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Original poster

MIL keeps taking things from my house

133 replies

TheSillyBalonz · 05/12/2025 09:16

In recent times when my MIL has been baby sitting my 2 dd will say the Grandma has taken stuff. First time she raided our snack cupboard to take things home, one time I mentioned I had some nice paper, she said she had already taken it. Then most recently my youngest dd said Grandma had been routing through her things to find a specific toy that was a gift she had given to my youngest which she was now taking back to give to her other grandchild. They are not short of money.

This is wierd right or just me?

OP posts:
OilyRoundTheCogs · 05/12/2025 18:25

@WilfredsPies

Great idea re the shoes! (and the calling her a thief, because that's what she is)

You could take a pair of shoes, then replace them with an identical pair one size bigger/smaller.Or just one shoe (as @WilfredsPies suggested) and replace one of the pair with a different size.

CluelessAboutBiology · 05/12/2025 18:25

@OilyRoundTheCogsgenius

GelatinousDynamo · 05/12/2025 18:41

My MIL once went through my closet and tried to steal my clothes because (according to her) they won't fit me anymore because I'll never lose all that weight I've gained. Funnily enough, she only tried to take off with the expensive stuff, not normal h&m... It's one more reason why she's not allowed into our house unsupervised.

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WhereYouLeftIt · 05/12/2025 19:18

Am I right in thinking that this is her babysitting when you go out for an evening, not regular childcare? ("she also asked my dd to not tell us how late they had gone to sleep!")

In which case, she NEVER babysits again, and should she be imprudent enough to ask why you never ask her to babysit these days, you answer honestly and bluntly -

'Well Margaret, you keep taking my stuff without asking, you've even done this to the kids - remember that toy you gave to DD as a gift; well I think stealing it back to give to another child was pretty damned poor of you. If you're a kleptomaniac it would be cruel of me to put temptation in your way, and if you're not a kleptomaniac then your behaviour is really scuzzy. Which is it?'

If your husband / her son won't deal with it, then lobbing a hand grenade like the above becomes an option.

DecoratingDiva · 05/12/2025 19:51

My MIL has form for asking for things back that she has given as presents. Usually to give to the Golden Child or his current GF, I’ve stopped accepting anything from them over the years.

Once (many years ago) when we were visiting she returned a book my DH was reading to a local bookshop and got a refund. I was gobsmacked because 1) it wasn’t even her book and 2) it had come from a different place. DH just shrugged and explained that’s what she does with books!

some people are just very very strange

cotswoldsgal1234 · 05/12/2025 19:53

Has she got some dementia?that could explain things.

Original poster
TheSillyBalonz · 05/12/2025 20:06

cotswoldsgal1234 · 05/12/2025 19:53

Has she got some dementia?that could explain things.

I don't think so, she had the capacity to go and put it in her car before we got home so we didn't see it.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 05/12/2025 20:14

If she has always done it, it might seriously be kleptomania. Lady Isobel Barnett had it. An intelligent wealthy and erudite woman who couldn't stop herself shoplifting.

fatphalange · 05/12/2025 21:47

You could feign ignorance but start a conversation with her about how you’re sure there’s a thief who keeps taking things from your home (make up a fictional cleaner if she asks you to elaborate), so you have now fitted hidden cameras all over the place as you really want to get to the bottom of it.

99bottlesofkombucha · 05/12/2025 21:49

i would make it a bigger problem for my dh that I’m mad- in the case of the paper I’d tell him out you go and don’t come back without it or your mum is no longer allowed in my house. It is unacceptable that our things get stolen and you think that’s fine- so go tell her to give the paper back or if you prefer that that’s the last time she’s ever in our house. Your choice, off you go.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/12/2025 22:31

One of the comments on the fb mumsnet thing said "electrify the biscuit tin" which did make me laugh.

I would be going fucking proper loopy over the toy, how fucking dare she?!

Marriage counselling to deal with wetwipe husband.

MsCactus · 05/12/2025 23:16

Not exactly the same, but my in-laws bought my DD (who is two) a sticker book when they visited, then when DD wasn't looking my MIL went into the sticker book and picked our her "favourite stickers" and slipped them into her handbag. When I asked her what she was doing she said those where her favourite stickers and she wanted them!

It was a gift they bought DD, so I didn't question it. But it was some two year olds' stickers, and I know my DD would've been really upset if she'd seen her taking them - thought it was a bit bizarre.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/12/2025 23:21

MsCactus · 05/12/2025 23:16

Not exactly the same, but my in-laws bought my DD (who is two) a sticker book when they visited, then when DD wasn't looking my MIL went into the sticker book and picked our her "favourite stickers" and slipped them into her handbag. When I asked her what she was doing she said those where her favourite stickers and she wanted them!

It was a gift they bought DD, so I didn't question it. But it was some two year olds' stickers, and I know my DD would've been really upset if she'd seen her taking them - thought it was a bit bizarre.

Why didnt you question it? I would have asked her, infront of her husband and son, why she thought it was ok to give something to a toddler than steal some of it back. Because once you give someone a gift its theirs, so her taking part of it back is stealing!

What was your husbands reaction?

Also......why didnt she do it before she walked into your house? Stupid woman.

MsCactus · 05/12/2025 23:29

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/12/2025 23:21

Why didnt you question it? I would have asked her, infront of her husband and son, why she thought it was ok to give something to a toddler than steal some of it back. Because once you give someone a gift its theirs, so her taking part of it back is stealing!

What was your husbands reaction?

Also......why didnt she do it before she walked into your house? Stupid woman.

Show quote history

I guess because she paid for it and DD has lots of sticker books, so it didn't seem worth arguing over. But it was just really bizarre behaviour! I agree that if she really wanted some of the stickers she could have just taken them before giving it to DD?

When I told my DH he agreed it was "very odd behaviour" but didn't say anything to her

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/12/2025 23:35

MsCactus · 05/12/2025 23:29

I guess because she paid for it and DD has lots of sticker books, so it didn't seem worth arguing over. But it was just really bizarre behaviour! I agree that if she really wanted some of the stickers she could have just taken them before giving it to DD?

When I told my DH he agreed it was "very odd behaviour" but didn't say anything to her

Show quote history

yeah i guess you have to pick your battles, but it would annoy the fuck out of me!

Leopardsandcheetahsarefast · 06/12/2025 07:41

Mincepietastic · 05/12/2025 13:56

I mean, I would stop the babysitting and when she asks why, say it's because she been stealing, but I appreciate that not everyone is as black and white as I am!

I do think it needs to be stopped though, as it's a bad example for your kids and even more so teaching them to hide things from you.

This.

But it’s your DH that you have the bigger problem with. He won’t address it and wants to go to counselling?

Bugger that. You don’t need therapy she needs therapy and the police.

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 06/12/2025 08:01

My parents used to help themselves to my stuff & my father in particular was so greedy he would eat the kids’ food, eg I cooked, I’d put food on the table for everyone to serve themselves and be running backwards and forwards to find he would have taken the children’s food and piled it on his plate eg big salad for the grown ups but I would have cut up cucumber, carrot and tomatoes and pepper into batons for the little ones and put it next to them and he would have got up, walked round the table, grabbed the plate and scraped the whole lot onto his plate.

He also took my lawnmower without asking and broke it while we were away on holiday.

They had a key which was taken back in the end.

I think some parents think their offspring are their property so that means their belongings are too.

Tdcp · 06/12/2025 08:57

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 06/12/2025 08:01

My parents used to help themselves to my stuff & my father in particular was so greedy he would eat the kids’ food, eg I cooked, I’d put food on the table for everyone to serve themselves and be running backwards and forwards to find he would have taken the children’s food and piled it on his plate eg big salad for the grown ups but I would have cut up cucumber, carrot and tomatoes and pepper into batons for the little ones and put it next to them and he would have got up, walked round the table, grabbed the plate and scraped the whole lot onto his plate.

He also took my lawnmower without asking and broke it while we were away on holiday.

They had a key which was taken back in the end.

I think some parents think their offspring are their property so that means their belongings are too.

Wow that is shocking! Did you ever pull him up on taking the food? What did he say?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 06/12/2025 09:24

My mum (who I’m currently not in contact with) also gives gifts and then asks for them back.

She’s crafty, she makes things she likes for people regardless of their taste. The things she makes ends up in charity shops/the loft/a bin. Not because they’re crap, just because they have no use for the person she gave them to.

She then wants them back and people have to give vague ‘I’ll have to look for it…’ replies knowing full well the item has long gone.

BoxingHares22 · 06/12/2025 09:30

My mother used to do that .

fatphalange · 06/12/2025 11:12

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 06/12/2025 08:01

My parents used to help themselves to my stuff & my father in particular was so greedy he would eat the kids’ food, eg I cooked, I’d put food on the table for everyone to serve themselves and be running backwards and forwards to find he would have taken the children’s food and piled it on his plate eg big salad for the grown ups but I would have cut up cucumber, carrot and tomatoes and pepper into batons for the little ones and put it next to them and he would have got up, walked round the table, grabbed the plate and scraped the whole lot onto his plate.

He also took my lawnmower without asking and broke it while we were away on holiday.

They had a key which was taken back in the end.

I think some parents think their offspring are their property so that means their belongings are too.

I’d have physically slapped his hand away. It’s despicable to take food out of the mouths of children. How fucking gluttonous of him to do that!

Blump2783 · 06/12/2025 11:17

TheSillyBalonz · 05/12/2025 12:15

Have to admit I had to Google what enmeshed was and I think your on to something there. I have told my husband he needs to start setting boundaries which he refuses to do, he'd rather just have counselling about his family than have to deal with the fallout.

Show quote history

Hopefully couselling will help him be able to deal with it.

DottyLottieLou · 06/12/2025 11:42

If he won't deal with it, you will have to tell her straight. See how he deals with fallout from that.

Achewyhamster · 06/12/2025 12:11

I remember years ago I was a skint single mum who watched every penny

My mother is loaded but unless it's something for herself,very tight

Anyway,it was coming up to Christmas and I somehow ended up with a hamper of goodies

Nothing massive,just things like a ham,sweets,chocolates,few different sauces and other bits and bobs

I left it,untouched on the kitchen table and she popped round

I left her for a few minutes and came back downstairs to find her with a massive bag for life at her feet,full to the brim and my hamper had spouts and cranberry sauce left (the kids where getting upset at the thought of not getting a quality street chocolate or a toffee as shed told them she was taking them home for 'safe keeping as mum will only trough them herself!hawhaw!')

I went mental-those treats where for my dc,not for my golden child brother to scoff (which is the reason she was trying to take them)

I got them back and threw her out-i think I threw some sprouts at her (she badmouthed me to any fool that listened but I just told the truth to her pathetic flying monkeys)

I found after she'd gone,she'd also swiped 2 bottles of fabric conditioner,a pile of reusable cleaning clothes and a bottle of cleaning spray

It's like she saw whatever I bought/got as goods/treats for herself and id save her a trip to the shops (and money)

Wasn't the first time but not long after was the last as i went nc with her

Sam9769 · 07/12/2025 09:51

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/12/2025 22:31

One of the comments on the fb mumsnet thing said "electrify the biscuit tin" which did make me laugh.

I would be going fucking proper loopy over the toy, how fucking dare she?!

Marriage counselling to deal with wetwipe husband.

This. He needs to man up and tell her to fuck off!