Do you have a good relationship with your MIL

[Rosemary183]

I’m curious. My relationship with mine has been full of tensions and unsaid upsets. She’s not much of a communicator and tends to try to get her feelings across to us through SILs being the messenger. She doesn’t want to change. I haven’t seen her in years and my marriage has been so much more peaceful for it. I think we’re just extremely different and see the world in different ways, but I do wonder what it would be like to get on well with a MIL.

Mine sadly passed away some years ago. I did have a very good relationship with her though.

Yes in general. We are quite different and I do accept that some of her views are a bit oldfashion (she is 87) and while she loves DD, she sometimes struggles to understand a 21st century teenager.
But as DH is a single child and they don't have a lot of regular contact with their friends' grandchildren I think that is understandable.

We live in two different countries and skype regularly as a family and visit once a year. I don't think we would be best pals and do things together alone if we would be living closer but I know that she would help without any questions if I had any problems or that I would drop everything if they need me/us.

Yes, I get on well with mine. She’s quite old-fashioned and set her ways and I do remember when I had DC some of her advice was overbearing & I wouldn’t have said we got on then, but we certainly never Had a big falling out but I did struggle with her back then. Over the years I’ve learned to accept her ways and a really big step was acknowledging that actually she’s a really kind & well meaning lady who loves my husband very much & he loves her, so it was important for me to build a relationship of my own and we now get on well.
She doesn’t live near us, but will come and stay for a week at a time longer at Christmas and we spend time together as a family and I’ll do things like take a shopping and go out for a coffee together. She says I’m the daughter she never had which is lovely IMO.

I have got two sister-in-law‘s and they can’t understand how I put up with her for weeks at a time and they tend to tolerate rather than enjoy her company, which is sad especially as it’s so obvious.

Love mine very, very much and we have an excellent relationship. She is helpful without overstepping, good fun and just a lovely person. I'm very lucky.

The great thing is that you have reached a point where you are low contact and living in peace. There are some women who are not so lucky and have to endure far more contact!

Haven’t seen her in 12 years. It’s been lovely.

Despite living 10 minutes down the road, we rarely see her. Maybe 4 or 5 times a year. She and DH are not close.

I’m quite fond of her, though she’s objectively fairly awful, as DH and most of his siblings would be the first to agree — unimaginative, tactless, bossy. As I am a flexible, imaginative person, I can see exactly why she’s like this, and give her the benefit of the doubt. She just sees me as background noise. I doubt she could tell you the first thing about me, and I’ve been with DH since 1992, training for and working in exactly the same job I do now. I overheard someone asking her at a family event a while back what I did for a living and she said she didn’t know!

I’m really close to mine, technically she’s my ex-mil but we still get on really well and she will go for breakfast / coffee once a month. She also helps ferrying the DC to various clubs if I’m stuck at work or poorly.

On the surface yes.
In my heart, she's a sly, snide bitch and lazy to boot.
I've lost count of the people she has fallen out with and both her dd's left for the other side of the world after university. DH visits monthly, I don't go. I see her about once a year.
She is very elderly now but has always been the same.
When we were having children I had two late miscarriages and ds2 had a heart condition incompatible with life and died after a few hours. Her comment "it's such a shame you can't perform". Plenty of other little jibes over the years, but that comment says all that needs to be said. Often butter doesn't melt when dealing with her but that comme t showed her for who she is and exolains why she's never had any friends.

she sadly passed last year, it was good and bad. She drove me nuts but in her last year I took care of her.

6 years this Christmas Day for me! Its so nice not seeing either PIL.

My mil is in her 80’s. Drives me nuts sometimes but we do have a pretty good relationship. She often does random nice things for me and she loves her grandchildren. I’ll miss her when she’s not around anymore.

Yes we get on even though I find her difficult at times. She isn’t the best at communicating and sometimes has expectations that aren’t really obvious to anyone else. But she is caring and means well. My in laws are very different from my parents in terms of their involvement/interest in DH and my life - my parents are very hands off in comparison and have just treated me like an independent adult pretty much since I finished uni. I try to just see the positive of both approaches.

Overall, yes.

HIs dad's a vicar, I'm Christian and I think she thought she had won the lottery when he brought me home, provided 3DC and he began a regular church goer.

But bloody hell, I've put the work in the last 2 years when I announced that I was divorcing her son (golden child) due to multiple affairs.

I think that her perception Is that I can twice the GC from contact, which I would NEVER do out if of spite.

She's a good and kind woman

I have a cordial relationship with mine. We are a different generation, different social class, different politics, different levels of education- it’s incredibly unlikely that we would be friends. But she’s a good mother and a good grandmother, dp and dc love her and she loves them. Her primary relationship is with them not me and that’s fine-they’re the ones with the shared history!

I got on really well with my ex mil, less so ex fil.

Dp mum passed away several years ago, she was lovely and I miss her.

I love mine. She’s amazing. I’m probably closer to her than my own mum at times, which makes me a bit sad (because I’d like to be closer to my own mum), but also very grateful.

MIL visits every couple of weeks. It’s enough. We get along because I always put out a nice spread and I am polite, respectful and ask her questions about her health, family and what she is up to socially. It is one-sided. She doesn’t really know much about me after all this time. I care less now than before.

Yes, she's fab. As is my FIL.

I also still get on really well with my exes parents and siblings.

But I have always said that I would never get into a serious relationship with someone if I didn't get on with their family (and vice versa). I know it's obviously not always that simple but with both DH and my ex, I met the PIL (and immediate family) fairly quickly and it probably would have been a deal breaker if we'd not got on as you've got to spend huge parts of the rest of your life with these people!

I really like my MIL. She’s glamorous and strong but I don’t think she’s a massive fan of me though. I’m a bit of a scruff and she thinks I’m weak 😂

I love my MIL, she's really fun and a bit of a hippy. My DH only ever called her by her first name, so very much in the friend category rather than a parent.

I find mine hard work, it’s a combination of always insisting things done are her way, catty comments she makes and just generally being difficult to talk to. Dh feels the same to a lesser extent. We see them once or twice a month and it annoys me that I’m expected to attend. My dad is also hard work, I see him weekly (to support his needs) dh sees him 3 or 4 times a year. Yet if I suggest I don’t go dh is concerned they will take offence. Also dh and pil have this weird thing that they think we live far apart (it’s a 45 min drive) so we have to go over night. This is despite the fact we visit other people that distance and don’t stay over.

Yes. She is a very strong character but is absolutely lovely and would do anything for us and the kids. She is also very eccentric and keeps us entertained.

My husband very much manages the relationship with his parents and anything they need so I am able to have a friendly relationship with her and enjoy spending time together.

Mine is very nice and well-meaning but we have nothing in common and I (unfairly) find myself getting very wound up by her.