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Original poster

How to survive this meal ?

119 replies

crisikrinkles · 03/12/2025 09:57

Today is my partners dads birthday.
We are going out for a meal at 2pm
i have just been to the dentist and I have a tooth abscess.
i haven’t slept in 3 days really
The pain is horrendous
I have been given antibiotics and then I need a root canal once this has gone.

My partner only sees his dad once a year and I missed the last meet up due to work so my partner says I have to be there.

i can’t eat,I barely can open my mouth.
My partner says “just try”
I have been struggling with mash
As soon as I open my mouth

I’ve said il go and won’t eat,il have a soft drink.
My partner says that looks ridiculous but what can I do?
im in agony

OP posts:
CakeFace1234 · 03/12/2025 15:04

You poor thing. It's so hard to function with that pain. I had a similar thing, although mine wasn't an abscess, it was a crack that went through the tooth and down the root so very painful. I was having an around Christmastime dinner in a restaurant with family that only all get together once a year so I was determined to go but.. I couldn't chat and my head was almost on the table it was so painful. All I could focus on was the pain. I was nursing it with sensodyne. DH dashed out to the nearest chemist and asked for the strongest painkiller they could give over the counter for toothache. After taking them, it subsided enough for me to hold a conversation and eat. Tooth was removed a few days after Christmas. An abscess is next level.

If you go, you won't be much company not eating or talking, and you will be so miserable. He needs to meet his own dad and let you stay in.

DottieMoon · 03/12/2025 15:06

I wouldn't go regardless of what your DP says, he needs to grow a backbone.

diddl · 03/12/2025 16:44

Well it's unfortunate that you had to work last time & you're ill this time, but that is what has happened!

Why does his dad care so much as long as he is seeing his son?

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Canwealltakeadeepbreath · 03/12/2025 16:50

I had a tooth abscess 2 weeks before an unmedicated birth with a 10lb baby. The tooth abscess hurt more.

The antibiotics will kick in within 24-48 hours. In the mean time ice helps, and gargling salt water.

I would also be cancelling!

RecordBreakers · 03/12/2025 16:52

i would love not to go but that’s deffo not a option

It really is.
It is a shame, obviously, but it can't be helped.
Anyone who cared for you would totally be telling you to go to bed / curl up on the sofa with painkillers, and go and meet their Dad on their own.

If he's only in the country once a year, how is it he doesn't spend longer than one meal with his son ? Presumably your medication will kick in by tomorrow and you could all spend some time together then if it were that important to his Dad to get to know you.

Hendersso · 03/12/2025 16:54

Why don’t you get to choose op? He is not your dad. Stay at home and think of yourself. It sounds like you are not allowed to do this. If they cared about you they wouldn’t be making you go.

Shedmistress · 03/12/2025 16:55

Neither of these blokes are your boss. If you dont want to go dont go.

HideousKinky · 03/12/2025 17:00

crisikrinkles · 03/12/2025 13:11

Sorry everyone I had a little nap
Basically he’s dad has said make sure I’m there as I didn’t see her last time (he was on speaker so deffo said this ) and my partner said it looks awful if I don’t go and he will think it’s rude.
Its been changed to 5pm but still won’t be able to eat as it’s far too painful.
Ive had some tomato soup and softened the bread in the soup for lunch so at least I have had something to eat.

Presumably he has not been told about your dental pain because it would be very very selfish of him to put his wish to see you ahead of your own considerable discomfort.

You are not obliged to do his bidding, or your husband's, when it is not the right thing for you

Ophy83 · 03/12/2025 17:21

Did you go? I hope not. They both sound awful - bossy and lacking any empathy. Honestly you may want to rethink this relationship- how he treats you when you are unwell is very telling.

EddyNeddy · 03/12/2025 17:21

You seem strangely deferential to the men in your life, OP, even ones you barely know. You are their equal. They cannot demand your presence. Once the tooth issue is sorted, I think this is the next thing you need to work on.

Original poster
crisikrinkles · 04/12/2025 08:27

Hi everyone I went last night and just had a drink.
It was slightly awkward as they both kept saying “just eat something “,”just have something “
Now his text this morning telling us to stay at his cottage on Saturday night for the night…I really don’t want too.
Do I just tell my partner to say no and we will drive down on the Sunday and say hello?
I like my own comforts when I’m feeling like crap
Am I being awkward not wanting to stay overnight ?

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 04/12/2025 08:29

I don't think it matters what anyone says to you. Everyone is telling you to respect the fact that you're ill and not to fall in with the expectations of your bullying partner, but you seem determined to do just that.

Menapausemum1974 · 04/12/2025 08:37

crisikrinkles · 04/12/2025 08:27

Hi everyone I went last night and just had a drink.
It was slightly awkward as they both kept saying “just eat something “,”just have something “
Now his text this morning telling us to stay at his cottage on Saturday night for the night…I really don’t want too.
Do I just tell my partner to say no and we will drive down on the Sunday and say hello?
I like my own comforts when I’m feeling like crap
Am I being awkward not wanting to stay overnight ?

@crisikrinkles this is beyond ridiculous!

LittleBitofBread · 04/12/2025 08:39

‘telling’ you? Hmm
They're both bullying you and refusing to listen to you, OP. All of us on here keep saying this to you but you’re not taking it on board.

Original poster
crisikrinkles · 04/12/2025 08:40

I have said no I’m not staying overnight.
I said we can drive down on Sunday morning and have some time with them.
I would prefer that than staying overnight and having to be sociable.
Im hoping my antibiotics kick in soon as well.

OP posts:
NaranjaDreams · 04/12/2025 08:42

Do you have other issues with his Dad; that his Dad is aware of?

Original poster
crisikrinkles · 04/12/2025 08:58

No I like his dad.
He is very much the comedian …so you have to be constantly laughing at him (even when it’s not funny)
I just like my own space I think
Staying with anyone else gives me anxiety,even when I’m feeling well.
Sofa bed in his dads cottage honestly sounds like hell this weekend.

OP posts:
ResusciAnnie · 04/12/2025 09:01

Your partner is a dickhead.

He only sees his dad once a year so this is not important - if he was an important person, general they would see each other more than that (Spain is not far).

BadgernTheGarden · 04/12/2025 09:04

Soup and ice cream? (Large Brandy for the pain! I know not allowed).

Hope the antibiotics kick in soon.

chunkyBoo · 04/12/2025 09:07

Oh god I feel your pain literally as I had the same thing 6 years ago and I was literally in tears on the phone to my brother who is an anaesthetist and he said you kind of need to wait for the antibiotics to kick I. Which takes 48 ish hours. He did suggest warm
salty water as a mouth washing solution which was a bit of a relief and cocodamol, if you can get the higher dose from your GP that works well, the lower dose is available to buy without prescription. Good luck but I’d say let your DH and his dad have a night out rogether and let you stay home as you’d potentially ‘spoil’ their night out as the pain makes you unable to sit still ( wel it does for me anyway)

LittleBitofBread · 04/12/2025 09:09

crisikrinkles · 04/12/2025 08:58

No I like his dad.
He is very much the comedian …so you have to be constantly laughing at him (even when it’s not funny)
I just like my own space I think
Staying with anyone else gives me anxiety,even when I’m feeling well.
Sofa bed in his dads cottage honestly sounds like hell this weekend.

you have to be constantly laughing at him (even when it’s not funny)
Sorry but you're not painting a picture of a nice man here.

Shedmistress · 04/12/2025 09:14

crisikrinkles · 04/12/2025 08:40

I have said no I’m not staying overnight.
I said we can drive down on Sunday morning and have some time with them.
I would prefer that than staying overnight and having to be sociable.
Im hoping my antibiotics kick in soon as well.

Who is 'them'?

Original poster
crisikrinkles · 04/12/2025 09:27

@Shedmistressits his dad and his partner

OP posts:
CherryBlossom321 · 04/12/2025 09:31

You shouldn’t have gone. You are not well. Why are you allowing them to dictate to you?

Moggies3 · 04/12/2025 09:34

LBOTB

Leave
Both
Of
The
Bastards

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