"I think 2 years is excellent progress"

[PeriMumEndofHerTether]

Said my Mother in Law today on her visit to see us.

My darling husband was failing to fold the pushchair down and slamming his foot on the brake, rather than the fold down switch. I took over before he destroyed the brakes and said "2 years we have had this pushchair and you still haven't figured it out!"

The bar, dear reader, as they say, is in hell.

Her son is "doing really well" at not being able to fold down a push chair... but I got judged by the same woman for not making the house look like a show house for her visit, 1 month after a really difficult birth that I'm still healing from, 3 years later!! When the job to clean the fecking house was DH due to me being laid up with the baby was DH not mine!

Why are there still mothers out there, babying their 40 year old sons like this?? And treating their daughter in laws like domestic appliances! Why?

I'm sure I caught a look of horror and confusion on her face when he served us all drinks once at home, and not me...

Progress of what? He couldn’t put down a pushchair and she said ‘2 years is good progress…. with getting to grips with parenting’? Nonsense thing to say and also if that’s her point then she’s also just wrong.

Me too... but life isnt that simple.and I assume OP is working with what shes got.

You probably need to be pragmatic then and just managed it upfront

Eg say "right when we get to x
you deal with DC and i'll sort out the buggy and get the bags."

Can you do X while I do Y etc

Getting mad is a waste of time if you believe he is geniunely just unable to competently collapse and open a buggy.

Dont you think that its fucking weird as a society that we have successfully categorised men not being able to do basic shit, and not put any solid time into learning, and letting other people shoulder the brunt of it in the meantime, as a 'nobody's perfect, we all have flaws' thing as opposed to 'well, that man isnt ready to have an adult relationship yet as he's not capable of basic adult things, and actually, the fact he hasnt bothered to learn is a massive red flag as it means he doesnt care about not looking like a man-child in front of any future partners.'

Yes but the pp means you married him, you’re one of the women having children with incompetent men. You could have had children with someone practical

Fair. But I am diagnosed autistic and ADHD. I am peri now as well and I am exhausted from the mental load while dealing with my own mental battles.

What really annoyed me wasn't even DH getting confused with the pram after being able to do it in the past. It was his mother's comment.

A few people asked what I saw on him so I will tell you. He is hilariously funny, he is a wizard with tech, he is really kind, great with dealing with authorities, which I can't deal with. And he keeps me safe.

Yeah but he's a grown man whose happy to be babied by his mummy and spoon fed cake in public.

I couldn't even look at him let alone have sex with him and marry him.

What is/was his relationship with his father like?

Ha my DH could never get to grips with the pushchair. Totally all thumbs and he’d get frustrated because he knew it was pathetic. But on the other hand he was a great cook, could do his own laundry, was super tidy and very independent. But anything mechanical and he just could not figure it out!
Your MIL is nuts - and did you call her out? But you aren’t going to change her, or your DH apparently. I’m glad my son is capable of taking care of things. He can cook, iron better than me and deal with stuff. He may not be that tidy, but then he lives alone.

This is why I vetted my in laws thoroughly before being willing to commit to my husband 🙃 and people told me I was mental and picky for doing so. You marry the family, not just the man!

In your DH’s defense, folding pushchairs were the bane of my life. I never got used to them however long I had them.

But I’d be horrified if anyone tried to spoonfeed me cake!

I didn’t bring up my 3 sons to be useless and sadly for me two of them were snapped up by American women who realised modern men who value women when they met them. Sadly many American men seem to be living in the 1950’s. One son gave up everything here and married his US wife, going on to be a stay at home dad to their son when he came along.
She has a Holistic therapy and Herbalist practice and Matthew runs online vintage shops, has learned to make jewellery and cooks and cleans and takes the kids to school.
One of my sons is also dyspraxic and finds those sorts of things difficult but it sounds like she is not helping him at all. Positive reinforcement is the key, without sounding too patronising if possible.
Ignore the MIL, she sounds like a nightmare. Don’t give up on him x

Omg why did you marry him?!

My MIL is abit like this. She believes a woman should do all the parenting & housework. But she also believes they should work full time, pay 50/50. If you breakup she thinks the woman should ask for no maintenance b/c the kids belong to the woman. I retorted once that if I fell out with my DH I would get every penny I could (just to wind her up) and her face was a delight to behold

I was going to post and say yea I get it because my mil said my DH 'was a good dad' because he changed our babies nappy and I thought wtf. He is a good dad yea but obviously changing a nappy is basic parenting.

But when you said your mil spoon fed your DH I checked out. I would have had the ick and he'd be long gone. Weird and creepy.

But you met him, went out with him, shagged him, married him, shagged him some more and that resulted in a child. That's ALL on you. He was a prat when you met him . You were foolish to marry him

My MIL is lovely but always did everything for her 3 boys.
My husband made a derogatory comment this afternoon about my plan to not cook turkey this year… After telling him nobody likes it except him, I asked him if he could name just one Christmas present we’ve bought for anyone this year. He couldn’t and yet I’ve already bought for all our family, his relations, my relations and most of our friends. I’ve just realised I’m as bad as her! 😡
We then had a ‘discussion’ where I introduced him to the concept of weaponised incompetence. I actually think he believes Santa brings it all 🙄
Anyway, I’ve told him he is now shopping for and cooking Christmas dinner this year! I’ve been told I’m overreacting to ‘one little comment’ 🙄 However, his face is now indicating he wishes he’d kept his mouth shut 🤣
He came back from the bakers with a lovely cake for me and I thanked him. However I’ll die on this hill and he knows I will 👊🏼

My Lovely Ex , ( father of my children ), mother once turned around to me in my house , her daughter was also with her, & said Tom we will call him , seems to have lost weight, & added it because I clearly wasn’t cooking enough for him 😡 !!!!!

There exists a certain number of women like your MIL who infantilise, and/or make excuses for, men to an extraordinary extent. Quite why they do this I've never really been able to understand. I sometimes wonder if, for at least some of them, it's a way of feeling superior ("aw, you can't expect their little male brains to understand this kind of thing"). Other times I suspect it's more to do with them never being able to see their precious baby boys/brothers/cousins/etc as adults with abilities and responsibilities. Or maybe they've really bought into the patriarchy and think that this is Just How It Should Be - the man goes out and battles the wooly mammoths, the woman stays at home and dusts the shelves and bakes cakes. I dunno. It's baffling.

Thats cool 👌
loads of women have Dick head husbands .
Just make yourself scarce around his mother so 🙂 .

I absolutely love this!

Two years ago I said I was overwhelmed by the whole concept, planning and doing of Christmas. Not to mention all the bad memories I have of it. I said "I can't do it anymore. If I stop doing Christmas, will you pick up the slack and take over everything?" He said he wasn't bothered by Christmas and could take it or leave it

So since last year, we haven't done it at all.

MIL had a word with me while I was driving back from IKEA and said "but Christmas is a time for family, for gift giving. It gets you through the winter, don't you think? Just because you don't like Christmas, you could try and make an effort?"

And my reply was to repeat the conversation DH and I had about it. DH said "mum, when I lived with you, we were lucky to even get the tree up by Xmas eve, and some years, we had a jar of curry and rice on Xmas day."

What pissed me off was her double standards and that I needed to do Christmas, and that DH was being deprived because of ME not doing it. It didn't occur to her at all that her son is also a functioning adult and if he wanted Christmas so badly, he could organise it! But as soon as she learned he also didn't care one way or another, she had no bad words or comment.

PS - we are flying to Gran Canaria for 3 weeks next week to relax and spend precious time as a family.

And there’s me just telling him he’s got to cook Christmas dinner… I should have aimed higher!!! 🙄 3 weeks in Gran Canaria sounds amazing! Have a great time! You are my hero 🤣

I think you're off to a great start, and if you want to keep it going, you could palm the whole lot onto him. See how long Christmas actually lasts. Some men would take it on, some men wouldn't.

I am so done with that fat bastard in the coca cola suit taking credit for women's work.

But if you want Christmas, do it your way. And make sure YOU get the credit!

This seems mean of you. So he’s bad at some stuff. Hopefully he’s good at some other stuff? But if you are always having a go at him even when he’s doing his best, his mother may feel she wants to leap to his defence. And she may not like you for it.

The spoon-feeding is a whole separate issue.

Christ alive!!!!
Wrong x 100000000.
Eww