Stopping Christmas presents at 18

[ThatWardrobe]

We've said that we'll stop giving Christmas presents to my DB's children when they get to 18... But how do you actually do that when there's a younger one? 😂

I don't really speak to my DB, he's a difficult personality but we've never stopped giving birthday and Christmas presents to his two boys even at times we've fallen out so badly we weren't speaking. We have 2 kids too in case that's relevant, they're younger than his.

One of my nephews turned 18 this year, we gave him a big present for his birthday and said it's because it's the last one. He's got a job, works full-time away from home, and has never bought our kids a present (nor would we expect him to). His younger brother is 16. How do I just get the younger one a present though, realistically? Get him a selection box and explain again? The older one will be at home (theirs) over Christmas, but we're very unlikely to see them in person.

I'm very much overthinking this because my relationship with my DB is difficult!

I just stopped, no issues. Then one niece was left as a single parent with two kids and nothing from ex-husband so we started sending her some money and gifts for children. I don't know if other nephews and nieces knew but nothing was ever said.

I don’t understand the problem. The younger one gets a gift the older doesn’t. They aren’t five year olds totting up how many presents each got.

This has been really helpful, thank you!

To the poster who said don't stop giving to the younger one - that was never an option, don't worry! I think it's because I feel like I'll need to explain it again to my brother, who, however gently I remind him, will feel like it gives him an "in" to be arsy with me.

I think I just need to own it like a few of you said and do it breezily. I can't just not say anything - my brother IS the aforementioned 5 year old totting up presents. The kids probably won't care. I'll have to remind DB this time and then it'll be the norm after that. Older kid won't have forgotten that I got him a great 18th present (nor will my bro probably).

I'll send him something like...
Just a heads-up about the Christmas presents: [Younger]'s present is on its way. I think I said at [Older's] birthday, but now he's 18, he's officially retired from being on my Christmas list! Hope that's okay!

I want to do this. Still buying for niece who is 25 but haven't seen her in years! She still lives with her family but doesn’t even say hi when we visit.

Make this year one! Just don't buy anything -I doubt it will be questioned. If it is, I'd say what you have here; she doesn't even speak to you!

As it’s an actual nephew I’d keep buying for them until they have kids of their own. Then I just buy for the great nephew etc. That’s what we do.

My BIL had three DC. We'd always bought him and his wife joint presents which were mainly edible. We slowly swapped over to buying family gifts for everyone to share and carried on buying for the youngest. The older two have been working for a few years, don't give us a card or present. The youngest is 24 and since he had a job he's started giving us a card, a small present and asking to visit (only one that lives away), so we've actually carried on with him as we have a relationship.

I think we would probably have carried on if we saw them but as I said, it's a difficult relationship with my brother so we don't. Not all families are built the same.

At least they say thank you though! To those begrudgingly giving unacknowledged presents into their 20s, make this year the year you stop!

We stopped giving presents to nieces and nephews when they reached 18. Unfortunately our children were much younger and siblings stopped giving to ours when we stopped giving to theirs so ours lost out.

It shouldn't be awkward but it is! My dB has 5 kids, the oldest 3 being 21, 18 and 17. The youngest are 8 and 3. We usually give £20 pounds to each of them on their birthday and at Christmas. They give my younger one the same amount and also gave my eldest till he turned 30. I think they did that to balance things out a bit which they didn't need to. Last year I still gave the eldest 20 pounds each at birthday and Christmas but I don't really want to be doing that till.they are all 30! I feel like it's expected though...my dB has commented and asked for it earlier etc, assuming I am giving them money all the time. I just wanna buy the older ones a token gift now they are over 18 but why does it feel so awkward?