Why did you have children?

[whatsnewpussycat34]

Not a goading post, I promise.

Ive popped over from the childfree board because although I was a good 90% set on being child free, I’m having a wobble. My 38 year old ovaries are pumping out last chance saloon hormones and I’m finding myself brooding.

My history is that I did TTC for a while, but it didn’t happen so was offered help, but didn’t go ahead. We just said it wasn’t meant to be and I was actually quite relieved when we made that decision as I was always on the fence.

Anyway, I know all my reasoning for wanting to stay child free (like 64% during this hormonal surge I’m having) but if you were always dead set on having children, can I ask what made you think or feel
that?

thanks!

I was intrigued… I sometimes think life would have been easier and lovely and hedonistic without them though

I'm not particularly broody, but I just thought it would be really interesting, and it has been! And, for me, that it would make life feel worthwhile - absolutely not necessary for some people, I hasten to add. People can 100% have meaningful lives without having kids as well.

Was never really bothered but then got accidentally pregnant- it’s a VERY long story and although not against abortion it wasn’t an option for me. Once I had one having another was neither here nor there.

@whatsnewpussycat34 if you're a worrier already multiply that by a zillion. Caring parents NEVER stop worrying.

Do you have pets? I'd suggest nurturing pets.

I wasn't dead set on it, in fact I didn't want children. I had a very brief window in my mid-30s where I thought it might be nice to have a child with my husband, we were in a decent place, it was a good time. I fell pregnant at literally the first time of asking. It was fucking insane. I don't know what changed my mind, why there was only that brief window, why I fell pregnant immediately having never been pregnant and never having tried before. I fully believe that another few weeks down the line and I could very well have changed my mind again and reverted to not wanting children. A second was never, ever on the cards - it's like it was now or never, her or no-one. From the minute I found out I was pregnant, she was so wanted, no doubts, and I wouldn't change a thing. I don't take her or my absolute luck and privilege for granted for a second.

But it is the hardest thing I've ever actually done in my life, being a mother.

I think I am a caring parent but I don’t really identify or relate to this.

I do think worrying / anxiety / helicoptering can sometimes be encouraged and valorised, especially online though, as the mark of a truly caring and loving parent, specifically mother.

I wanted a family, that's the simple reason. I had a happy childhood with loving parents and siblings I consider true friends. I couldn't imagine it just being me and my husband until retirement. Having children has brought joy and a sense of fulfilment to me that a career or travel just wouldn't have. It's an entirely personal decision!

From when my niece was born when I was 15 I knew I wanted dc. I loved spending time with her and ended up having my first dc at 19. I have four and adore each and every one. I loved each different stage from them being babies to teens (if you ignore dc4 not sleeping for 17 months and screaming continuously for months due to allergies…) and I have enjoyed watching them all grow and turn into lovely human beings. Three are now adults (24, 21 and 18) and my youngest is 11. I can’t imagine not having had them and they’re what I am most proud of in the world.

Don’t get me wrong, the last 24 years hasn’t been without its challenges and I have spent many evenings crying my eyes out over various things but it has been 100% worth it for me. They’re my absolute world.

@Bayroot1 I don’t have pets, guess why?

Because I know I’ll be heartbroken when they die!! How ridiculous is that.

I used to be more anxious before having kids! There's something about the fact that you need to relinquish a lot of control once you have kids that has reduced my anxiety! I'm much more go with the flow now, through necessity 😅

I just really, really wanted one. It wasn’t a logical thing. She is the best thing I ever did and brings me joy every single day.

@whatsnewpussycat34 not ridiculous at all. Did you lose someone of importance when young?

Never broody just jealous of others around me who were falling pregnant

i really started wanting them when I started TTC and couldn’t have them (miscarriages, IVF etc)

life is very hard with kids, sometimes only issues, personally I’d wait till I m 1000%

Honestly? Because I thought I should, because I thought it was the done thing, I really wasn't all that fussed.

Fortunately for me it really worked out, I have 2 beautiful very 'easy' teenagers now, they are an absolute joy and I genuinely don't regret a thing.

I got pregnant the first time by accident (by been lax and thinking it wouldn’t happen to me) but honestly it never occurred to me not to have kids. I just assumed I’d get married and have kids like everyone else.

But I had my third child in my late thirties and honestly it’s exhausting, hard work. The sleepless nights, hormones already messing around, worrying so much more and the constant tiredness. Do not recommend.

I have had pets in the past, I had a dog who died when he was only 3 and a cat that died when she was only 2. Both incidents were devastating.

Maybe I’m cursed.

They didn’t die because of me btw 😂 dog had cancer and the cat hit by a car.

That's very sad. My family weren't good at caring for pets. Some were left to roam.

For me it wasn't a conscious decision or choice as such. I have always known that I wanted to be a mum. If I couldn't have children naturally I would have adopted. I couldn't and can't imagine a life without children.

Always wanted kids 🤷‍♀️

I have one dd and am very grateful for her.

I knew I wanted them. My own mother had children as that’s what women do and she was getting older- she was a shit mother as it was obviously a chore for her.

It was never a question - I always knew I wanted them (plural!). Probably because I have an great relationship with my parents and family is really important to me. I was always aware that there would be sacrifices but in reality I don’t miss free time as much as I thought I would ( I miss spontaneity a bit) and having more money wouldn’t make a difference to my life - we had the number of children we can afford. I enjoy spending time with my kids though and that really helps - I do think way too many people decide to have children without thinking it through and without being prepared to put someone else’s needs ahead of their own a lot of the time!

I had a sad and difficult childhood - I wanted to create my own - lovely, happy - family and do better than my parents did.

I craved a baby. Nothing else - travel/ nights outs etc - came close.

I wanted to have a family and feel complete. That we are enough. We are a proper family and worth making an effort to do things properly for.
….

It’s the single best thing I’ve ever done. Life before children was so self-centred - just entertaining yourself, basically. Having my kids brought all of life into sharp focus. I just love my kids to bits.

I grew up in a large family with lots of siblings so I suppose that children were simply what I pictured when I thought about creating my own family as an adult.

Then I met DH and he was kind, intelligent and close to his own family. I knew he'd make a great dad and I suddenly had this overwhelming biological urge to not just have children but to have children with him.

Three of us in the office. One and two got pregnant and suddenly I was broody.

I always thought, having been the oldest girl of a large family, that I would be glad to NOT have children. Then I fell in love. He took it for granted we would have kids and I could not deny him. Also l wanted to see this beautiful person be a wonderful dad, which he is. He is a much better parent than I am. I am still ambivalent even though I love our two more than life itself. And that is where my problem lies. It came as a shock just how much you can love a child and the endless anxieties that go with it. My life changed forever the day my first child was born. I have often longed for my pre-child self when all I had to worry about was what I was going to wear next Saturday night.