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Original poster

MIL keeps taking things from my house

133 replies

TheSillyBalonz · 05/12/2025 09:16

In recent times when my MIL has been baby sitting my 2 dd will say the Grandma has taken stuff. First time she raided our snack cupboard to take things home, one time I mentioned I had some nice paper, she said she had already taken it. Then most recently my youngest dd said Grandma had been routing through her things to find a specific toy that was a gift she had given to my youngest which she was now taking back to give to her other grandchild. They are not short of money.

This is wierd right or just me?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSillyBalonz · 05/12/2025 12:15

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 05/12/2025 12:13

What’s your DPs view? Also think it’s weird or is this something she’s done for years.

She's done stuff like this for years. He thinks it wierd too!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSillyBalonz · 05/12/2025 12:17

SarahAndQuack · 05/12/2025 09:56

My ex-MIL did this. She just couldn't help herself. She nicked stuff everywhere. One of the worst ones was when we'd rented a holiday house, which happened to have lovely gardens, and she went round wrenching chunks of every plant she fancied as 'cuttings' - apparently completely unaware she was ruining a garden that didn't even belong to us, let alone her! She'd come to our house and just calmly rifle through your stuff and if she fancied something she'd either pocket it or say 'ooh, I'd use this, you won't, will you?' No shame at all.

This is 100% something she would do.

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 05/12/2025 12:22

Well then OP you have to say to your DH that a boundary needs to go in, MIL isn’t allowed unsupervised access to your house. No more babysitting, you’ll have to pay someone. Aim to meet at her house or out somewhere.

he can carry on with his own counselling but perhaps suggest he does bring this up to discuss.

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CandyCayne · 05/12/2025 12:24

TheSillyBalonz · 05/12/2025 12:12

I can't remember what my response was, it can't have been clear because I never did get the paper back! Must admit I do need to improve my communication skills.

Show quote history

Yes you do because this is ridiculous.

Happyjoe · 05/12/2025 12:29

My cousin used to steal all my things when she came over to play, but we were 6! MIL is awful and teaching her grandchildren it's ok to take things, this isn't on. She needs to be told to stop, no matter how delicate.

Mumof1andacat · 05/12/2025 12:30

So you've let this happen twice and done nothing about. Stick up for yourself

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 05/12/2025 12:33

Tell dh next thing that gets stolen you will report to the police.. He can see the mad cow elsewhere.. And she shouldn't be seeing your dc unsupervised anyway imo.

InlandTaipan · 05/12/2025 12:57

Socktree · 05/12/2025 11:04

People do this? People tolerate others doing this? Are the theiving family members well? No dementia?

This is absolutely barmy. Someone steals something from my house and I'd tell them off loudly and publicly. I would carry on for a very long time. I'd embarrass the hell out of them. They'd never do it a second time.

I share your incredulity. This is not normal behaviour at all!

AutumnLover1989 · 05/12/2025 13:00

Crofthead · 05/12/2025 11:28

Bit of a reach there

Show quote history

Not really. It's a big red flag asking a child to keep a secret from their parent 🙄

myhaggisblewup · 05/12/2025 13:02

Socktree · 05/12/2025 11:04

People do this? People tolerate others doing this? Are the theiving family members well? No dementia?

This is absolutely barmy. Someone steals something from my house and I'd tell them off loudly and publicly. I would carry on for a very long time. I'd embarrass the hell out of them. They'd never do it a second time.

I'm very vocal with people like this, I will, and do embarrass them.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 05/12/2025 13:06

I had an aunt that did this.

Initially harmless things so i said nothing.
then it escalated and I had had enough so the next time I decided I'd go through her bag before she left and removed all the nicked items...

First time she said nothing.
Second time she rang me up told me off!!! when she got home and realised "her things" were gone 😅😅😅

Now we visit her once a year.

Don't let this slide. It's bad in general but terrible in terms of the message being sent to your children.

CalmShaker · 05/12/2025 13:06

This made me really angry reading that, you shouldn't have to put up with this . OP do you want to pm me her number, I won't say I read this on Mumsnet and I'll stay calm but I wouldn't mind giving her a bloody talking to

Figcherry · 05/12/2025 13:07

My dm used to take stuff.
Once after her visit I was missing a new Christy bath towel. When I visited my db, a poor student at the time, it was in his bathroom. Dm was playing Robin Hood.
She also used to take nice photos I had framed, this really annoyed me.

She’s elderly now and rarely visits.

WhatWhoNoShe · 05/12/2025 13:09

Better make her aware that your daughters are now of an age to note kleptomania in action and report back?

HelloGreen · 05/12/2025 13:19

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 05/12/2025 13:06

I had an aunt that did this.

Initially harmless things so i said nothing.
then it escalated and I had had enough so the next time I decided I'd go through her bag before she left and removed all the nicked items...

First time she said nothing.
Second time she rang me up told me off!!! when she got home and realised "her things" were gone 😅😅😅

Now we visit her once a year.

Don't let this slide. It's bad in general but terrible in terms of the message being sent to your children.

Edited

I can’t believe she rang you up and had a go! So she genuinely believed she was entitled to them. What sorts of things were they?

TomatoSandwiches · 05/12/2025 13:26

This is batshit absolutely batshit crazy.

Summerhillsquare · 05/12/2025 13:29

Happyjoe · 05/12/2025 12:29

My cousin used to steal all my things when she came over to play, but we were 6! MIL is awful and teaching her grandchildren it's ok to take things, this isn't on. She needs to be told to stop, no matter how delicate.

I think this is the angle to take when your DP raises it. "Do as you wish on your own time but we don't want to teach the kids bad habits now do we? Cos they will get in trouble with others".

CandyCayne · 05/12/2025 13:29

TomatoSandwiches · 05/12/2025 13:26

This is batshit absolutely batshit crazy.

What's also absolutely batshit crazy is the OP asking:

"This is wierd right or just me?"

Mad.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 05/12/2025 13:36

HelloGreen · 05/12/2025 13:19

I can’t believe she rang you up and had a go! So she genuinely believed she was entitled to them. What sorts of things were they?

Show quote history

Initially things like food or reusable (but plastic) party things....
A set of nice Christmas napkins, a nice laduree macaron box i was going to use for knick nacks...

Annoying but whatever...

She then took some things i had set aside in the utility to list and sell ( inc. a new cashmere with tags cardigan!!!).
She basic view was it was too big for me and I was getting rid of it anyway so what was my problem 😅

CustardySergeant · 05/12/2025 13:38

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 05/12/2025 13:06

I had an aunt that did this.

Initially harmless things so i said nothing.
then it escalated and I had had enough so the next time I decided I'd go through her bag before she left and removed all the nicked items...

First time she said nothing.
Second time she rang me up told me off!!! when she got home and realised "her things" were gone 😅😅😅

Now we visit her once a year.

Don't let this slide. It's bad in general but terrible in terms of the message being sent to your children.

Edited

She told you off! Good grief. Did you tell her to stop stealing?

blankcanvas3 · 05/12/2025 13:40

My MIL used to do this. It was so bizarre, the most random things would go missing. Soap from the bathroom, food from the fridge and freezer, a vase etc. We were worried and asked her if she needed financial help, she said no she’s fine. Then the last time we went to her house (years ago), we discovered her hoarding problem had got much worse and we found sooo much of our stuff there! We left it all there because the house was absolutely disgusting (cat/dog poo and wee everywhere, clearly hadn’t been cleaned in years) and now we barely see her. Can’t trust her at our house because she takes stuff literally just to hoard, not allowed in her house because it’s a literal biohazard

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 05/12/2025 13:45

HellonHeels · 05/12/2025 11:33

Encouraging children to keep secrets from their parents is a safeguarding concern.

Show quote history

Also, taking things that don't belong to you is stealing, which she is quite happy to do in front of your kids.

IsawwhatIsaw · 05/12/2025 13:46

Your DH needs to talk to her. She is a thief.
in the meantime I’d see her elsewhere and stop the babysitting.

Linenpickle · 05/12/2025 13:47

What does she say when you ask about missing items? Please don’t tell me you just say quiet…

meercat23 · 05/12/2025 13:48

This sounds a very weird dynamic. Long time ago now but my experience of my parents and in-laws was that they couldn't do enough for us and our DC. To the point that we felt we had to tell them that they didn't need to bring gifts every time they came, it was them we wanted to see. Same with us and our now grown up DC and GC. We look to what we can do for them rather than what they can 'donate' to us. Taking back a toy from a GC is sujrely not just odd but very low.