, but I didn’t pay anything while I was a student. I then pad them a reduced rent when I started working.

I lived in that flat for 7 years, so I think over the 8 years in total it would be the equivalent of around £30K.

This enabled me to save a deposit to buy a place and made a huge difference to what I could afford and when I could afford it. I am hugely grateful to them.

(They still own the rental flat and get a decent return on it as well, so it’s all worked out well).

Interesting question as it’s something we’ve been thinking about recently.

ive recently been given some money, to do what I want with, and we’ve decided due to the age of our children we’d like to help them with a step onto the ladder when the time comes.

We’ve split the money, and between the two of them they’ve got it tucked away, apart from a small amount left (which I’ll keep for now) as I just have this wonder about them wanting the satisfaction that they have contributed something towards their own house deposit. Particularly DS1 as he is very money aware and proud to save etc.

The spare money will be kept safe and released if needed.

You actually don’t need that much in a pension. If you put £20k in a child’s pension fund now they’d have £1.7m approx in 58 years..

Ive put £20k in for my DD over time she’s now 10 so (obviously not certain and markets can change) if it stayed at 8% compound interest would have it at just short of £1.1M. I don’t plan on putting any more in that one in now saving for her 25yrs old fund.

Definitely have a little look at Junior SIPP (pension) accounts, £100-200pm at your DS age goes a LOOONG way I was shocked when I realised it :)

Bit of a pang here - such warm stories of loving parents and kind grandparents. I’m tearing up!

I’d love to feel warm and fuzzy gratitude to family. Hearing about trustworthy, solid people who matter and made a difference to future generations - so touching.

I guess it’s pretty standard behaviour, but I’d love relations like that. So independent - not by choice - here.

We were given £10k by DH mum about a year after we bought our house (deposit saved by us) and I feel terrible that I’d forgotten all about it until this thread!

I have to re thank her tomorrow.

I adore my mum- and my dad before he passed-. Dh adores his. Neither of us have had a penny from them. Not even childcare as they lived too far away, and my dad was ill for a long time.

Love can't be measured in money and house deposits.

I think that PP probably had bigger issues with her parents than the lack of house deposit given, judging by the tone of her post.