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Original poster

MIL keeps taking things from my house

133 replies

TheSillyBalonz · 05/12/2025 09:16

In recent times when my MIL has been baby sitting my 2 dd will say the Grandma has taken stuff. First time she raided our snack cupboard to take things home, one time I mentioned I had some nice paper, she said she had already taken it. Then most recently my youngest dd said Grandma had been routing through her things to find a specific toy that was a gift she had given to my youngest which she was now taking back to give to her other grandchild. They are not short of money.

This is wierd right or just me?

OP posts:
Sam9769 · 07/12/2025 09:59

Don't let her into your house unsupervised and tell her not to go through your stuff.
I remember years ago my in laws came to stay for a week. For a few days we had to go to work. I only found out later than when we were at work my MIL went rummaging through my wardrobe and my husband's wardrobe.

Some time later, my sister in law came to stay. One morning she got up at 6.30am when my DH and I were asleep and went through our laptop to see what financial information she could find. During her stay she also went to the local estate agents, sat in the garden with us leafing through the brochure saying that she was just checking out the house prices! Needless to say they will NEVER stay again! We haven children so she thinks that she or her daughter will get everything! No chance and she and her mother are as tight as ducks' arses!
There are rude, ignorant and greedy people out there. My in laws fall into that category as does your MIL!

rainbowstardrops · 07/12/2025 09:59

That’s so weird and who knew it was a thing?!!! Effectively stealing from your own family. Dreadful!

SleafordSods · 07/12/2025 10:18

TheSillyBalonz · 05/12/2025 20:06

I don't think so, she had the capacity to go and put it in her car before we got home so we didn't see it.

Show quote history

DMIL had Dementia and was capable of going for a daily walk. She also gave her DGC regular gifts of sweets.

It took us a while to realise that she no longer had access to money and the gifted sweets hadn’t been paid for.

Just because she has the capacity to put things in the car doesn’t mean that she has full capacity. For DM the slide into full Dementia took years.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
MissDoubleU · 07/12/2025 10:27

MIL would simply not be allowed back in my home, or alone in my home again. And I would tell her quite plainly that my things are mine and sticky fingers aren’t permitted to touch them. Why do people allow these things to go on? Your DH doesn’t want to deal? Tough. Some things need doing if he doesn’t like it.

HopingForTheBest25 · 07/12/2025 10:38

Yabu for putting up with it!
Many of the issues which come up on MN are largely the result of posters being too passive and allowing others to walk all over them. Stop being a doormat.

Even if your dp is enmeshed and unwilling to handle this, you can. She'd be banned from my house, no matter what dp had to say about it and if he was willing to let someone repeatedly steal from me, he'd be on his way out too!

PorridgeEater · 07/12/2025 10:55

Don't have her babysitting and don't have her unaccompanied in your house.
It's a terrible example for your children apart from anything else.

Sickdissapointed · 07/12/2025 11:10

My departed ( but not dear) MIL was the opposite and would bring stuff into the house. No discussion.
Lots of my DH house was a carbon copy of hers. Carpets curtains pictures. V weird.
I took some slate pictures out ( v 70’s) and put them out in garage in a box.
when I got home they were back on the wall. !! We didn’t even know she had been. She had a key for emergencies. ….
Now ex DH. He would never stand up to her. Broke us eventually.

Wooky073 · 07/12/2025 12:52

She sounds entitled. Did it happen before you had children? I wonder if she views it as ‘payment’ for childcare? Anyone who was childminding I would say help yourselves to food and drinks but not to raid and take away for use later. Plus it’s not just food it’s items. Either way it needs calling out. You could set up a nanny cam to see his bad the problem is. Then make big fuss of needing the stolen item and asking her directly. She won’t like being called out though and it could mean she doesn't childmind for you. My late mum always wanted payment of some type for childminding - petrol money or payment in cash for the hours or items from the horse but she was open about it ( I think). She didn’t have a lot though

JayJayj · 07/12/2025 16:50

Tell her she is no longer allowed unsupervised in your house. If she asks why, tell her because of her stealing.

wasdarknowblond · 07/12/2025 18:12

That’s awful - I would keep everything locked away if you do have to ask her again and leave unwanted stuff or out of date snacks in plain sight for her to get rid of!

JungAtHeart · 07/12/2025 18:12

How old is your MIL? It sounds like it could be the beginning of dementia 🙁

Judecb · 07/12/2025 18:17

Ask her politely (in front of your husband) not to do it.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 07/12/2025 18:40

Do these people have a mental health problem. You know kleptomania.

This sort of thing is actually stealing.

Tell them so.

Julimia · 07/12/2025 18:59

Emma... is there more to this than at first meets the eye? Presume you have talked about it with her?

MoonWoman69 · 07/12/2025 19:02

I wouldn't encourage her to come round ever again and keep her away from your children.
I would also say that as you are finding things missing from your home, you have installed cameras and involved the police. Theft is theft, it doesn't matter what it is. Put the shits up her!
I can't believe how common this is having read this thread! Although, my mum and I suspected that her mother was a kleptomaniac, in the 80s, when I was a kid. After shopping trips, she had a lot of quite expensive items in her pull along tartan trolley that my mum never saw her pay for. Then mum actually witnessed her doing it and refused to go shopping with her again.
I can't recall that she ever stole from us though. And she didn't have dementia, she had capacity into her 90s! Just a thief!

Sennelier1 · 07/12/2025 19:08

MsCactus · 05/12/2025 23:16

Not exactly the same, but my in-laws bought my DD (who is two) a sticker book when they visited, then when DD wasn't looking my MIL went into the sticker book and picked our her "favourite stickers" and slipped them into her handbag. When I asked her what she was doing she said those where her favourite stickers and she wanted them!

It was a gift they bought DD, so I didn't question it. But it was some two year olds' stickers, and I know my DD would've been really upset if she'd seen her taking them - thought it was a bit bizarre.

Your MIL collects stickers? How old is she? This must be dementia, right? Or at least infantile regression?

RavenhairedRachel · 07/12/2025 19:21

You could always frisk her on the way out

Speckly · 07/12/2025 19:23

For the sake of your children you can’t keep ignoring this!
Have you considered what messages you are sending them?

  1. You can get away with stealing.
  2. We don’t confront people doing the wrong thing.
  3. It’s ok for MIL to do whatever she wants AND MOST IMPORTANTLY…
  4. Your fear of confrontation trumps you protecting them!

BE A PARENT! Pick up the phone NOW and ask her about the toy. Tell her you want it back and that you won’t tolerate the stealing anymore.

Heyhoitsme · 07/12/2025 19:23

Turn the tables on her. Buy the nastiest ornaments and tat in charity shops and secretly leave them in her house. When she questions it tell her you were trying to stop her taking your nice stuff.

Threecats1baby · 07/12/2025 19:31

Are you ever invited around her house?
If so, like others have said, take your stuff back.
I would start moving things round at her house too, like move the armchair or pictures and ornaments... switch food about in her cupboard etc and just say "Ah doesn't it look so much better there"
Obviously only if she isn't suffering from dementia or anything.
More to the point move her house keys or car keys and just not say. If asked just say oh weren't they in such a such place. I do it to my husband when he annoys me... it drives him crazy !
Petty I know but the peace and giggles it brings overcomes any feelings of shame

MsCactus · 07/12/2025 19:43

Sennelier1 · 07/12/2025 19:08

Your MIL collects stickers? How old is she? This must be dementia, right? Or at least infantile regression?

Show quote history

Nope - she's never collected stickers before, she just randomly stole some from DD

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/12/2025 20:01

Threecats1baby · 07/12/2025 19:31

Are you ever invited around her house?
If so, like others have said, take your stuff back.
I would start moving things round at her house too, like move the armchair or pictures and ornaments... switch food about in her cupboard etc and just say "Ah doesn't it look so much better there"
Obviously only if she isn't suffering from dementia or anything.
More to the point move her house keys or car keys and just not say. If asked just say oh weren't they in such a such place. I do it to my husband when he annoys me... it drives him crazy !
Petty I know but the peace and giggles it brings overcomes any feelings of shame

So the literal definition of Gaslighting?!

I mean I see where you are coming from but watch the film before you suggest this.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslight_(1944_film)

Gaslight (1944 film) - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslight_(1944_film)

LouiseK93 · 07/12/2025 20:37

I am so shocked how many people this is happening to! These MILs are completely off their rockers!

Horses7 · 07/12/2025 21:32

YANBU

Pessismistic · 07/12/2025 21:42

Call her out on everything tell her straight you cannot just help yourself to my things there are these places called shops buy your own if she carries on do it back to her every time then say I won’t stop until you do.