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Do you have a good relationship with your MIL

86 replies

Rosemary183 · 25/11/2025 08:04

I’m curious. My relationship with mine has been full of tensions and unsaid upsets. She’s not much of a communicator and tends to try to get her feelings across to us through SILs being the messenger. She doesn’t want to change. I haven’t seen her in years and my marriage has been so much more peaceful for it. I think we’re just extremely different and see the world in different ways, but I do wonder what it would be like to get on well with a MIL.

OP posts:
wildfellhall · 25/11/2025 21:04

I adore my MIL; she’s a loving, tolerant poppet who adores my kids.
She’s beyond generous.
I feel ridiculously lucky.
But when I was younger I had to put up with some of her quirks and I’m sure the same true for her.
overall - if you have a good MIL, it’s a huge plus.
i really feel for you OP

GripGetter · 25/11/2025 21:06

My MIL despises whoever is with her son. So we have never met, and DH is very LC with her.

DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 25/11/2025 21:07

Yes, my MIL is the best. She's a better mum to me than mine ever was ❤️

Tryingatleast · 25/11/2025 21:08

Yup. I always say we’re proof men marry their mams, we have similar reactions to things, like similar things, similar sense of humour. She’s a great lady (not tooting my own horn there😅😅😅)

almondandseasalt · 25/11/2025 22:40

Not at all - she’s a cold Mother and non existent grandmother. I can’t stand being in her company, even her voice gives me the rage. We are very, very, low contact - not that she’s has ever visited anyway - despite living a 5 minute drive away.

cravingdales · 25/11/2025 22:54

No. I’m Asian and not from the UK. She wasn’t obvioulsy racist when we first met but there were little comments that made me go hmmmm. Since then however she’s openly said she voted for Brexit because her friends voted for it but also because the ‘foreigners are taking their jobs’. She’s very fickle. She and father in law are quite mean to my husband, bordering on cruel sometimes. Her second son is the golden child as he has given her grandkids and my husband wasn’t able to. It’s been years since I’ve seen them and have a peaceful life for it.

Arlanymor · 25/11/2025 23:00

My ex-MIL wasn't horrible, but she was a lot to handle. Thought it was 'funny' when my ex's older brother wanted to go on holiday with his girlfriend but didn't have holiday left, so told his boss that his brother (my husband) had died. I got a wreath delivered... and she said: "Boys will be boys, don't make him lose his job Arlanymor by telling his boss, he made a mistake!" He was fucking 35!!!!

Yes, so, we clashed on 'basic' issues of what was fine and not fine. She was nice enough to me but I got the sense she would hide a family member in her shed if they committed a murder. Not for me. But thankfully my ex cheated so I got to exit... and not in the shed.

Mydoghealsmyheart · 25/11/2025 23:05

courageiscontagious · 25/11/2025 12:02

No, she absolutely hates me and spends her days dragging my name through the mud. I have nothing to do with her anymore and neither does her son. His decision, but according to MIL- all my evil doing.

I completely relate to this. My MIL is a vile, hateful person and we don’t have anything to do with her now although she’d say the feeling is mutual!

Notexactlyasplanned · 25/11/2025 23:07

Yes - we are very different people but she’s respectful of me as a mum; supportive of all of us as a family; and (after a few stumbles early on when the kids were little) we navigate our differences well. We’ll sometimes we do stuff together but less so now she’s slowing down a bit. She’s a great person, and I can see her influence within Dh.

TwooooDoooozenRoses · 25/11/2025 23:09

Yes, very. She annoys me a bit because she’s, frankly, terribly lazy and prone to a bit of oneupmanship when it comes to misery and hard luck and I’m sure I annoy her a bit in various ways but ultimately I love her dearly. She’s good and kind and has raised a wonderful man, and she adores my babies, so what more could I want?

Rosemary183 · 26/11/2025 12:08

My MIL really wants involvement with DCs and I want to facilitate it, but everytime I try, she becomes quite dismissive and stubborn on issues which are important to me. Seems she wants closeness with her grandkids but how I feel about privacy issues/her expectations just isn’t a factor to consider for her. I find that too hard to manage along with life/work and it results in low contact for them and NC with me. Honestly not how I envisaged or hoped things would be.

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 26/11/2025 12:19

Yes I absolutely love mine, she's basically my second mum.

We're very, very different people but manage to get on like a house on fire anyway. I think I've been very lucky!

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 26/11/2025 12:42

No, unfortunately my MiL and I do not have a good relationship at all. She has spent our lives together making ‘clumsy’ and unkind comments about really dreadful parts of my life and I can’t forgive her for them. She visits very rarely so we are VLC and that’s best I think.

Rosemary183 · 26/11/2025 13:11

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 26/11/2025 12:42

No, unfortunately my MiL and I do not have a good relationship at all. She has spent our lives together making ‘clumsy’ and unkind comments about really dreadful parts of my life and I can’t forgive her for them. She visits very rarely so we are VLC and that’s best I think.

I can understand that. You have to put yourself and immediate family first. I get anxious thinking about my MIL and that was such a red flag for me, made me realise that it was best to take myself away from it.

OP posts:
Rosemary183 · 26/11/2025 13:23

Mydoghealsmyheart · 25/11/2025 23:05

I completely relate to this. My MIL is a vile, hateful person and we don’t have anything to do with her now although she’d say the feeling is mutual!

I find it really difficult as well because the feeling I have towards her and her stubbornness against my wishes, now makes me feel so anxious and upset by the occasions when my DH takes children there. Whether that’s fair or not is another matter.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 26/11/2025 16:23

@Rosemary183 When you say stubborness against your wishes, what are we talking about. Do you mean she sneaks the kids a few sweets behind your back, or does she take them to the pub and get pissed? Is she guilty of "normal" grandparent indulgence and some old fashioned thinking or does she actually do really harmful and dangerous things?

Maryberrysbouffant · 26/11/2025 16:42

I have a polite/friendly relationship with her (known her 40 years) and no issues but we are not close.

That said, she isn’t close to anyone even her own kids. She’s just one of those “polite but distant” people.

Rosemary183 · 26/11/2025 16:53

ginasevern · 26/11/2025 16:23

@Rosemary183 When you say stubborness against your wishes, what are we talking about. Do you mean she sneaks the kids a few sweets behind your back, or does she take them to the pub and get pissed? Is she guilty of "normal" grandparent indulgence and some old fashioned thinking or does she actually do really harmful and dangerous things?

Not dangerous things. More things that I don’t agree with, like asking my children to keep secrets from me and DH. She’s quite a private person generally, but I find that even if relating to toys/food/other things, asking my children to keep secrets from me because she knows I wouldn’t approve or agree with it isn’t what I want. I’ve addressed it with her and it didn’t change anything.

OP posts:
Lastfroginthebox · 27/11/2025 11:06

I've been divorced for nearly 20 years but I love my MIL and still see her regularly. She's just a lovely person.

Whatthefork1 · 07/04/2026 12:00

Mine is an awful person and I wish DP would finally go no contact, but unfortunately she has emotionally manipulated him from a young age, she’s the ultimate narcissistic mother.

The worst thing she’s done to me, was kick me and DP out of her house and pretty much made us homeless as my family live 4 hours away and we had to live in a caravan (we had to live with her for a couple of months waiting on our house sale to go through, biggest mistake ever!), I will also mention the fact that I was 12 weeks pregnant at the time with our first child. She accused me of stealing from her and screamed in my face to “never ask her for help with our child”.

She no longer leaves her house because she has “terrible back pain and mental health issues”. She everything with her is attention seeking. Unless my DP is running around after her, she’s not happy.

Her favourite lines she uses to my partner are “you treat me like this after all I’ve done for you”, “I put a roof over your head and food on the table”, “fine, don’t bother, you don’t care about me”.

its EXHAUSTING and quite frankly, I hate the woman. My partner has some issues himself that come through childhood trauma, based on the way his mum was over the years.

my children don’t see her often and I would never, ever let her have them on her own, but I really want to go no contact with her and the children because I don’t want them around the damaging behaviour. My DP thinks that is unfair and not acceptable as she is their “grandmother”. It’s really difficult.

RoyalImpatience · 07/04/2026 12:15

@SlightTickle I can't imagine being that uninterested in my child's partner ?

RoyalImpatience · 07/04/2026 12:17

@Whatthefork1

Do they have a granny your side ? She's mentally unwell but also nasty.

What's unfair is life has given them that granny.
However sometimes these awful parents can become amazing granny

MermaidMummy06 · 07/04/2026 12:21

Well, I cried with relief when my MIL passed away. An incredibly abusive, controlling and nasty person. Ruined my wedding, DD's 1st birthday (had herself carted of to hospital because I threw her out after another abusive rant) and I could go on. I cut them off.

The sad part is that if they'd been nice, I would have done anything for them.

RoyalPenguin · 07/04/2026 12:24

My MIL and I have a civil relationship, but she is difficult and I find it quite draining to spend much time with her. I do it for DH's sake and because she means well - she's not a nasty person, but she's stubborn and not good at seeing anyone else's point of view.

RoyalImpatience · 07/04/2026 12:27

@Rosemary183 our relationship is extremely sad for me as I have little family my side.
Id love another house to go to and family to spend time with.
We have tried over the years but unfortunately the pain and bitter negativity ,the way she treats DH etc arnt worth it.

I hope I can be more open and easy going when I'm a grandma.
Try and go with the flow and simply respect my DC wishes.