Crying so much that my children are older

[Caz86123]

I can’t stop looking back at videos when my boys were so young like 2 and 5 they are now 8 nearly 9 and nearly 12. I don’t know where the time has gone and it breaks my heart I can’t get any time back. I miss them so much being that small I love them so much and I need help I know

When I look back on my life I do feel as though everything went too quickly! Everyone does.
But life is in a constant state of flux ... that is just a fact of life.
You haven't lost a 5 year old, you have gained a 6 year old.

Stop looking back. Look forward.

Ah op, it hits us all at some point. No one really talks about the grieving for the little people we loved, that disappear forever. And even though we love every subsequent version of them, we can still miss what they were.

You're so right, no one does talk about it and it is bloody hard, it's just so crap how quick it all goes. I look back at pics and know I can't go back to that little boy again. I have got therapy booked next month as I know I need help as it will only get worst when they get older, it never ever bothered me or even crossed my mind since Sep when he started secondary school and since then I've been emotional

Life is so, so much easier now mine are mid teens. Especially working full time. Younger years were just so full on and hard. And, let's be honest, there's not much great conversation with small children.
I love seeing the incipient adults in them, along with the flashes of the mad toddlers they were.

You’re absolutely right to seek therapy, OP. No one talks about what you’re experiencing because they generally feel it as a momentary sadness and nostalgia, not as the kind of intense, obsessive grief you seem to be feeling. No, you can’t go back to that little boy, but you have all kinds of future fabulousness ahead. Plus he hasn’t gone anywhere — he’s there in your house, alive and lovely and challenging and just as loveable as the small child he used to be, and needing you just as much, but in different ways.

What a lovely post. I agree with you.

Thank you all for your messages… it’s really sunk in each and every one! I’m feeling tons better today with a clear head about it all! My oldest went to meet his friends today at the park for pretty much all of the day, I was around with my youngest playing with him, keeping an eye on him but knowing not too get to close to embarrass him in front of the lads 😂 I’m thinking to mentally prepare for me now when they won’t need me so much and that is to go travelling but of course that won’t be anytime soon, but it’s something for me to look forward to when I feel sad how quick they are growing up! They will always need me I know, I don’t have a relationship with my parents they are awful and I think it hit me today why I’m feeling like this… as my boys will be in my life forever, they will always have a room and love in my house whatever their age! Ps… I am seeking therapy next month still. X

It is really exciting getting to know each new person they turn into as time passes. Lots to enjoy ....

Yes me too. I can't watch the videos of my late son because my heart is broken and I will never recover.

Well this thread has taken me from on the fence about number three to going for number three! It does go so so quickly

I can't really relate to how you feel Op as I found the baby years hard and in fact it was all a struggle. Now I have 3 adults and it's the best its ever been. We go out,go for lunches ,cocktails,to.the theatre...
I visit their homes,spend time with their partners, have deep conversations and lots of banter.
I love having grown up children. Seriously. It's great.

I know right and I need to get this is in my head, it’s amazing how they are now… such lovely polite boys.

I cried tonight when the santa sleigh came round. 18 year old with emotional issues and never goes out did come and look but watching the little kids in the road all excited took me back to when they were little and happy.

See this hits me hard now!! It’s bloody hard so hard knowing that time has gone.. it’s like a grief isn’t it. I am getting therapy next month, I know I will need it for the years to come as they go so bloody fast. Hope your 18 year old is ok… still soooo young at 18 needing you

so sorry to hear this, sounds very painful, what happened? X

Go for it

Thank you for this… this is what I’ve never had with my family and I think this is why I feel in my mad head”it’s the end” it’s not… we have the strongest bond me and my boys, they know I love them so much but I’m also so aware it their life…. I will never smother them. This is the dream though and well done to you to appreciate it

He died. If his friend had known basic first aid he would still be here.
Everyone should learn some first aid and make sure their children do too before they are old enough to go out with their mates or go to university.

I just wanted to say I did not mean to sound selfish. I am totally grateful I have my son. Just going through a lot mentally. Thinking of all the parents that have lost their children.

Weird thinking my son can legally drink my daughter is 20 next yr I still have a 15 10 and 9

Aww op I hear you. From my own personal experience of this, I had a period of weeping at bedtime about this, it was a very intense sadness that I'd never have my dds as small children again. Turns out it was the start of perimenopause for me. Not saying its the case for you, but just to flag it up as a possibility. Now it makes sense for me as at the time I thought I was going mad!

He turned 12 on Monday. I have been an emotional wreck again, where did the primary years go!!! I wish I could go back just 3 years

I am so sorry / very sad. How old was he? Xx