Crying so much that my children are older

[Caz86123]

I can’t stop looking back at videos when my boys were so young like 2 and 5 they are now 8 nearly 9 and nearly 12. I don’t know where the time has gone and it breaks my heart I can’t get any time back. I miss them so much being that small I love them so much and I need help I know

I am sorry you feel like this. I would concentrate on the here and now. I love each new stage, my eldest is no longer living at home but we get the joy of visiting, going for a drink, meals out. Being proud of their achievements and helping when things are tough. Your kids are still very young and you have loads of time😊

It’s fun seeing them grow up! Maybe you need a bit more of a life outside of being a mum as they’ll very quickly be teenagers and even more independent.

What are you going to be like when they grow up and move out?

They’re still those little people, but older and with different needs now, OP. They haven’t gone anywhere.

And it’s lovely watching DS (13) develop independence and his own thoughts and preferences.

HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL? MY CHILD IS 21 years old and i MISS her! I was be here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.

You know what, having children that have grown up is a lot better than having children that don't get that opportunity. Of course you can miss them being little but you can always enjoy the now and look forward to their futures.

You need some hobbies

Mine are now 19 and 21 and I promise you have so much to look forward to. Of course, I miss being with them all the time but feel very proud of them and of the relationship I have with them.

You sound like a lovely mum and you will feel this way, too when they are older.

I totally understand this because I really get emotional at every little stage. They grow so fast and life is so busy, you really can feel like they’re being whisked away from you. Are you someone who struggles with change, by any chance? I am. I like my comfort zone and hate it when forced to change a situation that I’m happy with. Sadly that mentality does not lend itself well to parenthood because it is entirely made up of change.

I don’t have any helpful advice I’m afraid, because I haven’t worked out how to do it myself. But I do know that the answer is to look for the joy in that change instead of fearing it. Your kids are doing exactly what they’re supposed to do - growing up. You’re winning. Try to find a way to celebrate it. Good luck!

Well definitely stop crying! Or you will not enjoy the moment and will have wasted it!

We can none of us get time back - growing up is about accepting that painful fact. My children are adults now with children of their own and life frankly is a series of losses - it is what it is all about. But each loss has a commensurate gain - I try and take joy in the moment - in seeing them develop as personalities and adults in their own right.

If you don't get your head round the fact of life being one loss after another you will be very unhappy. If you accept that you will learn to see the gains that run alongside.

Much like Shrek, children are like onions. They have layers. The little version is still in there, it's still part of them, just further down.

Ah OP i know how you feel 💐

My best advice, now that you know how quickly time flies, is to make sure you make the most of them on a daily basis. No regrets then from thinking 'there's loads of time' and finding there isn't !

I'm not talking about expensive days out, i'm talking about being present mentally for them when you're at home together with a bit of quality time just chatting and laughing and giving them a hug every day 😊

This is totally normal and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it ❤️ Every age is almost like a new version of your child and of course you're going to mourn losing a version, especially when the version that replaces it doesn't feel like your child, e.g. your little girl that grows into a stroppy, mean teenager. It's life and it's hard. I feel you. It doesn't mean you need a hobby etc, it means you're a parent x

Mine are similar ages, and I love it. Loved the little stage too, but now I feel like I can be ‘me’ again instead of mum first and foremost.

OP you need to make sure you have hobbies, friends/partner and interests outside of your kids, so that when they hit the independent teen phase you will be ok with it.

Mine are 14 and 17. I can relate to those feelings, but I am loving seeing them grow into their own people.

Surely at 8 & 12 you still spending a lot of time with them, its not like they have left home.

We all miss the little stage of them being cute, but also seeing them grow in to the people they will be is wonderful to see.

The teen years are the best! You have that to look forward to.

If you have a good relationship with your dc, every year is more fun than the previous. Mine are late teens, and I've never enjoyed them so much. Of course when I see pictures of them young a get a little wistfulness, but I wouldn't trade who they are now to get them back!

I feel the same and my dc is only 4!

I try not to dwell on the past because it just spoils the enjoyment of them at their current age.

I don't wish to be That Person but I guess in going to be - some parents will have to care for their children for the rest of their lives. Try to be grateful that your children can grow up.

Hard truth 1: they don't exist for your pleasure

Hard truth 2: if they sense they're being smothered in any way they're less likely to want to be around you when adults, which is most of your and their lives (mine are teen/adult and the teen just grunts but I do enjoy being with him).

To make you feel better: show them the photos and recordings and enjoy their changes together. They'll love your positive attention.

Absolutely.

I read a quote once that went something along the lines of, “To be a parent is to constantly grieve the person that your child will never be again.”

We all miss those cute stages, but it’s really not helpful to anyone if you can’t stop crying over it. Enjoy them for who they are now. One day you'll miss them at the age they are now.

9 and 12 are way nicer ages.
Think of all the fun family stuff you can do, games you can play, days out you can have without one or the other being needy and tantrumming, needing naps, getting tired etc.

Stop crying and focus on what you have now because in a few years they'll be adults and you'll be lucky if you see them at all. 😂

Thank you for all your messages - each one has really really helped. I do enjoy every moment with them now..I look back and think I wish I had done things differently etc sometimes which makes me upset, through covid lockdown it was just me and my boys, Single mum who's dad has been very in and out of their lives probs once a weekend to see them... I rem it being hard and not having all the patience, but I loved them so much then and still do of course, just time has flown by too quick and it sucks but that is life which isn't my fault. We went to Morrocco this time last year just us 3 and that seems like only last month!! I will cherish each moment for sure now as yes before I know it...they will be 18!!!