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Original poster

I don't know what to do - mum in hospital, dog with severe separation anxiety

99 replies

EmptyTheFrickingBins · 04/12/2025 16:03

My mum collapsed at home on Tuesday and is currently in hospital. She's recovering well but I don't know when she's going to come home.

She has an 11 year old Jack Russell with severe separation anxiety. He isn't safe with cats so cannot come to my home.

I am currently staying at her house but it is unsustainable for much longer. I'm sleeping on an air mattress in the living room so my kids can have the bed. My cats are getting two visits daily but I'm concerned about leaving them for too much longer. I also have a chronic health condition that is being made much worse by the stress and poor quality sleep. My sister also has cats and he can't stay there either - we tried that last time. He jumped over a baby gate and grabbed one of the cats, resulting in the poor cat having a puncture wound that's still being treated.

Ideally I'd like to put him into home boarding for a couple of days to give myself a rest but I'm not sure how feasible it is - even on Xanax he gets frantic when left somewhere. (To the point he absolutely trashed my sister's kitchen when he stayed there.)

It's the only med that suitable for him due to a heart murmur per the vet. He has a thunder shirt which helps some, and we have tried DAP with little success. He only settles if there's someone he knows in the same room with him at all times.

I have contacted the Cinnamon Trust but don't know if anyone would be able to take him because of his behavior.

I genuinely have no idea what to do next - I'm miserable, my kids are miserable and I really just want to be in my own home!

Thank you!

OP posts:
mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 04/12/2025 16:31

Is there a local facebook group of dog owners you can post on for advice/help? Where are you? Also, try posting this on The Doghouse section of MN.

Soduku1234 · 04/12/2025 17:45

Can your cats go to your sister temporarily and the dog go to yours so you can be in your own bed? Or cats go to cattery temporarily?

You could get a home boarder that stays in your mum's home with the dog but might be hard to get someone last minute near Christmas.

GumFossil · 04/12/2025 17:48

How difficult for you. Could you put the cats in a cattery and have the dog at yours?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dogs
Mumof1andacat · 04/12/2025 17:52

You can get pet sitters who stay at the house. They sort of house sit, look after pets, water the plants etc. Google house pet sitters

rafeal · 04/12/2025 17:57

I would also try the home boarding option. We used a local pet sitting agency for my Mum’s pets in a similar situation. They were wonderful.

Ritaskitchen · 04/12/2025 18:27

Ok so for sure swap with the children.
They are younger they can manage on a sofa or a blow up mattress.
What about dog fostering? My DS did this for pugs. If you contact dog charities hopefully they can point you in be right direction.
Or pet sitters in your house or your Mums. But I would say the priority for you is better sleep.

Keroppi · 04/12/2025 18:31

I'd just take him to yours and maybe see if your sister can have your cats for a few days. Or crate him? Or talk to your mums vet about it, perhaps a fair dose of xanax! Could you have the cats in a conservatory if you have one or put them upstairs and the dog down etc?

You definitely need to go home and get proper rest. Or your sister needs to stay a night not just you!
I'd definitely look into the petsitting apps like rover etc

Your poor mum hope she recovers soon. Hospital is no place to be and she can hopefully recover better at her own house once at that level.

Peoplemakemedespair · 04/12/2025 18:33

It’s shit all round, but honestly I think the dog needs to go to boarding kennels. I know that’s probably going to stress it out more, but honestly it’s affecting everyone else’s physical and mental health. I don’t agree with this new way people are thinking nowadays, where dogs seem to now have to come above humans at all costs. A good kennels may be able to work with becoming a little less neurotic

Peoplemakemedespair · 04/12/2025 18:35

Reading the replies that posted when I was writing this. It proves my point when everyone’s suggestions are the op and the ops children have to move house, or even the ops own pets get put into boarding, rather than the dog be slightly uncomfortable?

climbintheback · 04/12/2025 18:39

Take the dog in to see her - speak to the matron - as long as she’s on a ward not ITU

Munchyseeds2 · 04/12/2025 19:37

Peoplemakemedespair · 04/12/2025 18:35

Reading the replies that posted when I was writing this. It proves my point when everyone’s suggestions are the op and the ops children have to move house, or even the ops own pets get put into boarding, rather than the dog be slightly uncomfortable?

You've never had a dog with severe separation anxiety have you?

Lorrymum · 04/12/2025 20:08

Ask vet to recommend boarding kennels. He will be safe, secure and well looked after by people who understand dogs.
I have a little miniature schnauzer with separation anxiety and fretted about putting her in kennels for 3 nights. She was absolutely fine, I could contact at any time to check how she was and gradually I relaxed and so did she.
Your Mum and family come first. I hope she has a speedy recovery.

Original poster
EmptyTheFrickingBins · 04/12/2025 20:40

Peoplemakemedespair · 04/12/2025 18:35

Reading the replies that posted when I was writing this. It proves my point when everyone’s suggestions are the op and the ops children have to move house, or even the ops own pets get put into boarding, rather than the dog be slightly uncomfortable?

It's not "slightly uncomfortable"- the last time we tried kennels he was so frantic he tore his bedding to bits, injured his tail and chewed his leg so badly it took months to heal.

He literally destroyed my sister's kitchen overnight - to the point of clawing at the door so much he tore part of the frame off the wall. Both of those times he was on the max dose of Xanax.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyTheFrickingBins · 04/12/2025 20:41

Soduku1234 · 04/12/2025 17:45

Can your cats go to your sister temporarily and the dog go to yours so you can be in your own bed? Or cats go to cattery temporarily?

You could get a home boarder that stays in your mum's home with the dog but might be hard to get someone last minute near Christmas.

I am in a flat and dogs aren't allowed unfortunately!

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 04/12/2025 20:44

I would contact the dogs vet for advice. I do think the pet sitters at your mums house is the better option. I think keeping the dog in its own house would reduce some of the anxiety.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 04/12/2025 20:47

Can you ask The Cinnamon Trust for help?

Original poster
EmptyTheFrickingBins · 04/12/2025 22:39

Muchtoomuchtodo · 04/12/2025 20:47

Can you ask The Cinnamon Trust for help?

I've been in touch with them but are waiting to hear back.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 04/12/2025 22:57

Why can't your sister stay there and take over for a bit whilst you sort this out, can you ask your mother what she thinks is best, tell her it's either boarders or getting a pet sitter in, you can't continue looking after him and he is her responsibility really.

Tbh it sounds like he has a horrid life, I would have put him down a long time ago poor thing.

butidid · 04/12/2025 23:13

What a nightmare
Does your sister have kids?
I would take it in turns with your sister to stay at your mum's. I would potentially say the person who is staying in their own home could keep both sets of kids with them. Then keep swapping.
AND urgently get a local dog sitter/cinnamon trust person to come every day to visit dog to start building familiarity until dog can be left with them.

Peoplemakemedespair · 05/12/2025 10:46

Munchyseeds2 · 04/12/2025 19:37

You've never had a dog with severe separation anxiety have you?

Show quote history

No, I’ve always trained my dogs properly. And as much as I love my dogs, if this dog was mine, my solution for its anxiety would not be to make my sisters and nieces/nephews move houses, sleep on floors, exacerbate peoples chronic medical conditions from pure stress and their living conditions, and have multiple other animals placed in boarding facilities. Absolutely batshit for the wellbeing of one dog

VenusClapTrap · 05/12/2025 11:09

Peoplemakemedespair · 05/12/2025 10:46

No, I’ve always trained my dogs properly. And as much as I love my dogs, if this dog was mine, my solution for its anxiety would not be to make my sisters and nieces/nephews move houses, sleep on floors, exacerbate peoples chronic medical conditions from pure stress and their living conditions, and have multiple other animals placed in boarding facilities. Absolutely batshit for the wellbeing of one dog

Show quote history

I agree with this 100%

Original poster
EmptyTheFrickingBins · 05/12/2025 14:01

Peoplemakemedespair · 05/12/2025 10:46

No, I’ve always trained my dogs properly. And as much as I love my dogs, if this dog was mine, my solution for its anxiety would not be to make my sisters and nieces/nephews move houses, sleep on floors, exacerbate peoples chronic medical conditions from pure stress and their living conditions, and have multiple other animals placed in boarding facilities. Absolutely batshit for the wellbeing of one dog

Show quote history

So what's your solution?

Mum has worked with a behavioralist (recommend by the vet), we have tried meds, we have tried DAP, a thunder shirt, everything we have been told to do. The only thing that helps him is having a human he knows with him at all times.

For context, this was after 30 mins because I had to pick my injured child up from school.

ibb.co/b5wCM0qf
ibb.co/NndnZYhy
https://ibb.co/RR97gD4

I don't know what else to do#

PXL-20251205-133454753 hosted at ImgBB

Image PXL-20251205-133454753 hosted on ImgBB

https://ibb.co/RR97gD4

OP posts:
Original poster
EmptyTheFrickingBins · 05/12/2025 14:12

My sister works nights so she can't watch him.

OP posts:
Soduku1234 · 05/12/2025 14:29

Peoplemakemedespair · 05/12/2025 10:46

No, I’ve always trained my dogs properly. And as much as I love my dogs, if this dog was mine, my solution for its anxiety would not be to make my sisters and nieces/nephews move houses, sleep on floors, exacerbate peoples chronic medical conditions from pure stress and their living conditions, and have multiple other animals placed in boarding facilities. Absolutely batshit for the wellbeing of one dog

Show quote history

It's not the OP's dog and not her job to train it. She's going through enough stress without your judgement.

caramac04 · 05/12/2025 14:29

The dog could live for several more years and this situation could reoccur.
Unfortunately your mum cannot guarantee that she can provide the care this dog seems to need.
Is it crate trained? What is the plan going forward?
Your mum, when she is home, needs to get the dog used to someone else who would be willing to either board the dog or stay at your mums house.
You’ve got your family and your mum to worry about but the dog is ruling everyone’s lives.
I hope your mum is home soon, for her sake but also for you, your family and the dog.