MIL keeps taking things from my house

[TheSillyBalonz]

In recent times when my MIL has been baby sitting my 2 dd will say the Grandma has taken stuff. First time she raided our snack cupboard to take things home, one time I mentioned I had some nice paper, she said she had already taken it. Then most recently my youngest dd said Grandma had been routing through her things to find a specific toy that was a gift she had given to my youngest which she was now taking back to give to her other grandchild. They are not short of money.

This is wierd right or just me?

You are not unreasonable to be cross.

Does she do it to other people or just in her offspring's homes? If the former she may be just be a kleptomaniac or plain old CF.

If it is just her kids' homes she may have some sort of mental block that it belongs to her. My mum is a bit like that and the root of it is that she has never really seen her daughters as separate people but extensions of herself. She would help herself to my things, lend things of mine to other people, chuck my stuff out if she didn't like it, try to decide how I would spend my own money etc. She wouldn't do it to anyone else and would have gone ballistic if I did it to her but she really thought she was 100% entitled to do it. She was quite open about it too, not sneaky at all.

I think you could teach the children to refer to her as Nanny Sticky Fingers and make a big joke as she leaves about having to frisk her, or search her bag for contraband.

Or you could go to her house, steal one of each shoe you know she wears regularly, all the forks and the toothpaste. Tell her you’ll give them back the second she returns everything she’s pinched.

Or, and this would be my personal recommendation, you tell her that she’s not welcome in your house anymore because she’s a common little thief, you think her behaviour is disgusting and she’s lucky you haven’t reported her to the police. And if she manages to get inside your house in the future (because your husband is a bit of a drip) then you’ll be knocking on her neighbours doors, warning them not to invite you in or leave their doors open when she’s around.

I mean, I would stop the babysitting and when she asks why, say it's because she been stealing, but I appreciate that not everyone is as black and white as I am!

I do think it needs to be stopped though, as it's a bad example for your kids and even more so teaching them to hide things from you.

Tell him that she can steal his stuff, but if she takes your things, you will contact the police. And find another babysitter who doesn't behave like the Artful Dodger.

If your DH won’t say anything, I’d start making a “joke” whenever she leaves about asking her to empty her pockets to see what she’s stolen this time ha ha ha. Unless she’s completely shameless, at least she’ll know you’re on to her.

I did not know people actually did this.

My sister-in-law has a vase I really like…

I can't believe so many people do this?!

I also cannot believe she stole the childs toy!! I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut after that, I would have to have a word with her about it now

I hope you are naming this as stealing to your DH and DDs. Because it is and when you DD thinks it acceptable and gets caught shoplifting how’s your DH can square that circle?

She took your child's toy - in front of her??!!!

Get that toy back and tell her to stay the fuck away from your house!

My DM does this. She riffels though my stuff asking "oh are you chucking this out, ill have it." She also takes things to 'punish' people for some perceived slight.

I used to be a really skint single mum and my mother is loaded but tight

I left my spare house key with my father as i kept locking myself out (he would no more have used it than I could fly)

Stuff started to go walkabout-bottles of shampoo/food/money/washing powder/perfume-really odd stuff (even the kids Easter eggs)

I came home early one day to find my mother had swiped the key and let herself in and was helping herself to whatever she liked the look of

Her reasoning was 'you buy better stuff than I do'

I hit the roof,slung her out (minus the key) and told everyone what she'd done

She tried to deny it but she did it with a guilty look on her face

Turns out she'd been doing the same to my brother and sil as well!

Send OPs mother in law round, she’ll have it in her bag in a jiffy

A jiffy bag so that it doesn't get damaged??

Well of course! She’ll probably have nicked that too 😂

I am shocked too. 😬

My Mil used to leave us with extra toilet paper, a lettuce spinner, a brush from betaware for cleaning out plug holes and other odd things she thought were needed. 🤔

Does she shoplift @TheSillyBalonz

@WilfredsPies love the idea of taking one shoe!

@Calamidaydid you say anything to BIL’s GF about your shirt? Did she know he’d stolen it or did she ask him to?

I didn't, I was too young and stupid then 🙄 it wasnt a run of the mill shirt so I knew it was mine 🫤 About £50 worth too 🙄

Sometimes I think I have a weird family and then I read things like this.

As a MiL I'm more likely to give my dd1 and dd2 something then take something! Even when they visit me they tend to take something (obviously asking first). Nowt so queer as folk!

Very bizarre behaviour! I’m surprised how many people have had similar experiences with their in-laws. It shows a complete lack of respect for you and your home. It’s like she thinks she’s entitled to take whatever she wants from you. I’m afraid she wouldn’t be coming to my home again, certainly not unaccompanied.

The stealing is annoying but this is comment to your DD about don’t tell mum and dad is a hill I would die on!!!

Never ever ok for someone to say don’t tell mum and dad , especially a trusted person to a young child. It’s teaching a young girl if someone says don’t tell mum and dad that it is a normal request as it’s what grandma says! Very dangerous- and I’d be blasting her and your DH over this.

Exactly! I never leave my PILs house empty handed. We always leave with some leftovers or other bits and pieces. They are generous to a fault.

Oh but he will be having counselling for life then! What with that and her stealing from you she is costing you a fortune. Sorry that's not helpful but proper counselling/therapy is hard work, he needs to put effort in and it will be uncomfortable - he probably thinks he will die he will feel so bad/ill if he tells her no/stands up to her. One way is you do that reprimanding/putting your foot down and then he has to pick a side - which obviously should be his family ie you. But, he may not be able to do that.

We had young-ish relatives stay with us on a working holiday visa.
we asked for £50/ week rent to cover bills. This was set at a level to make sure they worked full-time as 28 year olds with no kids. But had money to enjoy life in the UK.
We also asked them to pay back an interest free loan in small instalments .
they were obviously angry about this. They’d spent the first 3 months doing nothing but lying in the garden and eating my food and drinking my drink.
once they started work we told them to buy and cook their own food, we told them that they had to start paying us money for the interest-free loan. Suddenly the atmosphere changed. things started being used up. Expensive moisturisers with suddenly hardly any left. My Shampoo running out quickly etc
i could never prove any of it.
my kids had to start bringing their stuff into the bathroom in a wash-bag and keeping it in their own rooms. It was so inconvenient. My son needed the expensive moisturiser for a skin condition.

in the end we asked them to leave for other reasons.

it was frustrating that I couldn’t prove any of it.

they felt entitled to it all even though we had been so generous. At the end of the month I reckon they had more disposable income than me and my husband.