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Original poster

Found messages to other women

99 replies

Amy8 · 27/11/2025 07:37

Well we have seen this type of post on here a million times - so it’s cliche to even write this , and annoyed with myself for being “that stupid woman,” who’s putting up with his excuses but gut instinct is i do believe him

Found messages on husbands phone to other women - them advertising sexual services, so guess off some app or other, he said never met any of them and he would never.

just makes me sick more with the predictability of it all - he’s a great dad and partner , does pretty much everything at home…

we've kids , a house blah blah

what to do now ? This isn’t a question as to whether I stay or leave. I’ll stay or rather let him, but the trust is going to be hard to build again

OP posts:
CryptoFascist · 27/11/2025 07:40

Not sure what advice you want.
You are looking for the impossible - how to trust someone who is not trustworthy.
I'm sorry he's a cheat, it's up to you whether you choose to accept it or leave. You deserve better.

ShowOfHands · 27/11/2025 07:47

He isn't a great dad or partner. He's willing to cheat and it's only messages because that's what's available to him right now. If he doesn't have the moral fortitude, loyalty and good grace not to actively seek out interactions with women whose sole purpose online is to offer sexual services, he has shown you exactly who he is.

He doesn't respect you and this won't get any better. I am truly sorry but you will be setting yourself up for more of the same. Or worse.

CandyCaneKisses · 27/11/2025 07:49

You’re rolling over and accepting it so now he thinks it’s OK.

Sleepyandtiredandlazy · 27/11/2025 07:50

he said never met any of them and he would never

That is what the response ALWAYS is on these threads OP. If he was looking for women providing sexual services then if he hasn't used then yet of course he was going to.

And you say he’s a great dad and partner
Well he obviously isn't if he is messaging other women for sex when you are supposedly in a monogamous marriage.

You will never know whether this is the first time he has done this. Men who pay women for sex have the mindset that this is an acceptable way to treat women. And it is a habit, not one off behaviour.

Personally the trust would be gone for me.

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP.

TennisLady · 27/11/2025 07:52

If you’re going to “believe” him (because really, you know you don’t) and stay with him anyway, you’re giving him permission to continue (he won’t suddenly stop this behaviour because you found out, he’ll just be more careful).

bignewprinz · 27/11/2025 07:54

Just one go at this life. One. Leave him.

Slinketypokey · 27/11/2025 07:54

It’s a slippery slope.

Perhaps he hasn’t seen these women yet, but if you believe he went to the trouble to research, download, get details and message and never would act on this, you are a fool, I’m sorry. It might take months or years to get the courage, but one day he would.

Honestly I have massive, massive issues with men who would engage in anything sex worker related (the idea of paying someone to have sex is to me one step away from rape as it’s not a person who really wants to have sex with you) so for me it would be a red line - and I’ve forgiven my husband an actual affair before, but it was with a consenting adult women. Had it been some poor trafficked sex worker off an app there would have been no going back.

Anyway. Sounds like you want to stay with him. Go to therapy. It’s not about rebuilding trust it’s about that he was looking elsewhere in the first place. He aint happy. You may be but he is actively looking elsewhere. Maybe you know the reason, maybe things need to be spicier in the bedroom, maybe he just sees you as a friend now. There will be a reason and sure as night follows day if you don’t get to the bottom of it, he will cheat eventually.

I work in a very male industry and have spent the last 20 years as one of the lads. I’ve seen it over and over - sometimes the nicest guys but once they’ve had their head turned sometimes it takes years for them to act on it but they do eventually. Sorry.

ThisAutumnTown · 27/11/2025 07:54

‘He said he never met any of them and would never’

Would you message multiple plumbers about their services if you didn’t actually need/want any plumbing doing?
Of course he was using them - or at least planning to.

They ALL say that. I’ve seen it a million times on here.
’I was just doing it for the thrill. I’ve never met any of them. I just feel you’re not giving me a lot of affection/sex/intimacy and liked the flirting etc’

Original poster
Amy8 · 27/11/2025 08:46

Everyone one of you commenting would leave ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy8 · 27/11/2025 08:46

bignewprinz · 27/11/2025 07:54

Just one go at this life. One. Leave him.

As a widow I don’t think that’s true

OP posts:
iSage · 27/11/2025 08:54

what to do now ? This isn’t a question as to whether I stay or leave. I’ll stay or rather let him, but the trust is going to be hard to build again

I think you have answered your own question - you've already decided you're going to stay and try to rebuild trust. You know your husband better than we do. Most here would think he had crossed a line with this behaviour and would leave/ask him to leave. If you think there is enough of a solid foundation in your marriage to stay, then best of luck.

Endofyear · 27/11/2025 09:15

I have no idea how you build trust again with a partner who was messaging prostitutes. I would never trust him again.

Original poster
Amy8 · 27/11/2025 09:17

Also called some - no answer
I think he was messaging some people pranking him

what an idiot

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy8 · 27/11/2025 09:17

Endofyear · 27/11/2025 09:15

I have no idea how you build trust again with a partner who was messaging prostitutes. I would never trust him again.

honestly trust me u never really know what a man’s doing - glad you’re confident enough though

OP posts:
PrizedPickledPopcorn · 27/11/2025 09:23

I couldn’t look at him the same way. It wouldn’t be about trust. It would be about whether I loved, respected and fancied a man I knew had been messaging sex workers.

And I couldn’t.

Glamba · 27/11/2025 09:25

How will you feel having sex with him from now on? That's quite a lot to get your head around for as long as you both shall live.

Endofyear · 27/11/2025 10:33

Amy8 · 27/11/2025 09:17

honestly trust me u never really know what a man’s doing - glad you’re confident enough though

Show quote history

I've been married 35 years and he's never given me reason not to trust him - feel like you're projecting here!

TwoTuesday · 27/11/2025 10:48

If you're letting him do this/ turning a blind eye etc, he should let you have your fun elsewhere too, if that's what you want. It should work both ways. You know you can't trust him now, so act accordingly, and protect your health too as he could be exposing you to STIs.

Original poster
Amy8 · 27/11/2025 10:55

TwoTuesday · 27/11/2025 10:48

If you're letting him do this/ turning a blind eye etc, he should let you have your fun elsewhere too, if that's what you want. It should work both ways. You know you can't trust him now, so act accordingly, and protect your health too as he could be exposing you to STIs.

Not interested in that

OP posts:
Edenmum2 · 27/11/2025 11:05

OP i really don’t know what you want from this thread. You’re not going to leave him, you think all men are doing it, you’re getting snappy with the replies….what do you want people to say?

SuperSharpShooter · 27/11/2025 11:15

Well, you've let him get away with it now so he'll do it again and probably more.

Let him stay if you think it's worth it.
He's not a great Dad though. Would you advise one of your kids to stay in such a relationship?

Your kids won't thank you for staying in this relationship - dig deep for your self worth OP, for you and your kids.
Your husband is gross.

TwoTuesday · 27/11/2025 11:18

Amy8 · 27/11/2025 10:55

Not interested in that

Show quote history

Well what about some Lily Allen style rules for him then? "It should always be with strangers/involve payment/not be blatant"? Would that make it more palatable, seeing as you think he'll do it anyway?

Followthesunshine · 27/11/2025 11:19

Leave? I'd have already left, or more accurately have kicked him out. I'd rather be alone forever than put up with that level of disrespect.

Original poster
Amy8 · 27/11/2025 11:28

Followthesunshine · 27/11/2025 11:19

Leave? I'd have already left, or more accurately have kicked him out. I'd rather be alone forever than put up with that level of disrespect.

Good for you

I have decided to set boundaries and work on his motivations

I know we have a strong foundation - which often means this type of behaviour can be corrected as I believe he’s genuinely remorseful and willing to repair things.

OP posts:
Edenmum2 · 27/11/2025 11:42

Amy8 · 27/11/2025 11:28

Good for you

I have decided to set boundaries and work on his motivations

I know we have a strong foundation - which often means this type of behaviour can be corrected as I believe he’s genuinely remorseful and willing to repair things.

Show quote history

Great, maybe delete the thread then as it’s absolutely pointless?