How to survive this meal ?

[crisikrinkles]

Today is my partners dads birthday.
We are going out for a meal at 2pm
i have just been to the dentist and I have a tooth abscess.
i haven’t slept in 3 days really
The pain is horrendous
I have been given antibiotics and then I need a root canal once this has gone.

My partner only sees his dad once a year and I missed the last meet up due to work so my partner says I have to be there.

i can’t eat,I barely can open my mouth.
My partner says “just try”
I have been struggling with mash
As soon as I open my mouth

I’ve said il go and won’t eat,il have a soft drink.
My partner says that looks ridiculous but what can I do?
im in agony

no to heat, increases the inflammation

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you’re in such pain, that sounds horrendous. Honestly why is not going ‘not an option’? - just because you missed last time due to work, that doesn’t make you miraculously better - if you are in such pain it is completely and utterly reasonable to miss this, and your partner frankly is being unkind by trying to insist you go - he should instead be offering to get you painkillers / soft food whilst you’re in bed. You are a grown up, and you have autonomy to say no (that’s not me criticising you btw, that’s me saying you don’t need his permission as to whether you miss it, I know sometimes when someone is pressuring us we just feel like it’s ‘easier’ to give in because they’ll otherwise be unpleasant).

Also I’m angry on your behalf and womankind - time and time on here we see women who are unwell / in pain, and instead of looking after them their partners are being dicks and either insisting they attend family events (partner’s family, not woman’s family) and/or moaning because they’re having to pick up the slack as inevitably the woman does the lion’s share of the housework/childcare etc. I’m increasingly of the age where I’m think fuck that!

If the role was reversed would he go if he was in pain?

No...he'd be making sure to take himself off to bed to rest at the first twinge

Selfish bastard

I hope you haven't got children with this arsehole

Get some sensodyne toothpaste and smother the affected area worked for me when we were on holiday till the tablets kicked in x

Are you frightened of him OP?

Sorry to ask but it's a bit of a concern to read that he's so dismissive of how ill you're feeling

@crisikrinkles just say you are not going! you will feel terrible and need your bed!

Why do you have to go too? Can’t your DP go on his own ?

Why is not going not an option? Who is he to tell you what you’re doing and not doing? You’re poorly!!! Is he not a good man?

Of course you don't have to be there, and a caring partner would never force you to while you're in pain and feeling dreadful. It's his dad, and letting him go without you would mean that he could focus on catching up without having to worry about you. Put yourself to bed and try to get comfortable (maybe try a salt rinse if you can bear it).

Sorry everyone I had a little nap
Basically he’s dad has said make sure I’m there as I didn’t see her last time (he was on speaker so deffo said this ) and my partner said it looks awful if I don’t go and he will think it’s rude.
Its been changed to 5pm but still won’t be able to eat as it’s far too painful.
Ive had some tomato soup and softened the bread in the soup for lunch so at least I have had something to eat.

My friend recently had an abscess. Had 2 lots of antibiotics then the tooth out. It got worse and she ended up in hospital and had an emergency op to drain it. It was close to bursting and she was really poorly.

Your husband is a prat.

And so what if his dad said that? He’s not the boss of you! It’s not rude you are sick. They are the rude ones!

Swill dispersible Aspirin around your mouth before swallowing it. I find it really helps.

I'd be messaging him back and telling him you're not going

Cheeky fucker

I'd be seriously thinking about binning the partner and the father to be honest as it'll only get worse

His dad sounds like a cunt. Is your DP under his thumb?
I still wouldn't go. In fact I'd go even less if my DP's dad said something like that to me.

Can’t they go for supper then come back to you for coffee so you can say hello?

If it so important for you to be there, last year would have been arranged around your work commitments. Since it wasn’t, it can’t be that important for you to be there.

If your partner is putting his dad’s wants over your needs, he isn’t been a good partner. Does he often overlook your needs or put your wants second to his? If not, is there a historical issue between him and his family where he is expect to comply (and therefore so are you)?

If you're in that much pain why are you letting your partner tell you to go? That's not a healthy relationship. If you don't feel up to it, don't go!
Why does it matter that his dad said you have to go also?

I'm guessing your partner hasn't told his Dad you have an abscess under your tooth, and are in considerable pain?! If he had, I'm sure his Dad would have understood you not going to the meal. If you feel you must go, then be honest once you're there 'Sorry Bob, but I'm not eating as I'm in agony from an abscess under my tooth'. I wouldn't hide the fact you are in pain and shouldn't be there. My husband's Dad lived in Spain for several years and only visited once per year (we wouldn't see him otherwise, unless we went to Spain) but if I was in agony there's no way my husband would expect me to go, and my FIL would understand, regardless if I missed seeing him the previous year or not! Your husband is being unreasonable, especially if he hasn't told his Dad that you are unwell.

Make sure she's there! How dare he? Who does he think he is?

Tell them both to get fucked!

I would go straight to bed and wouldn't be going anywhere near a restaurant at any time till you feel better.

You need a new partner. He sounds like a dick, though it's clear where this attitude came from.

Fuck the lot of them

Sounds like the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. I would be rethinking the relationship.