Found messages to other women

[Amy8]

Well we have seen this type of post on here a million times - so it’s cliche to even write this , and annoyed with myself for being “that stupid woman,” who’s putting up with his excuses but gut instinct is i do believe him

Found messages on husbands phone to other women - them advertising sexual services, so guess off some app or other, he said never met any of them and he would never.

just makes me sick more with the predictability of it all - he’s a great dad and partner , does pretty much everything at home…

we've kids , a house blah blah

what to do now ? This isn’t a question as to whether I stay or leave. I’ll stay or rather let him, but the trust is going to be hard to build again

I stayed for the kids until it started to drive me crazy. As they've grown up they said they would have been far happier if I'd left him sooner.
Better to have a happy (albeit skint) independent mum than grow up thinking that their parents' dysfunctional relationship is how things should be.

So you wrote a thread to say he’s messaging other women, what do I do and when offered advice you just say “well I’m staying with him anyway because we’re great together”. Ok then, why did you even post?

OP - you're getting a hard time here. Its very hard to know how you will react til it happens to you, and I guess you just want somewhere to vent.

Ok let me get this straight.

your husband has been messaging women for sexual services, but you feel every one was a fake profile, with no woman behind it, and he was being conned in some way? And as they were fake, he never met anyone.

this is your belief?

I agree

it doesn’t matter who they were - it’s what he did and how we move past it that matters to me

But you said there was no who, they were all fake, so yes it does matter, as you said the reason you know he’s not being paying for sex is they were all fake.

Look they clearly were real women behind it, it is ok to say look he’s been paying for sex with prostitutes, and I’m going to accept it as I want to stay for the lifestyle and am scared of being alone.

I mean it wouldn’t be for me, but it is your choice. How to move on? Pretend you don’t beleive he’s been having sex with other women and just keep going. Convince yourself of it, so it doesn’t eat you up

im not naive ! I’m not even just staying “for the kids .” I don’t think there’s another partner for me out there - but that doesn’t mean I’d tolerate this is a second time, I also think we both need to work on our relationship

Ive definitely not been appreciative of his efforts - pretty much doing it all, but that was a blip
pf about 6 months and in that time - I don’t think I’d have cared what he’s been up to!

he is so rubbish with his phone - so I know it happened once and also just this week, the messages were so pathetic too - he doesn’t even know how to ask for sexual services.

we had a big chat, he has been told about what I need and well I heard some home truths too.

He’s not been having sex with other women- was the intention to try to, I’ll never know. I discovered the messages - but he’s never done anything like it and there’s more to our relationship that this indiscretion.

you don’t get to tell me my reality. I don’t really care what you’d tolerate.

are you also very sure that if your husband wasn’t happy with you - for valid or invalid reasons he’d never do anything similar ?

im glad you can be so sure of something seeing as you’re so blessed to never have a man who would.

it’s a two way relationship- I know we need to work at us. No one is perfect and I accept that from him as he has from me,

so easy to be on a high horse behind a keyboard “I would NEVER.” I’ve learnt the hard way - never say never

have a blessed life in your perfect world

I’m not your enemy or problem here,

and you don’t need to try to have sex with prositutes, it’s a paid for service.

You’re judgemental

use to the type

glass houses n all

Goodness you sound more pissed off with me than your husband. I assume I’ve hit a nerve and you don’t like it

I have no idea what you mean about glass houses, but I can assure you my husband doesn’t pay to have sex with other women.

What did his messages say?

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Not only at home but online. I would say that although people seem harsh it's because a lot of us have seen it before. I've divorced two cheating husbands but I know when I was in the throes of finding out I so desperately wanted to believe their 'devastation' and promises it wouldn't happen again. It did. It sounds to me like you are starting the pick me dance and are trying to reassure yourself that your relationship is not like all the others. And it may not be - but don't discount the possibilty that your husband just may turn out to be like many others gone before him. I wish you luck.

Why did you start this thread? You’ve clearly made your mind up.
if you’re looking for people to validate your decision then maybe start a thread on a web forum for men who contemplate or actually go on to cheat on their wives

Also, yes — for those who’ve clocked it, I’d basically made my decision before I even posted. I was always going to stay.

It’s also why I posted here anonymously instead of talking to a lot of the women in my network, even the ones I call “best friends.” They say they don’t judge, but they do - all smiles to your face, then privately thinking, “thank God that’s not me, poor her.” I can’t deal with that. I need to focus on my partner and on us, not on other people’s commentary or judgement and I wouldn’t put this business out there for that.

trust me there a lot like me in your closest if circles

trust me there a lot like me in your closest if circles

that’s not something you know. Does it make you feel better to think many other husbands are paying for sex and their wives know and accept it? Less alone?

I’m sure there are many married men who pay for sex like your husband, I don’t think it’s the majority of married men, by a long way, certainly a minority , and it certainly doesn’t mean their wives know and accept it, which will be even less I think saying a lot of women are like you is more wishful thinking than reality.

many women do turn a blind eye to cheating , many accept affairs to maintain the lifestyle, and some will even turn a blind eye to prostitution use I’m sure if they can’t stomach leaving , but a lot? I’m sorry no I don’t think that’s the case.

Wild that OP seems more willing and able to get mad at the people on this thread than her own husband who has been checks notes messaging other women to try and sleep with them.

OP, there's nothing much you can do here. If you're willing to accept the toll this will inevitably take on your mental health, all you can do is keep telling yourself that this is happening in 50% of marriages while just hoping that he doesn't do it again. And he just has to hope you don't find out when he does.

inevitably ? It would be a worse impact on me to leave my husband , some women rejoice in telling women to divorce or leave

seen the type

If you've been be looking at your partners phone periodically it's because you don't trust him, basically you're with a man who you don't trust. Not only that but you feel it's your responsability to do all the leg work. You're married to a man child and acting like his mom.

Seems like you just posted because you wanted to vent your anger at someone, and you're too scared to vent it at the real source of your issues.

People are trying to help and you're attacking them.

You’re coming across as a bit of a pick-me, putting down other women to justify your partner or normalize the state of your marriage. If you choose to return to your unfaithful husband, that’s entirely up to you, your choife. But there’s no reason to be snappy at other posters. You asked a question, and people are simply sharing what they tolerate or not. If you don’t want to hear those opinions, you can always delete or lock the thread instead of wishing negativity on other people’s relationships just because they don’t mirror yours.

This has to be a troll/rage baiting thread - there's no way the OP can be this defensive and dismissive of everyone's comments.

OP you are either picking arguments/making up crap for entertainment or if its genuine then its to distract yourself from the fact your husband was trying to get with other women. You dont need to prove your choices to strangers on the internet. As you say, you've made your choice so what is this thread even for?

I think she wanted to hear from others in her situation. Like it’s normal your husband is apparently getting pranked by fake sex worker profiles, and trying to contact these women to pay them to have sex with him. Multiples as well. How are they even finding him, these fake prostitutes.

its all so scummy im not sure she will find what she’s looking for.

op, best to just ask this to be deleted. You’ve got it nailed, nothing happened, he was targeted by fake prostitutes.