Would you send your baby to nursery if you were a stay at home mum ?

[Senseibility]

If you were a stay at home mum and could afford to happily send your baby to nursery one or two days a week would you? I do because we can afford to im chronically ill my husband is self employed working long unpredictable hours and we have no family help unless it was an emergency as they work. I just feel guilty about sending him even though he loves it. It’s helped cure my PPD and my home life is so much better because of it. I just feel like a bad mum and I desperately wanted to be a stay at home mum

@Sirkeir But surely a SAHM can facilitate socialisation? Lots of groups out there.

Omg yes absolutely they are gone asap! I love being a mum. But not that much🤣

Nursery was great for bringing my 2 year old out his shell he had no siblings has no cousins and back when Covid was happening all those playgroups and baby and parent groups were off.
I think in such situations it would be throwing them in the deep end to not get them used to other kids till 3

It’s probably a damn sight better than a child 24/7 with a chronically ill mother on her knees because she has no family support.

I suppose nowadays it’s possible but My son was 2 during Covid all those groups were shut.

It does depend a lot where you are. If you live in an area where there are very few stay at home parents, there will be very few toddler groups, IME.

I personally wouldn’t, but I can see why others may want / need to.

Depends on the age - not if under 2, a few half days only once over 2.

I had to go back to work when DS was 6 months, single parent so no option - well living on benefits on my parents house was probably an option.

I really wished I could have kept DS home till he was 2.

I did, OP, when DD was about 15 months. 2 afternoons a week so I could get some jobs done on my own and do some stuff for me. She had spent very little time with other children due to COVID and I don't drive, so getting her to local groups was hard. This worked for us.

I agree. Personally, I'd only send at around 2.5/3 years old if a SAHM, but your situation is different.

I would! Especially if your baby enjoys it and is happy there. The socialising is good for them. And you can do all your food shopping/cleaning/relaxing whilst they’re there, so that when they’re home you can be a fully present mum. If I could, I would!

The OP asked would I send my children to nursery. Not should she. I don’t have a chronic condition that affects my ability to care for my children so I answered no, based on my experience of nurseries. For the OP however, nursery may be very helpful.

That is why the government pays for children whose parents receive certain benefit to get free/ reduced fees nursery places. Not all parents have the same capacity. But that doesn’t mean that nursery is utterly fantastic for all children and children gain skills they can’t possibly learn elsewhere.

I'm a sahm and my dcs went to nursery once they were just under 2.5, for about 15 hrs a week. I didn't want them to go until they were verbal and toilet trained, so that worked for us. They had regular social contact before that through classes and groups, but always with one to one attention from me. With dc1 she turned 2 at the first Covid lockdown and I did have her start at nursery a few months earlier than planned, and we were luckily in London so were able to access socially distanced groups even before then, as there were a few running as soon as they were allowed.

I have some health issues but I was able to manage with them at home while they were young because DH is very present and hands-on, and deliberately has a short commute and never works away. And we had a decent age gap so the eldest was in preschool when the youngest was born , so it was rare for me to have 2 dcs on my own for very long. The nurseries we used were paid for, it wasn't part of any funded childcare although there was some funding once the dcs turned 3 (but it was only a small percentage off the bill).

This is great, but I hope you’re aware that it’s a privileged position to be in. Perhaps I’m overly sensitive and you’re not casting aspersions, but it would be difficult for many people to work and not use nursery (limited availability of childminders, expense of a nanny, no family support on tap).

When did your girl go to nursery though? In 2020 you got 15 hours free from 2 nothing to do with my age they didn’t know it (although I did look like a 12 year old 🤣 but they never asked)

I haven’t read the full thread to see if op mentions her child’s exact age but some people call 2 year olds babies and the idea that nursery is only for the parents benefit before the age of 3 and a sahm using it doesn’t want to be around her child and is selfish. An idea a fair few on here hold. I disagree with that, 2 year olds need to play with other kids too

Covid was a bit of a niche situation, with everything being closed. However, I still not believe nursery would be necessary before 3.

Also, how much preparing are we doing? Reception was originally to prepare for proper school in Year 1. Now there is Pre-school to prepare for Reception. Should we have a pre-Pre-School to prepare for Pre-School?

My niece (no siblings/ no cousins) was 1-2 and a half during Covid, went to school nursery at 3 for her 15 free hours totally fine, no problem at all.

both of mine went 5 days a week for half a day. It was brilliant for them. I have highly intensive clingy children, it saved my sanity to have those 5 hours for myself everyday.
my kids absolutely loved it there, and I could never replicate the fun and interesting things they did there at home. Nor did i want to.
If you are able to do so then you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone.
Being a sahm is an exhausting and no thanks job. It’s filled with all the dull, boring and relentlessness. You’re not a better parent if you are miserable/ill and struggle through when you don’t need to- that’s a martyr.
when the dc were at nursery, I would tidy up, cook proper meals, go to the gym, get all our admin/errands/shopping done, have time to take care of myself.
I was a much better mum when I picked them up and we spent the other half of the day focused on them. Evenings were free for family time too. Just do it op. Those who judge you do so because they wish they had the option!

@Ponderingwindow same stance as you haven’t sent any of mine until age 2 potty trained and can talk, will do the same with my last baby whose currently 1. I’m a sahm but I like to have a day or 2 to myself it makes me a better wife / mother

Covid was niche,yes, at the time he was 2 and it was just me and him in a studio apartment with no garden, we went out everyday for a really long walk but getting him into nursery for 2 and a half days a week was great for him at the time.

I still remember hearing about all the super anxious kids with issues after Covid. And I’m glad he had that social interaction.

Covid’s coloured my opinion on this actually I’d probably be more inclined to agree with you if not for that

I think it's different if you expect your child to be talking late (or any other developmental issue).

If you go to the government website and look up "free childcare for 2 year olds in England" it clearly says that SOME but NOT ALL 2 year get 15 hours of free childcare.
I don't know why you seem to not believe me.
Anyway it's irrelevant to the OPs situation.

fair enough it must have changed was free for all when mine went

Maybe it was different during COVID as my daughter didn't go to nursery until she was 3 (when she got her 15 free hours) and that was years before COVID.
Although when she started it was referred to as "15 hours of free education" but now I noticed they call it childcare.
Anyway... again not relevant to the OP as she said they pay for the nursery.

Yes, I did. DS started at nursery at 10m one day a week with the intention that I'd return to supply teaching. When work didn't come in (which was more often than not due to austerity and being out of the loop for some time) I used the time for chores (cleaning, shopping; he had food allergies so food shopping was spread across 4 supermarkets which was a PITA) and a bit of me time. It helped keep me sane. It gave DS stability through various changes in work patterns and a difficult pregancy/ birth through the toddler and pre-school years.

It turned out that DS is autistic many years later. That consistency and routine saved him and me a lot of stress over transitions to school because he was already accustomed to those routines. He was a poor sleeper, had multiple food allergies and with hindsight struggled with the sensory input of places like supermarkets. That respite of being emotionally off duty once a week and just being able to do mundane stuff uninterupted was absolutely precious. DH works long hours often away and there's no family nearby. The early years of parenting were bloody intense.

It's very normal and healthy to share the load of parenting young children with a "village". Some of us don't have a free village of interested, avaliable extended family and there's no shame in having to pay to access support to ease the load.

It was very positive for me and DS.

There were a few people on this thread saying “no not if I was a sahm what would be the point in having kids” etc and I was more just making the point it’s not just about the parents it’s actually good for kids to go to nursery for a few hours a week gets them used to kids.
I brought up the free hours from 2 (or 3 as it is now) to make the point of school also being free because it’s good for the child to learn but no one says that’s just used by parents to get a break/childcare to go to work