Crying so much that my children are older

[Caz86123]

I can’t stop looking back at videos when my boys were so young like 2 and 5 they are now 8 nearly 9 and nearly 12. I don’t know where the time has gone and it breaks my heart I can’t get any time back. I miss them so much being that small I love them so much and I need help I know

That's so true

I don't have a partner and no real friends tbh, sounds lonely I know but it's always been me and my two boys, which is why probs feeling like this now. I just want to focus all my energy on the boys

Yes I spend all my time with them and it's great fun. We went to Morrocco last year and planning on jan too, do lots of days out with them now, it's always been us 3 at christmas too, it's been magical and still will be, just goes so bloody quick which is none of our fault, life is too short

I can't relate to this at all. Aren't you looking foward to all the life milestones?

That's not healthy at all. For you or them.

You’re doing a good job if you enjoy watching them grow and thrive, whilst also thinking how lucky you are.

You still have loads of time left, 10 years at the very least! Just make the most of the time you have with them while they're still young.

Remember that they must of course grow up and be independent eventually.

They'll always be your children no matter how old they are. My kids are in their 40s now, but still my kids and always will be.

what's not healthy? so I should be with a partner just for the sake of it? They have friends of course, my oldest has regular sleepovers etc with friends, I must add i was with an ex bf 2 years ago for a year, he had 3 kids and mine all got along and out of the blue....he ended it!! So... All my time now is spent with my boys as life goes so quick, we are all different but I know this is healthy

My daughter is coming back to see me from uni tomorrow! Try not to be maudlin

Not healthy that your children are the entirety of your focus. They will grow, move out, get their own life. Can you let them go happily?

No one is asking you to get a partner but this is extremely unhealthy and not normal:

I just want to focus all my energy on the boys

All my time now is spent with my boys

Don’t waste these years missing those years. They’ll go in fast too. Gently, your boys will, if you are lucky, be off to uni (and one could well have graduated) within 10 years, so as good as it is to spend as much time with them as possible they will start pulling away, so make sure you develop your own interests and hobbies and friendships, because you will need them.

Well I think it's normal to be a bit wistful for the earlier stages of having children... I've always tried to enjoy each new stage and find positives. You can't keep them little forever!

It is hard to see the years slipping by,
but as they grew they are going to hopefully be more independent, lean more into friendships and life outside the 3 of you
I would suggest you start preparing yourself mentally for that adjustment and start to construct a life for yourself alongside your role as a mum - it will help to weather the adjustment as they naturally need you and want you less

I used to feel the same way until my son almost died a few months after he turned 8 and now he's turning 10 in a few weeks, I feel nothing but grateful that he has the chance to grow up because he very nearly didn't.

They aren't babies any more of course but they are still incredibly young. Enjoy them because you'll miss this stage one day too.

Of course i am..but my point and reality is that many people don't think about is how quick it all goes by, like sooooo fast, that is hard to deal with. I love every day with them, I have always loved life, just emotional watching back to old vids knowing that I can't get them days back and how unfair it is to go so quick. It may sound mad I know.

Even my DGC are growing up now (5&8) and it is unlikely there will be any more. You just have to make the most of every age and stage as it comes and make sure you have your own life too (hobbies, friends, maybe another partner in the fullness of time) so that you will not feel quite so bereft as they grow up and make their own lives, as they absolutely should of course.

I appreciate if you are a single parent it can be hard to make time for yourself but maybe you can join a gym, do some online study, volunteer or someing like that? You might make some friends, develop interests, get ready for the next phase of your life.

You need friends, OP. Your children should not be the only people in your life.

Thank you for your message and believe me I cherish every day, how did he nearly die? I understand how grateful you must be, we must enjoy every moment xx your comment has hit home

Relatable. You're not alone OP. Ignore those telling you you're over the top. Sounds like your doing a great job in challenging circumstances. Enjoy the tunes you have with them now. They are becoming more independent and showing you new sides to themselves.

Thank you...🙂I will ignore for sure as I know I'm a good mum and always tried my best

Sorry, but I disagree that it is totally normal!

Looking back with fondness, nostalgia and a tinge of sadness? Absolutely.

But crying and feeling very sad - no, sorry I can’t understand this and would gently suggest the OP needs to work on what’s lacking in her life to feel so sad.

Seeing your children grown into the next stage and marvelous young people is incredible - an immense source of pride, joy and excitement for the incredible people they’re turning in to.

Please embrace the next stages and enjoy the moment - they too will be gone before you know it and you’ll really kick yourself if you don’t.

I think you need to work on having an identity and fuller life that is outside of just your kids.

Being a good mum and always trying your best is without doubt! Doesn’t mean you’re not being over the top though.